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Topic: how do i get started im so confused

  1. willdo
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    6 January 2020
    not sure how , were to get involved with the forums. please help
    1 person found this helpful
  2. Aaronsis
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    6 January 2020 in reply to willdo

    Hi willdo

    The great thing is that you just have...welcome... and you are free to chat here about anything that you feel comfortable sharing, we are here for you and we care. There is no judgement or criticism just care.

    I hope to chat to you some more and hope we can provide you with some comfort today.

    Hugs

    AS

  3. Sophie_M
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    187 posts
    6 January 2020 in reply to willdo
    Hi willdo!

    Welcome to the Beyond Blue online forums.
     
    We’d suggest checking out the following threads which offer information on how to get started and navigate different sections of the forums. 

    Newbies guide: 5 tips for getting the most out of the forums (UPDATED): https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/welcome-and-orientation/newbies-guide-5-tips-for-getting-the-most-out-of-the-forums-(updated)

    The forum FAQ thread:
    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/welcome-and-orientation/the-forum-faq-thread-
     
    Feel free to also get in touch with the moderation team via email at modsupport@beyondblue.org.au if you have any further questions or concerns.
     
    We look forward to seeing you around the forums!
     
    1 person found this helpful
  4. willdo
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    6 January 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    thank you for your support. i'm not sure how to navigate my way around the website.

    i have depression , anxiety panic disorder and OCD. have done so most of my life. only flared up big time after a couple of surgeries last year

  5. Aaronsis
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    6 January 2020 in reply to willdo

    Hey Willdo

    You can start a new thread or you can continue on this one. Up to you. I am happy to chat some more to you if you want to talk about your story some more.

    It is a funny old thing having surgery I have learnt here, that people can really be impacted in their mental health space after going through operations and also suffering injury through sport. I guess that is the thing with mental illness, it can impact anyone at anytime.

    I am glad that you have reached out here though.

    Welcome

    Sarah

  6. willdo
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    6 January 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    most my life has been plagued with depression /panic attacks ,OCD and the accompanying anxiety. i was doing ok up to May last year with the odd attack (mainly cause i avoided places and things that may trigger a panic attack). i drank a fair bit which gave me a false sense of security.

    i had to get some fluid drained from around the heart last year , first is an elective and second as an emergency as the fluid formed again dangerously. i was petrified but funny enough less Anxiety that right now.

    after the surgeries the panic attacks came back with vengeance especially after i fainted at the doctors office after surgery whilst getting checked out. Since then my life has turned upside down . the fear of fainting again had a tight grip on me. i started avoiding places, pre consumed myself with fear.

    I sought help (Psychologist and psychiatrist), they decided to change antidepressant i have been on for 20 years. (in middle of trying a third one)

    recently It has got so bad i cannot go out of the house,fear of panic attacks i'm bored silly, my OCD is running wild, my latest is going to bed around 6pm to escape (not to sleep but to stop the OCD -Checking). My old fear of not getting to sleep is right back so i figure if i go to bed early i will sooner or later fall asleep.

    Im sorry if im rampling on

  7. Aaronsis
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    6 January 2020 in reply to willdo

    Hi willdo

    You are most certainly not rambling, that is what this space is for, for talking and sharing and getting some of the things that pile up off your chest.

    Wow, that surgery sure does sound frightening and I guess it was needed so unavoidable however the terror and anxiety that it has left you with is so much, I can really hear that in your post. I have actually never fainted so I don't know what that is like, but I can hear how it is really impacting your life.

    I am so very glad that you have some medical help with this, are there some things that you like to do during the day that can help with the boredom and also give you some sense of feeling good? It is ok if the answer is no but I would like to help you to find some things perhaps that you like to do.

    I have found that writing really helps me gets through tough times, that I can purge onto a page and let it all out and then put it away, the pages own it...I mostly have not gone back to re read what I have written but it is nice to have it off my chest. When my brother passed away I had so much anger and what I wrote on those pages I would not want anyone to see, however it helped so much and helped me to manage it.

    Do you feel like your current doctors are helping you with the emotional support you need too? Just that sometimes it takes a few doctors to get the right ones we connect with and that can then help.

    There are some things that you can try to do to have like a bedtime ritual so as you can prepare for sleep, I am sure you have tried lots of things but we can talk about that too if you like?

    Huge hugs

    Sarah

  8. willdo
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    7 January 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi,

    sorry i couldn't add or reply to your post last night. as mentioned i go into OCD/frenzy mode at night and just go to bed and lay down for hours before i can fall asleep .

    william

  9. Aaronsis
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    7 January 2020 in reply to willdo

    Hey William

    Please do not apologize for anything, you come and chat and be in this space as much or as little as you need, and know that we are here for you when you need us.

