Topic: Introducing mmMekitty

Dear mmMekitty ( wiht a wave to Grandy and MC )

Oh dear. I'm afraid my attempts at graphics were not as successful as I'd hoped. It IS the penguin singing, not the fish, it's just the penguin's melodic efforts rise up. The fish is indeed for the dinner table and took a lot of searching DB's old posts to find it (Ta DB, now we're even on that penguin)

As for medals, only equal gold is acceptable MC, so you are stuck with it.

On the more serious topic of posting, I guess it does depend on the nature of the matter. As MC has rightly pointed out there are different areas for different things, and browsing a sample of each will let you know how they are used.

It is highly important that you can express matters, so my only other suggestion is that you ease into things gently and see how you go. The worst that will happen is the moderators will withdraw the post and let you know it was too much.

I doubt that will happen though, you have an excellent feel for things and will probably accomplish whatever you want without resorting to language or imagery in the wrong area that would distress others.

Croix

Hi MC & Croix,

I'm not sure how to explain, or if I can explain what happened, why my post was as edited as it was, only so much having been removed, it was very painful. I had feelings I wanted to expressed, negated. I guess I can say this much.
*
Yeah, about the recliner chair idea, I have wanted one, too.

I would replace my two-seater sofa, which I bought, hoping Mekitty would sit with me, or on the wider armrests, perhaps while I was there. She did like it, walking along the back edge, behind my head, & jumping down, using it for a scratching post, & when I draped a rectangular shawl, leaving the open front slightly open for her to peer out of, from underneath, like a tent - she liked that, too.

She never sat any closer than the far end of the other seat, away from where I sat.

I also like it because it is high, & does not sink to the floor when I sit, making me struggle to get up out of it again. The height of the seat with the dense foam cushions comes up to just below the back of my knee. It sinks only a little.

The armrests are too high to make it a comfortable place to nap, the whole thing being too short to stretch out on.

Now, I would like a recliner rocker, then I could lay back & drift off while listening to music or a book without turning it up so I could hear it from the bedroom. I do worry I turn up the volume too loud.

*
Croix, I commend your effort to search for a fish, & what a fine fish you found!🐡A blowfish
🐡or Fugu fish!🐡😺🐡😻🐡😹🐡😻! Fugu Fish! Excellent! They are a fishy bubbles!

*

Spent today at the hospital. I had an appointment, which was cancelled but I was not told. When I explained that there was more fluid building up on the right side of my chest, I was told to go to Emergency & there someone could tend to it.

At Emergency, my helper was told she could not stay with me. I thought she'd go home to wait for a call to return when I was done. So I went in, & was given a RATest, & also they insisted I try to wear a shield because I couldn't wear a mask. 😸 I could, but remember this is in chilly air-conditioning. & then I waited, & waited, & finally someone saw me, & I was sent up to where I had gone to meet the surgeon, to see someone there.

More waiting, & waiting, until I finally saw someone, who did drain off some more fluid from both sides. It wasn't very easy, & I feel a little worse for it right now.

My helper had waited in the large foyer entrance all arvo. I was home at nearly 6pm, exhausted.

mmMekitty

Indeed, wearing the shield was okay, but I was feeling anxious, fearing I still might panic. I didn't, though. It is awkward, & slipped some, so I kept having to adjust it, & messing up my hair, too. I keep wondring if it was the cool air that made it okay, to some extent. More importantly was that none of the thing made contact with my face. The the foam stuck along the top of the thin (like thin cardboard) plastic face shield itself, is at least two cms thick, so the shield does not even touch my nose. It curves around the face, almost ear to ear, with a light-weight band of elastic around the back of my head. I suppose it could be tightened if I really thought it necessary, but for now, it feels alright. The man who put it on me had the top resting just above my eyebrows, with my glasses blow.

I don't think it is really adequate protection from becoming infected with COVID-19 or transmitting it into the air if I had it. As I thought, the gap is just too big around the sides & below my chin. I could feel my own breath on my hands when I held them close below.

I suppose it is better than nothing - but not by much, in my unprofessional opinion.

mmMekitty

Dear mmMekitty~

This is of necessity short.

First I love the picture of the feline face looking out from under the shawl tent.

I hope, as Sir Humphrey would say I hope "in the fullness of time at the appropriate juncture" you do acquire the recliner rocker you would like.

Thank you for you appreciation of my sneaking back and raiding an old post of DB's for the fish (I'm sure it will never be missed:)

Your helper sounds a treasure.

On expressing what you wish, you are feeling you way and I'm sure will get there, do not undersell yourself either with this or anything else.

Croix

Hi mmMekitty

The shield may not stop spreading or getting infected but it reduces the spray of fluids and it also protects your eyes from aerosol suspended germs. They know the best protection is face shield plus n95 mask. You were as protected as a surgical mask as most people don’t wear them properly.

