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Topic: My Mum, My Best Friend

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. MyMum
    MyMum avatar
    1 posts
    4 January 2020
    Hi there
    I lost my Mum to lung cancer Nov 19.
    She had been told in September 19 following surgery Jul 18 that she had 5 years.
    The surgery she had was for a different type of lung cancer. During the operation they cut her
    Main artery and she lost 3 litres of blood and was lucky to survive.
    Her recovery was slow and she developed a cough. She was put on antibiotics but unbeknown
    she had developed small cell carcinoma which has a low survival rate.
    She went in to hospital for a bronchoscopy to determine the cough and development
    Of atrial fibrillation. I stayed with her for a test (3 day stay in hospital) and she died 9 days later.
    Iam struggling as she was told in September she had 5 years as the op in July 19 was successful.
    I was holding her hand when she died.
    She was my best friend and was 75 and full of life.
    I have no close friends (ai moved to Vic almost 3 years ago) so feel alone.
    I'm not sleeping and I focus on things I did wrong over the years rather than the
    Good times. I beat myself up.
    I kept a small urn with some of Mum's ashes as she is interred in another state.
    I hold and kiss the urn daily. I feel I am in denial/shock. I MISS HER.
  2. Summer Rose
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Summer Rose avatar
    1144 posts
    5 January 2020 in reply to MyMum

    Hi MyMum

    Welcome to the bb forum and thank you for sharing your story. I am so very sorry for your loss.

    It's clear from your post that you deeply loved your mum and that she loved you too. It couldn't have been easy for you, but I'm sure it was a great comfort to your mum to have you by her side when she left.

    I can imagine your great disappointment that cancer robbed your mum of what could have been another five years. Life can be so unfair at times and doctors don't get everything right, you are not alone in this respect. I am so sorry that you didn't get the time.

    Whatever you "did wrong over the years" is long gone. Your mum, and best friend, loved you just the way you are. I'm sure she would not want you to torture yourself now. Particularly, as I suspect there is also much that you did "right" over the years.

    Perhaps it would help you to try to focus on your mum's life. After my father died I started a journal. I wrote down happy memories, feelings and stories about our life and I added photos. Our life was not always roses but there was a lot of good and a lot of love. That was over 30 years ago and this journal is still one of my treasures.

    When he died I missed him so much it hurt and it took time to heal. I still miss him today but it no longer hurts to think of him. My memories bring comfort.

    Grieving is a process and it's very individual, so while no one knows when your pain will ease I do know that it will eventually get better. Be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself.

    You hang in there.

  3. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    10722 posts
    5 January 2020 in reply to MyMum

    Please accept our condolences for the tragic loss of your dear mum

    75 is way too young MyMum and your loss is still painful of course...Thus the less words from me the better

    We dont have IM (Instant message capability) at this time yet there are many people on the forums that have experienced a similar loss and still suffer from the anguish you are going through

    You are not alone

    my very kindest thoughts for you in this difficult time..

    Paul

  4. Rosiegirl93
    Rosiegirl93 avatar
    2 posts
    13 January 2020 in reply to MyMum

    Omg your story made me cry so much

    I lost my mum June 2019

    My mum got diagnosed with bowel cancer September 2018 and we went straight with surgery to remove which was a successful but the doctor did want to go with chemo after to be safe so December 2018 mum started chemo treatment which was 8 rounds and I took her to every appointment except one. We got through to all and done and dusted in May 2019 but mum ended up getting a chest infection or something which we took her to hospital on the 1st of June 2019 and ended up in an coma twice and doctor had no idea why my mums wasn’t getting better but she ended up getting a super rare condition from the chemo which killed for lungs.

    We all got called to the hospital June 19th 2019 which I had been at work on the day ! Mum went in the get a tube through throat under the chin as she would have never came off life support as her lungs needed 98% help with oxygen.

    Doctors came running down to get my sister, mums husband and me and we had no idea what was going on.

    We got the the theme room and was told that mum heart had given up and we had to say our goodbyes now.

    Doctors and nurses were so supportive and they brought mum back to ICU all peaceful so anyone could say there own goodbyes as mum was at rest and settled.

    Hardest thing I have ever had to do.

  5. fred2018
    fred2018 avatar
    72 posts
    13 January 2020 in reply to MyMum
    All I can say is I feel some of your pain, my great Mum passed away 2017, its probably one of the roughest things to go through in life isn't it ? I'll be seeying my pysch this year, might also do a group thing not sure, but all to work through things but its a day to day thing isn't it ? All the best

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