    Have a nice rest William and chat to you when you want to.

    Huge hugs to you, stay strong my friend, you matter x

    Sarah xx

  10. willdo
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    7 January 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    thank you,

    still not sure about how to select a thread title. i wanted to discuss how to handle panic attacks outside the home , shops for example.

    willliam

  11. Aaronsis
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    7 January 2020 in reply to willdo

    Hey Will

    There are some threads that you can read that other people have this same experience too, you could read them too and see if any of what they are talking about resonates with you...

    I can help you if you like...

    "How do you manage a panic attack when you are in public?'

    "Post surgery, now left with severe panic attacks, help!"

    Not sure if either of these work for you....

    Hugs Will xoxoxox

    Sarah xxx

  12. willdo
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    15 January 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah,

    Hope you are well.

    do you if we can change the topic on a current thread? as i have Depression,anxiety,Panic attacks and OCD i post my first thread under the topic Panic attacks. I want to post about my other issues? i opened a new thread put was told to continue posting under the same one. I just feel that i will not capture attention if i want to post for OCD (for example)under panic attacks.

    Can you please provide any Guidance

    William

  13. Aaronsis
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    15 January 2020 in reply to willdo

    Hey William

    I will talk to you about what ever you would like and just hope that I can help you. I will try. You can share as much as you like on here, afterall this is your thread so you can talk about whatever you like.

    If you would like to start a new thread you can, they just say to stick to one thread so that you don't have many subjects all over the pages and loose track and lose support. If you want to start a new one you can.

    I am here to chat if you would like or if you want to start a new one that is cool too.

    Huge hugs

    Sarah xxx

    Thank you for asking how I am, I am really good today and hope you are too xxx

  14. willdo
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    15 January 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Thanks Sarah,

    unfortunately im still struggling with my MH. Waiting for the new medication to kick in ( 2nd attempt ) since October last year. this new one started 14/12. they say 6-8 weeks.(they changed the one i was on for over 20 years in October)

    i'm finding hard to live i just exist . home all day, no motivation to do anything (even to put the TV on), too scared to venture out too far (panic attacks), OCD at night runs wild.i have no appetite had not had dinner with family for more than 6 weeks.

    I'm sorry if im posting doom and gloom but thats how i feel.

    I'm so glad you are well.

    Warm regards

    William

  15. Aaronsis
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    15 January 2020 in reply to willdo

    Hey William

    No apologies here, you are free to express how you are feeling and that you are not coping so well at the moment. I am so sorry you are jumping through hoops with your medication and that finding one that works is taking some time, that is really frustrating.

    I know it sounds really hard as you are struggling, perhaps joining the family for dinner might really help, help with reconnecting and help with taking your mind off things, even if it is for 5 minutes, that is some peace for you. I get that you are not wanting to eat and have lost your appetite, however you do need to keep up your food to help with the mental health side of things too, I get you know all this, just reminding and caring.

    Is there anything no matter how small that might give you some joy, some peace? Reading or even writing? Just to break the cycle and tell those inner voices that you choose you.

    When is your next appointment with your GP? Do you think it is worth giving them a call just to check in to let them know that you are not progressing as you expect and as you would like to be?

    My heart goes out to you William and I really have no idea how hard this is but I will sit with you, I am here and I care.

    Huge hugs

    Sarah xxx

  16. willdo
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    15 January 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah,

    as mentioned i have 2 threads one under Welcome and orientation and the 2nd under Anxiety (topic panic attacks). below is my recent post under panic attacks,

    At what point do you say to your doctor/psychiatrist that the medication is not working.i am currently treated for depression,anxiety,panic attacks and OCD.
    my doctor decided to change the antidepressant i was on for 20 years in October last year. Few weeks of no change (worse), he decided to change again (14/12/2019).
    Over the phone he said you sound and the indications are much better, will need to increase the dose next time i see you 1/2/2020.
    Why do i feel worse, all of my symptoms are same/worse. My mood is so low , i escape to bed to toss and turn for hours, my OCD is running wild, i have not had dinner for 6 weeks (lost 10 kilos) during the day i force myself to eat i have no appetite , Anxiety is all i preoccupy my time with.
    they say it takes few weeks to get better, i'm worried if i say something he might get upset or change medication again (with all the hassles and pain of reducing the current and starting a new one and having to wait few weeks again)
    any thoughts, PLEASE HELP

  17. Aaronsis
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    16 January 2020 in reply to willdo

    Hey Will

    Great to chat some more and sorry it has taken me awhile to get back to you.

    I have been thinking about this and I see you have an appointment next month but I think it is always ok if you are not feeling good to check back in and let them know. It is so frustrating and you are so very over feeling like this, it is a process and sometimes take a few meds to get the right one for you, does that help..no..but I am hoping you can perhaps check in and let them know and get some professional support around this.

