Welcome to the Healthy Families forums!

This is a space to ask questions, share experiences and support each other. Find a relevant thread or start your own!

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community and have a read of the community rules. Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

  • share on Facebook
  • share on Twitter
  • Print page

Topic: Releasing my brothers ashes today ..

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Nomes6
    Nomes6 avatar
    4 posts
    18 December 2019

    Hi guys,

    Today I release my brothers ashes into the sea over the cliffs where we released mum mums 2 years ago.. It seems so sad that my brother and I were there not long ago doing that together with my dad and now he won’t be there.. well not in real life.. it’s so soon to return there and now to release him.. he didn’t get over my mums death..

    today it will just be myself and my dads girlfriend which is sad and not what I wanted.. esp the gf part.. dad moved on when mum was dying.. I had to battle to stop her coming to my mums ashes release.. but I have no fight left and if it makes him happy then I have to stop trying to be my mums advocate just like today I have to just be and not be my brothers.. except for making sure he got laid to rest with mum.. he chose not to be here anymore and died on the anniversary of her death.. it will be a hard day but hopefully I can find some will to live again after this instead of going through the motions.. just a shame it had to be at Xmas time.. anyways thanks for giving me a place to share.. my life was so different before all this loss...

    thanks guys

    Nomes

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    118 posts
    18 December 2019 in reply to Nomes6

    Hi Nomes6

    I am so painfully sorry for your loss, for your mother and your brother, I can hear the pain in your words but also the love. I have drawn great strength from your post, see I have not yet had to experience the FINAL piece in the tragic puzzle and it fills me with sadness and anxiety when I think of it. Your post has given me hope that it will be a sad day but also a time full of love, but also so many other emotions too, perhaps saying goodbye to all the family pains too.

    Huge hugs to you Nomes6 and I send my heartfelt love to you today and for the festive time that you no doubt will really miss then and hopefully you can have something special on the day to honor your mother and brother, I am still not sure how I am going to do this yet..

    Hugs to you Nomes6

    Sarah x

  3. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    282 posts
    18 December 2019 in reply to Nomes6

    Hi Nomes6,

    a sad occasion to welcome you to the beyond blue forums. I an sorry to hear about your loss - doubly hard with the loss of 2 family members. It sounds like you and your brother were very close. Grief and loss is an individual thing - for you and your dad. And you tried very hard to ensure the releasing of the ashes was a family affair. Whatever else, remember that you were there for your mother and brother.. Nothing else matters. Perhaps your coming here is the start of a new journey for you, a chance to recover some of your former life. Is there anyone you can talk to about what you are feeling?

    There may be ways of recovering that former life, but we could discuss this another time.

    Tim

  4. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    539 posts
    18 December 2019 in reply to Nomes6

    Nomes

    Thank you for sharing this very sad day for you as it well help others suffering like you are.

    Grief as you know takes time and is different for everyone. You have had a very difficult 2 years and I am pleased that you realised the allowing your dads girlfriend to come to the release of ashes would help your dad.

    That was very generous of you even though it wasn't what you wanted. You and your dad will be hopefully able to support each other and help each other into the future.

    Thanks again for sharing your thoughts.

    Quirky

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up