I am sad to hear of the death of your Beautiful Cat, a
love of your life, I'm sure.
My Mekitty, (see my avatar) died unexpectedly several
years ago. I still miss her. I want to honour her, rather than continue to blame
myself for the way she died. I must
accept I did everything I could, looking after her, vet checks, and all.
When she died, I decided I would pay for a sealed wooden
bowl-shaped urn for her ashes. It as a texture which reminds me of Mekitty's
fur. I sometimes hold it, & have a cry.
At first, I couldn’t stand to see all of her things around
my flat. I put things away, because I couldn’t throw them out or even give them
Eventually, I did donate the reusable things & have the
small things I kept in a special place, near her ashes.
I kept a few of her toys, the fake mice, with their
amputated tails, a plastic spider with three & a half legs missing,
& her purple collars and their bells. I stitched a couple bells onto a
pair of gloves.
I had many photos, until my hard drive crashed. I found
one hiding in the files I did manage to get recovered. If you have photos on
your phone or hard drive in a desktop, back them up. Maybe get some printed and
put them on your walls.
I have written about her, some things here, in the Topic,
'Pets: gotta love them'. I recall happy, fun times with her. I try to focus on
such memories, rather than the memories of her at the end. But, I have written
about that too. It was important for me to do that, to process what had
happened and all my feelings. I love a poem I wrote, even though it chokes me up
I think if you can do anything like write, (reading your
post, I think you can), or draw, paint,
Perhaps,, volunteer to help out in a pet rescue or
perhaps, even knit little cat cardies in your cat's memory, or make cat
cushions. (I’m not good at sewing, but I did make a cushion & she’d liked
it when she was little.).
I wonder, if doing something along these lines could help
with your feelings of guilt.
Sitting around chastising yourself or whatever you think
you failed to do, or for something you did is not going to help anything.
We’re here to listen , when you want to talk.
I have realised, beating up on myself for the way I was
at the time of her death, was disrespectful to Mekitty's life and my memories
of her. I love Mekitty, & always will. Doing what I can to honour her has
brought me some peace.