Welcome to the Healthy Families forums!

This is a space to ask questions, share experiences and support each other. Find a relevant thread or start your own!

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community and have a read of the community rules. Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

  • share on Facebook
  • share on Twitter
  • Print page

Topic: Sudden loss of brother 😒😭

7 posts, 0 answered
  1. Sum19
    Sum19 avatar
    1 posts
    12 July 2019

    Hi there I lost my brother 2 years ago this August due to a sudden car crash. I have been going through a whole lot body wise and head. And haven't been really coping with it all. Has anyone else lost a single brother and feel the loneliness id love to have a chat

    1 person found this helpful
  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    8528 posts
    12 July 2019 in reply to Sum19

    Hi Sum, welcome

    Yes, I lost my brother in 1979, he was 26yo me 23. I have a younger sister that I'm close to.

    His unexpected death hit my family hard. In fact, I became the strong one others including my parents leant on as they crumbled around me so, in effect, I began to grieve 6 moths later but that's ok, someone has to hold the fort together.

    Grief for your brother must be really difficult for you at this time. Can anyone help you in that process? Well in some ways it's limited but yes they can. A good part of the grief process we have to endure alone I'm afraid, but we can introduce methods that cushion the effects.

    Were you close? What do you remember of him that you hold dear?

    I'm impressed you have found this forum, well done and mentioned this event in your life. From that I get it that his passing has been difficult for you to put aside.

    A neighbor of mine a few years ago - his son died in a car accident. His son grew roses. So he collected small examples from his green house and planted them and named the garden after him. I thought that was a fine example of channeling energy into something that is in honour of his son.

    For me, every few years I climb a hill and watch a sunset then dedicate that time to those that have passed on. It is then that I think about my brother and father, the latter was an incredibly kind man. When I descend the hill I think about how I can continue his legacy in my own life and posting here is one of those actions. As for my brother he was an Elvis fan so every year or so I play some YouTube videos of him to take me to that "zone".

    Another idea is distraction. Hobbies, sports and seeking a love life or whatever is missing in your life. An idle mind is a vulnerable one sometimes. During depressive periods I used to have a large jigsaw in a spare bedroom and do a few pieces when down.

    Please google

    Beyondblue topic coping with grief

    I hope that helps you.

    My only other suggestion is to keep up with some GP visits as face to face appointments can give relief. He/she might suggest counseling and we all have some reservations on that until some results trickle through and we say "gee, I'm glad I did that".

    So I'd love to hear from you and your brothers relationship. Take you time and I hope you feel better. We are hear 24/7/365.


    1 person found this helpful
  3. Birdy77
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Birdy77 avatar
    2289 posts
    12 July 2019 in reply to Sum19
    Dear Sum,

    I am so sorry for the sudden loss of your brother.

    Anniversaries and their lead-up can be very difficult. In my experience I think its natural that you are feeling a lot going on in your mind and body. It was and still is a shock for you.

    I lost one of my brothers last year, very unexpectedly, and I lost my other brother several years ago, but that was after an illness, so not as sudden.

    The complete shock of what happened to my brother last year I can sometimes still feel in my body as well.

    I like Tony's idea of hiking up a hill or something similar, and connecting through music - I think of my brother when I go to the beach, and I have nights where I pump a playlist dedicated to his memory, full of his favourite bands and songs, while I cook his favourite dinner.

    It hurts so much in your heart right now, I know.

    Thinking of you.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Sandy1
    Sandy1 avatar
    1 posts
    11 August 2019 in reply to Sum19

    Hi sum19, I also lost my only brother (only sibling). I can definitely relate to feeling the loneliness. Happy to chat if you'd like to chat. You're not alone.

    1 person found this helpful
  5. cookiesandcream
    cookiesandcream avatar
    8 posts
    27 August 2019 in reply to Sandy1


    I lost my brother unexpectedly this year, it was a shock and I miss him so much and wish I had of said more things to him. The last time I spoke to him on the phone was 3 weeks before he passed, had I'd known that he was going to gain angel wings, I would of rung him more leading up to his death :(

    I loved him so much, he was the BEST big brother a sister could of asked for, I hope he knows how much I loved him.

    I honestly know how you feel, the pain is unbelievable.

    Thinking of you

    1 person found this helpful
  6. blond3
    blond3 avatar
    2 posts
    28 August 2019

    Hi Sum,

    I lost my brother close to a year ago due to suicide and can definitely relate to how you are feeling. From my experience, grief is a lonely road that only you can travel, even if surrounded by close friends and family. There's such a unique feeling of loneliness and numbness that grief can bring.

    I recommend practicing self care routines, for things you enjoy doing. Some days it's hard and some days it's easier. Schedule it in if you have to because life gets busy.

    All the best and please message me if you want to chat.

    Peace and love

  7. Philomena
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Philomena avatar
    30 posts
    11 October 2019 in reply to blond3

    Hi sum

    Condolences on the loss of your brother. I know the pain still remains in you but in reality the pain of the grief can never be taken away whatever anyone may say.

    i know you may feel sad, angry, numb, grief has many emotional and physically reactions you may feel sad, angry, confused, afraid, lonely, denial, numb and the thoughts you may feel are you are going crazy, how could it happen to you, you may feel withdrawal not wanting to meet friends or participating in activities you liked. Physical reactions could be body ache, head ache, stomach pain, sweating, shaking, weight gain or loss and spiritual you may feel closer to god or may feel distant.

    Grief may have environmental factors too as family members may not accept you or changes in circumstances this is all part of your grieving process and is normal.

    The main thing is for you to accept the reality of the loss by having a memorial service to honour the deceased where family and friends gather and then work through the grief also develop an enduring connection with the deceased though not present in your heart and mind by sharing his memories and biographies with others. Try to develop new skills and friends so you don’t feel alone.

    You may also look for a support group in your locality where others who grieve meet so you know you are not alone, these support groups have activities which you can join in.

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.

Sign me up