I’m not sure if writing this will help but I’m not sure what else to do.
My husband passed away from a heart attack in July aged 41. He had no underlying health issues. I barely made it through Father’s Day & my birthday. Everyone keeps saying how strong I am but I feel like I can barely breath.
The world keeps turning & people are starting to get back into things but my world has stopped. We have a 6 year old who is low functioning Autistic who keeps pointing to pictures of Dad wondering where he is. I talk about him & try to explain as much as I can.
I feel like I’m letting our child & my husband down. People keep telling me they don’t know how to help & I just say that being there is all I need. But they don’t want to be there because that involves seeing me upset, which some can’t handle.
I feel responsible for his death because I couldn’t save him & I didn’t act fast enough.
I’ve had some counselling where they talked about the stages of grief but I feel that wasn’t enough.
I couldn’t give my husband a proper send off because of the restrictions & looking back I feel his family who I don’t get along with took advantage of me but dictating what had to happen at the funeral & by taking some of his ashes. I tried to accomodate everyone but I feel I didn’t honour my husband enough.
I don’t understand why this had to happen & how I’m supposed to keep putting one foot in front of the other.