    I know you probably know all this but is there something no matter how small that you can do just to break the cycle of today and do something that you would not normally do, to push yourself and your anxiety aside..whether that be a walk to the end of the street and back or even to hang some washing out on the line..just something to challenge you and to tell your anxiety "NOT TODAY". It will give you a real boost and a sense of "you can"...how do you feel about trying that?

    Just as a side note, the doctor is working for you and I know it is your anxiety talking to you but he/she is not going to get upset at you if you let them know that the meds are not really working, that is what they are there for, to help you on this journey and support you. They need your feedback to let them them know if they are on the right track or not, they will not get angry at you Will.

    Huge hugs to you today and I am here xx I would love to know what you think about doing 1 thing differently today.

    Hugs

    Sarah xxxx

  18. willdo
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    16 January 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah,

    I woke up late today with lots of anxiety, then i read your reply. i will do things a bit different today, i fixed the side gate as asked by my wife, put dinner on (leg of lamb in oven for dinner). I said over and over again NOT TODAY Anxiety , it helped a lot.

    In saying all that i'm stopping to take deep breaths to stop this nagging panic attack without having to take any medication. All the family are going to pictures tonight, i have not got the courage to go , i feel so sad about that. maybe that's why i feel a bit anxious.

    Thank you for your help and support.

    William

    1 person found this helpful
  19. Aaronsis
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    16 January 2020 in reply to willdo

    William....FANTASTIC...I am so very very proud of you, that is bloody awesome!! You have made my day!

    I am so glad that you told your anxiety where to go, that you had the courage to push forward, that you chose you and not only did one thing but two things..that is so fantastic.

    I hear that you feel disappointed in missing out on the movie, do you think with some encouragement that we can get you there? I am by no means pushing but I think you have done so very well today and if that is all for today then you have done so much better than you would have doing what you did yesterday.

    How do you feel? I hope you feel proud and I hope you feel encouraged to do some things that are for you William...you can tell that anxiety where to go...you did it today.

    I am so happy for you.

    Well done and huge hugs and a high five...YESSSSS

    Much love Sarah xx

  20. willdo
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    16 January 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Thanks Sarah,

    I will think long and hard about the movies, but i'm so Anxious about it.

    I developed this phobia since October of going to bed early , not sure why its just another OCD (not falling asleep or having a wrestles night is an old phobia that goes back to my Uni days). I coped for years as i was drinking heavily. Since i stopped drinking (17/4/2018), i started going to bed earlier and earlier and the phobia came back.

    thank you so much again

    william

  21. Aaronsis
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    16 January 2020 in reply to willdo

    Congratulations on staying away from the alcohol, that is a massive achievement and also one that will help in your journey to wellness William. Alcohol can really prevent good things from happening in your progress.

    About the movies, can you pin point what it is exactly, is it perhaps the journey to the cinema, or the standing in a line to purchase tickets, is it perhaps being in the dark in a confined room. I am by no means pushing you here but perhaps if you can identify with what element of the experience is causing you anxiety we can perhaps work through that so that you can have a wonderful time and be with your family, how happy you would be to do that and how happy they would be to have you join them. You may not know what element is causing you fear or anxiety and that is fine also. Dont think too long and hard about it and get yourself into a state, afterall baby steps is the key and you have done that today, so proud of you!!! The movies will always be there and you can manage that another time.

    I bet that lamb is smelling amazing!

    Hugs William xx

    Sarah xx

  22. willdo
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    16 January 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi ,

    about the movies its mostly coming home late and starting my nightly OCD again and fear i'll have a wrestles night as mentioned before.

    and yes the lamb smells great.

    William

  23. Aaronsis
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    16 January 2020 in reply to willdo

    Yum..I am very jealous as roast lamb is the best!!

    Ok, so am I right in that the fear is that you are going to be awake all night and cannot get to sleep, so the earlier that you go to bed you feel like you have done the task and are asleep now so you can rest, sort of like a race to get to bed in fear you wont sleep?

    It will take a whole lot of self talk and strength Will but I think you can do it. How about telling yourself that you are allowed to go out and enjoy a night with your family and that when you get home you can go to bed and you will sleep as a reward for getting out of the house and doing an activity. That you will sleep and that you deserve some time to have fun and peace. You tell yourself you will, you will sleep, you will be tired after cooking today and fixing the fence and you will enjoy the movie and then come home and have a sleep. It is alot of self talk but I think you are stronger than you realize. I even had this thought about it too, what if you took another car, I am not sure if you have two or even if you drive, but you could go and leave when you felt you needed to, even if you went for 30 mins would be a huge achievement???

