I want to start by saying I am so sorry for the loss of your Mum. Grief is, in my opinion the heaviest of all emotions, because it brings with it every other emotion; anger, sadness, disbelief, confusion ..... on and on the list goes.
I too lost my Mum and yeah, nothing really prepares you for the final days. My Mum was a BIG lady - size 22 to 24 - but in the end she had wasted away to about a size 10. And she was yellow ....... I won't go on about the other stuff, but what I will tell you is this; the vision of her in her final days and hours stayed with me too, vividly, and for some months afterwards. My Mum was my best friend in the whole world and losing her was losing a part of myself.
I guess what gave me comfort is that I talked and talked and talked about my Mum and her illness until one day, I found myself talking about her regarding something other than how she died and how she looked. I talked about our shopping adventures and how her and I so loved to shop for hours and hours and stop briefly for coffee and cake.
And it helped that my friends were so patient with me too ..... they kept reminding me that it's okay to cry every day; that the amount of tears were just an indicator of the amount of love that I had for my Mum. They also gently reminded me, from time to time, that my Mum would want me to find joy again, and for me to carry on with sharing myself with the world just like she had. My Mum was a real nuturerer and helper, always there for those in need. She was constantly making things and doing things for those less fortunate. She had such a golden heart.
Perhaps you too could think about the kind of legacy that your Mum may have left? And maybe think about how you could carry on with her spirit in your life?
I know it's still very very early days yet though, so the most important thing is just to take it a day, or an hour, or a minute at a time, if that's all you can do right now.
And yeah, like paddyanne suggested, maybe it would help to get some grief counseling as well. You don't have to do this alone you know. Help is out there. Losing someone so close is no time to 'put on the brave face' ..... be gentle with yourself. In the meantime, we are here for you and with you for as much as you need. (((hugs)))