I lost my partner of 2 years on new years eve 2021...he was only in his late 20's..
It was a freak incident where where he was significantly injured.
Everyday I'm reminded of how horrifying it was to see my most favourite person hurt.
I can't stop seeing everything that happened that day, and can't help but think how easily this could have been avoided.
It's difficult to get to sleep most nights and I am easily woken. When awake I am easily startled, easily spooked and hyper vigilant.
He was also my best friend and a band mate. Most of my life involved him and we spoke every day. Most people around me have partners, have someone to comfort them through the loss of him as well. Which has made it hard to find the right person to turn to when I need to talk. I am talking to a psychologist, I am also here to broaden the avenues to where I can express my feelings. Seeing friends outside of the grieving circle seems daunting and more isolating than actually isolating myself.
This grief will never leave me, and a life like this doesn't feel worth living...The suggestions of ways to make ones self feel better don't seem to help much, just a way to use up time. They say it will get better... it's only been 2 months, but what if it doesn't get better?
He and I weren't married or living together, but I guess it still makes sense to call me a widow. A late 20's year old widow.
Although I feel like I aged 20 years from this experience. This marks and end of an era, an early end to my 20's, an end to ever feeling love the way I felt it for him and an end to everything we ever planned to do for our future.
I'd be interested to hear from others who've lost their partners and their grieving experience.
Was there a point where you felt more motivated again? Where does motivation come from?