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Topic: Surrendered our family dog & I just really miss my best friend.

7 posts, 0 answered
  1. name.n
    name.n avatar
    3 posts
    9 January 2019

    So I've scoured the web for answers on why I can't shake this feeling, most pages say it's normal to feel this way but I've now felt true heartbreak so bad I feel like someone's hit me in the chest.

    We had two dogs. Our older family dog passed away a couple of years ago, he lived a wonderful, long life. Our younger dog has always been pretty stubborn and demanding, so when we introduced a new puppy just before my 21st birthday last year, they didn't get on. Mum and dad couldn't deal with it, the two dogs fought more and more frequently and it was dangerous and unfair for everyone - especially the dogs. Mum and dad came so close to surrendering our new puppy two or three times before it actually happened. Dad got between them and he was bitten on the leg, it wasn't really major but it was clear to us all that we couldn't keep this going the way it was. I moved out of home again and then mum seriously broke her arm. To prevent anymore fighting or injuries, mum and dad surrendered the puppy to the RSPCA. At 8am on my 22nd birthday the RSPCA came and picked up my best friend. I'm unable to know who adopted him and I find myself looking out for him when I see a black and white dog.

    I feel as though I've lost a part of me... a gorgeous, playful and intelligent little part of me. It's been more than 6 months now and I feel exactly the same way as I did back then. I can't shake it. I've noticeably developed this ridiculous anxiety since then and don't know if I'll ever move through this. I've lost family and friends before and been able to come to terms with it; I'm just unable to comprehend that someone I've never met is out there with my puppy. On top of that, I've convinced myself that it's ridiculous that I even feel this way.

    Please share an opinion, story, advice. I don't know what to do with myself.

  2. jess334
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    jess334 avatar
    43 posts
    10 January 2019 in reply to name.n

    Hi Name.n

    First, welcome to the Beyond Blue forums.

    I'm so sorry that your puppy had to be surrendered. We had to rehome our dog last year and it is heartbreaking, even when you know it's the right thing to do.

    I'm glad that your parents took the puppy to the RSPCA though. They are an amazing organisation and will have found him a great home pretty quickly.

    Grief is tricky as it can feel different for every person and every situation. It is not abnormal for grief to last 6 months, especially if the loss was traumatic for you.

    Please don't feel like you are being ridiculous. Lots of people find it hard to move on from situations like this.

    Have you tried to speak to a counsellor or psychologist about this? They might be able to help you process your grief and move on. Moving on doesn't mean you forget about your puppy or that you love him any less. It just means you are able to accept what has happened. They will also be able to help you with your anxiety which can get worse if you do nothing.

    You could also try a mindfulness app like Smiling Mind when you feel anxious. I use it to help me sleep when my brain just wont shut off.

    Also please keep using the forums if you are able. There are a lot of people on here who are happy to lend their support.

    Kind thoughts, Jess.

    1 person found this helpful
  3. PamelaR
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    PamelaR avatar
    167 posts
    10 January 2019 in reply to name.n

    Hi name.n and welcome to our forums

    I can relate to how you feel completely. It's an empty feeling and for me it is one based in guilt. Pets (or any animals) to me are at human's kindness or not.

    I feel so guilty when I've had to take animals to the refuge. Years ago I lived behind some shops and there was this female feline that used to regularly have kittens. She was reasonably 'tame / friendly'. Her kittens were feral. It was so difficult for us, one of the kittens had broken it's leg and we had to restrain it and take it to the local vets to have it put down. The next was another one of the ferals that we became friends with - when we were able to get close we picked it up and took it too the refuge. It sat and watched us leave - saying 'you betrayed me' (that's my thinking).

    The good news from this story. We took the mother feline to the vets and had her desexed. She remained as the local feline that roamed the neighbourhood. She was gorgeous and visited us regularly.

    I have grieved for all my lost animals throughout the years. It is hard when they have shared so much of your life. But please think about - it's okay to grieve for animals, that it's is very healthy and it shows your compassion and empathy.

    You are not ridiculous!! You are human and caring. That's so lovely to hear. Animals rock. And while one passes (as they do because we tend to live longer than them :(, unless you have a cockatoo or turtle), our grief is hard. I must confess their life circumstances (e.g. death or moving on to others) are so painful at times. Grief has a number of phases that have no order and that one can go through, at different times.

    Be kind to yourself name.n. Caring for an animal the way you do shows your beautiful character.

    Kind regards

    PamelaR

    1 person found this helpful
  4. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    2984 posts
    11 January 2019 in reply to name.n

    Hello Name.n, a warm welcome to you.

    Undoubtedly we understand your pain and feel your emptiness when your puppy is taken away from you, and most sincerely want to say how terribly sorry we feel for you.

    It's an awful feeling that leaves such an enormous hole in your heart, one that can never be replaced, it will only place another spot in your heart if you decide to get another puppy, because each and every puppy has their own place which you always appreciate, my heart goes out to you.

    No dog can replace what you've just lost, they have their own behaviours and particular ways with their special intricacies that no other puppy can ever have.

    I feel for you so much and hope you are able to once again have a puppy of your own.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

    2 people found this helpful
  5. Ruby 2
    Ruby  2   avatar
    33 posts
    11 January 2019 in reply to name.n

    Hey name.n

    Geoff and others have offered great advice. Sometimes animals can take a hold of one's heart and you are not silly for feeling how you do.

    Please know, the RSPCA is all about animal welfare and that your beloved puppy has gone to a home that give them the best life.

    I feel your pain.I stay with my separated husband because the thought of surrendering my cat and dog due to our issues is unbearable.

    Can you adopt another pet in your situation?Maybe volunteer at a shelter?You have a sensitive heart who will one day give love to another creature.

    Pets that have passed or moved on to other families will always have a hold on your heart.Remember that you and your family did your best for this dog.

    I wish you and future for babies well.

    Ruby2

    2 people found this helpful
  6. name.n
    name.n avatar
    3 posts
    17 January 2019 in reply to jess334
    Thank you Jess for your kind response, I have honestly felt a great deal of relief since posting here. I really appreciate your advice and thoughts, it’s helped a lot.
    1 person found this helpful
  7. name.n
    name.n avatar
    3 posts
    17 January 2019 in reply to PamelaR

    Hi PamelaR, thanks for your thoughtful response. I can relate to your stories and really appreciate you sharing them with me.

    I feel exactly the same way about the poor animals not understanding what’s going on when you have to leave them. I think that was one of my major struggles in comprehending my situation. It made me feel pretty helpless.

    I’m also really glad that I’m not the only one who’s felt this way, I don’t consider myself someone who’s crazy about animals but I often see myself with an attachment to most living animals (except the mammoth-sized spiders who catch me off-guard). This quality I can only assume leads back to having pets in the house since I was very young. Your support is incredibly comforting for me, thank you.

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