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Topic: The loss of a loved one

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. Jarradh
    Jarradh avatar
    1 posts
    19 July 2020
    New to this forum and not really sure where to start. Guess I'll start by sharing my story. Going back 9 weeks now my partner and love of my life took her own life. I won't go into details as it's still very raw and hard to talk about. There isn't a day that goes by where I'm not over come with grief. Tears are shed and I become sick with how my h I miss her. As most that have suffered something similar would know, I still struggle with guilt for not being able to help or be there. I all ways feel alone even when I'm around friends and family. I'm lucky that I have a good support group around me but they have never had to go through something like this, so they help me best they know how, which is great. But even then I can't talk about what I'm feeling or thinking as it's all new to them. So I guess that's why I decided to reach out on this forum. I know there is no time that will go past that will make it easier, but hopefully it does get some what more bearable to live with. Cause at the moment I'm not sure it ever will. Well thanks for reading.
  2. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    3133 posts
    20 July 2020 in reply to Jarradh

    Welcome to the forums Jarradh, we are so glad you decided to join us here. We know it can be really tough to reach out, so thank you for having the strength to do so. We're so sorry to hear of the loss of your partner, we can't imagine how devastated you must feel. Please know that this is a safe space for you and our wonderful community is here to offer as much support and advice as you need.

    If you'd like to talk these feelings through, we'd recommend getting in touch with our friends at Griefline on 1300 845 745. GriefLine provides counselling support services free of charge to individuals who are experiencing loss and grief. One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some support but also provide you with advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way. 

    Hopefully, a few of our welcoming community members will pop by to welcome you and offer some words of support and advice. We hope that you keep checking back in here to let us know how you are going, whenever you feel up to it.
     
     

  3. Vei
    Vei avatar
    3 posts
    20 July 2020 in reply to Jarradh
    There are no rules for grief. You don’t just get over it with time, in fact I find it more difficult as time goes by. There are some okay days, then so really pretty horrible days. From talking to others, it seems it is the norm. The feelings of guilt is possibly one of the hardest things to deal with. There’s always a, ‘What if...”Take time to focus on the positive things in life. This is tricky to but just like learning to ride a bike you have to practise focussing on the good things. I’m sorry for your loss and hope you find some comfort in the memories you built with this person.
  4. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    13229 posts
    20 July 2020 in reply to Jarradh

    Hello Jarradh, there are few words we can say that will fill that empty hole, we can console you and offer our deepest sympathy but please don't punish yourself with questions you have no answers to, only a therapist can pose those difficult tasks.

    We are still here to support you in every way possible, people you can lean on when all you want to do is talk about anything or everything, so please don't be afraid to do this 24/7.

    My sincerest condolences.

    Take special care.

    Geoff.

  5. White Rose
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    White Rose avatar
    6292 posts
    20 July 2020 in reply to Jarradh

    Dear Jarradh

    Welcome to the forum. Thank you for sharing your story. There is nothing we can say to make the grief and hurt go away. Please accept my most sincere condolences. As Sophie_M has said, we can't imagine how devastated you must feel. The loss of such a loved one is devastating and the pain does not go away soon.

    It's OK to come here and talk about your loss. We have all lost loved ones but your loss is particularly difficult and not easily accepted. I know it's easy for me to say your grief will pass but it will. Never entirely but enough to make everyday living bearable. Not the same I know but when my mom died unexpectedly I was devastated. I cried every night when I got home from work for a year. I still miss her.

    Mary

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    1964 posts
    20 July 2020 in reply to Jarradh

    Hi Jarradh

    You have found the forum in the very same way as me....I lost my brother to suicide in July of last year, he was 19 years old. While I can not imagine how hard it must be to lose the love of your life, I know somewhat of the pain of losing a loved one to suicide. I want to extend to you my heartfelt condolences to you Jarradh.

    I encourage you to keep chatting here, to get out all of your feelings and any other thing that you want to purge, it is a very safe space and not only that, many of us too have walked this path and can be there with you to listen and to support you through this time.

    I credit some of my healing to being here and to sharing how I felt, I would like to let you know some of the things that I have learnt that really have helped me in living with my brother's passing.

    Firstly, there is nothing that you could have done differently to change the outcome Jarradh, I know this is hard to hear but this was a decision she made, albeit in a time of absolute darkness, but she made that choice as did my brother, we could not have stopped it. I beat myself up for a long time with "why wasn't I there?" , "why didn't he call?" so many many questions but unless a person can get a small glimpse of hope and reach out, there is nothing that we could have done on that day...you know in your heart you would have moved the Earth for her, if you were afforded that choice.

    Know that your wife loved you and knew she was loved, that mostly when a person is in a suicidal state they just want the pain to end and that is the way they see to do that, they may even feel like a burden and so by doing this they are taking the burden off the family and loved ones by them not being here, we know that this is so very untrue as we would do anything to help them..however, they have to reach out, how can we help someone when they don't ask. This was a huge thing for me..my brother never said a word, we did not even know he was struggling.

    I know what you mean by it feeling like it will never get easier, it does..you can smile again, you can laugh and you do remember the good times, it does not seem like you will be able to, and that is the process of grief. Please allow yourself to grieve, I got some counselling, that was amazing. They say time heals all wounds..I live with the wound and know some days it is open and I acknowledge it and some days it is closed and I can cope.

    We are here for you, you matter and I am proud you reached out.

    Huge hugs to you

    Sarah

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