    You are so brave and I am so happy for you for the two things you have done today, this is really fantastic and I hope you feel good about you too.

    Hugs

    Sarah xx

  24. willdo
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    17 January 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi,

    No movies for me last night. as soon as they left i jumped in bed. it was so uncomfortable for a while i took medication , before i knew it they were back i said hello and went straight back to bed.

    I'll try harder next time , not sure what it is about me and this sleeping thing.

    thank you again

    William

    1 person found this helpful
  25. Aaronsis
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    17 January 2020 in reply to willdo

    Hey William

    I am so proud of all the things you managed to achieve yesterday, do not beat yourself up about the movies, baby steps, you cannot climb the mountain in one day. That is great that you got up to chat and say hi though, fantastic.

    I was thinking of you last night and how the roast was received by the family and how did your wife react to the gate being fixed? So proud of you!

    Today is a whole new day and you can go tell that anxiety to "GO JUMP"..and see what little thing you can conquer today....

    You are making such good progress and this is not easy but you are choosing you and choosing life and I am so happy for you.

    Hugs as always

    Sarah

  26. willdo
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    17 January 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    hi Sarah.

    today's 2 things done thanks to your "go away anxiety" mantra .

    -my wife asked if i can drop something off to her at work , i panicked, its raining , my anxiety soared. tried to make excuses and get out of it. But with self talk and assurance i did it.

    -whilst out i stopped at the chemist and dropped off a script, something i have been contemplating for over a week and wanting my wife to do it for me.

    I survived

    exposure therapy-psychologist always talks about but he never pushed me to do it . perhaps because i have many other MH issues and keep taking in him around in circles.

    i just wish my mood and OCD can get better. not sure if to try and contact my psychiatrist or wait till the 1/2

    again thank you

    William

    1 person found this helpful
  27. Aaronsis
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    17 January 2020 in reply to willdo

    OH William..this is truly so very wonderful and I am so happy for you.

    This is not "thanks to my mantra" ...this is all you my friend..this is you standing up to that bully in your head trying to hold you down.

    Wow, I am so happy for you and your wife must have been so happy to see you and so very proud that you could drop off something to her at work, despite the internal noise and the 100 reasons "why not to"..you did it, you got up and chose you..well done.

    Yes you did survive and you did it and even going to the chemist, another task that you have been putting off and today you stood up and accepted it. That is so very brave and I am so proud of you William.

    This is not easy and I am in no way trying to make light of this situation, what you did was so hard for you and you shut that noise down and did it and that is so strong and so awesome.

    I am not sure what to tell you about contacting the psychologist, I think only you can answer that one. How are these wins making you feel? Do you think in some small way you are feeling somewhat more at peace or at least a small amount of joy that you are achieving something so brave?

    Anxiety is a beast and needs to be shut down and tamed...it speaks lies and it talks untruths....you are so much stronger than you realize William and I am so happy that you have taken back some small part of you over the past two days...congratulations.

    Enormous hugs to you

    Sarah xx

  28. willdo
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    17 January 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi

    I hate this time of the day, i used to start drinking or nag my wife to go play the pokies, didn't care about the consequences which were major till the next day.since the operation i decided to stop (somehow i did), smoking, drinking, gambling .

    i now it sounds ridiculous but sometimes i wish i can go back there as the pain,boredom this time of the night is unbearable lately especially in the last few months (when they decided to change my meds, cannot wait to go to bed)

    my head is like a tumble dryer "why me", "when the medication will start working","should i ring doctor or beyond blue" my mind never veers away to anything positive.

    i needed to post this , sorry.

    William

  29. willdo
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    18 January 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah, hope all is well.

    my psychiatrist rang me this morning (was not expected). I explained how i'm feeling and that the current medication are not really working.

    He is keeping the current medication and dose but adding a new medication to it (another one , my God). he argued strongly against going back to the original i had for 20 years.

    I'm so anxious about another medication and the extra cost ($40 not covered), he is faxing the script to my chemist on Monday.

    William

  30. Aaronsis
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    18 January 2020 in reply to willdo

    Good Morning William

    Sorry for the late response, it was my birthday yesterday and had some dinner plans and then donated blood this morning.

    That is really positive that your doctor rang and also that he has a plan for you, I get it that another pill is somewhat overwhelming but if it means peace and that you can move forward in your life then that is wonderful. The cost is alot and that is tough too..but I feel positive that he has a plan for you, that is great.

    How are you feeling today? I wanted to say about your message yesterday, dont ever apologize for coming on and venting and chatting and getting it off your chest, that is what we are here for, to help through these tough times. If it helps to dump it here then that is fantastic too.

    Have you got any plans to do something fun today, something that you can feel good about you???

    Just about to have a coffee with my mum so be back soon.

    Huge hugs

    Sarah xxx

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