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Topic: Passed away could of been saved

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. Rete
    Rete avatar
    7 posts
    15 July 2019

    My loved one passed away. I feel extremely guilty thinking at the time I could of saved him. I heard him in the morning snoring and yelling but i didn’t think much of it to have a look. Later on in the afternoon my mum found him and I tried to cpr him but it was already too late cause he was stiff and purple and blue..

    If at the time I checked up on him earlier do you think I could of saved him by cpr ??

  2. Summer Rose
    Valued Contributor
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    Summer Rose avatar
    193 posts
    15 July 2019 in reply to Rete

    Hi Rete

    The answer to your question is "no".

    I think when it's someone's time to go, it's their time to go. My father left suddenly, he had a massive heart attack at home. According to the doctors it wouldn't have mattered if he'd had that heart attack at the hospital, nothing would have saved him.

    It's terribly sad and I understand your pain. I am so very sorry for your loss. I also know how hard it is to deal with the fact that suddenly your loved one isn't there. Like me, it sounds like you didn't have the chance to say goodbye. If you feel you still have things you want to say, find a quiet and private place, sit down and say them. I can tell you it really helps.

    Please try to remember your loved one's life, not his death, and hopefully that will bring you some peace of mind. Be kind to yourself. Post any time if you want to chat some more.

    Kind thoughts to you

    1 person found this helpful
  3. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    2075 posts
    15 July 2019 in reply to Summer Rose

    Hi, welcome

    Summer Rose is correct. We can live our life as if "had I done this or that" but it isn't reality that you could have changed your natural reactions and go there to see if your partner was ok.

    I've lived by the theory that I can only do my best in all circumstances. You did your best.

    Take care

    TonyWK

  4. Rete
    Rete avatar
    7 posts
    15 July 2019 in reply to Summer Rose

    He was my brother and he passed away on Saturday. He was too young too go. I still think I was to blame as I didn’t check on him as he made really loud noises. If I did he could of made it.

    They are still doing autopsy on him so I want to know what time did he pass away? It must of been that time I last heard him? I feel so awful. I feel guilty. I can’t stop replaying that moment I heard him but didn’t walk out to look at him..

  5. Summer Rose
    Valued Contributor
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    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Summer Rose avatar
    193 posts
    15 July 2019 in reply to Rete

    Hi Rete

    I'm so sorry you lost your brother. I can imagine that you're still in shock. Tearing yourself apart about what might have been really isn't good for you.

    The "maybes" are painful and unhelpful. Try to focus on the facts. The things you know are true.

    You loved your brother. You were caring for him. You were doing your best. That's all anyone could have done.

    The second guessing of yourself really takes you into a very murky pool full of unknowns. Some of these things may never be known. I know it's hard to accept but some things are really beyond our control.

    It might help you to pop in and see your GP and have a good chat or even just a good cry. Your GP could also help you put this in perspective.

    Have you got anyone close to you, friends or family, to support you at this difficult time?

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Philomena
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Philomena avatar
    19 posts
    9 October 2019 in reply to Summer Rose

    Hi Summer Rose

    Sorry to hear about this.

    As you know grief has many reactions and emotional and physical reactions and on the emotional side there is a feeling of fear, sadness, denial, numbness there is a feeling you could have saved him and there are physical reactions too as headache, body pain, sweating, shaking, breathless too.

    The fact remains the pain can never be taken away. You need to feel and express the pain in order to start the grieving process.

    Talk to someone whom you trust who you feel cares and is comfortable to share your pain with you.

    Stay strong.

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