The hospital shuffle is really not good enough. At least that terrible experience is over. You are suffering enough and your helper was probably given no news and told she’ll be out soon. Your experience is often the norm

we bought a nice lounge and bed about 10 years ago and both are now uncomfortable a rocking recliner would be amazing. I wanted a recliner for years but they are so ugly. I’m not quite ready for ugly furniture I like pretty things. I’m also not happy with excessive consumption. I know when to get rid of something when it’s falling apart and unusable. Even then it’s a struggle for me.
Your kitty and my dog would have gotten on, he likes his space. He would never sit on the couch or leans on my lap. He comes close when I’m distressed and will put his face up to me till I calm down and he watches me and follows me but the rest of the time he’s in his own space. When grandkids hug him and try to lay with him he gets very anxious and I have to tell him to stay. He like gentle pats and food. But keep your distance.
Croix thank you I accept the gold. To honour the medal I’m going to attempt going into the yard again. I’m in a holding pattern when I’m home alone. I have the feeling of being held back physically and I just look out the windows. So I will have a coffee on the veranda twice a day instead of behind locked doors.
All the best

MC

Hi, MC & Croix,

My helper wasn't told, as she had expected, when I was ready to leave. Neither of us expected I would go to the other (Surgical Outpatients?) place, where she could have been permitted to be with me again.

*

I like your plan, going out onto the varranda to have your coffee, sounds good to me. If my environment did not have rubbish dropped in it, I might do the same, just to take a break from being inside, feeling that locked-in feeling too, I suppose.

I'm tempted to feed the birds, to bring them to within MY viewing range - which means, a metre or two away, but not in bushes! Out in the open, on the railing at my back door, would be wonderful.

*

My sofa is not falling apart, so I'd send it back to, one of the charities, where I got it from, I hope - but I can't remember which! They could resell it again, & get a little more money for it.

I like pretty too, but not into leather, let alone vinyl. I would therefore, like a properly upholstered recliner-rocker! For someone on a particularly low income, I do have expensive tastes, 😸 uncomfortably like my (ex-)step-mother.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

for both of you

mmMekity

Dear mmMeKitty and CM~

I too like the idea of going out at night and having a cuppa, the big problem is the garden gnats and mosquitoes also feel like having an outdoor drink:( I've tried mosquito coils (the ones you burn) and various aerosols, but they have to be applied so often it is not pleasant -sigh.

With birds we have umpteen, even though we do nothing , they simply like the fact our house is an oasis of trees and shrubs in an area where most think a well-manicured lawn is the bees' knees. Fortunately Sumo is too lazy to do anything and lets them be on the occasions he's allowed out.

With your veranda MK, would it be possible to put up a bird feeder? Even one of those bell shaped solid blocks of seeds on a string?

My chair relines but does not rock. It is the only one I've found that eases my spine when bad and even allows me to sleep. It is very old and has been recovered twice by the local auto-upholsterer. (who is getting pretty practiced at doing it.:)

I too have expensive tastes but Mrs C holds me in check, she says his-and-hers Rolls Royces is a tad showy.

Incidentally MK I rather liked the phrase you wrote elsewhere:

I'm a little concerned that there seems to be a divide growing amongst us, which I don't think is helpful for us to continue.

You are quite right. This place is about gettng on together and supporting each other, even though it is sometimes hard to know where to draw the line with beliefs and experiences.

CM are you still having to go back to the moon boot when you get tired?

Have another fish
🐟

Croix

P.S. MC, forgot to say:-

Your psych was right, that 's exactly where I sit, not thinking about it, just comes natually for the same reason, hyper-vigilance even now, unkempt years after the Force, but it does no harm and makes me feel more at ease

-C

Thanks for the 🐟, so pretty, I hope 🐡&🐟 will be good friends, in the🛁I'll put outside. (in lieu of there not being an emoji for a fish bowl, or fish tank, or pond, or lake, or river...🚿 was the next best option!)

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Thanks for your comment about my comment...😸When I get a feeling my perspective & approach is not welcome, then I guess it's time to step back.

*

I'll give the idea of a bird feeder some thought. The porch railing is a little above waist height, so I'm not sure about tht... & there is nothing to hang anything from out there - unless the big weed the 'gardeners' have managed not to notice for more than six months, keeps growing, & begins to have thick enough branches to support both feeder & birds, if they don't mind the thorns.

Also, I've heard, it's not a good idea to feed them regularly, because they can become dependant on you for food, & even teach their chicks to come to your place. What happens when you are no there for extended periods, or you are not there at all anymore? Besides, us humans tend to give them the wrong sort of food. So, I think some research is in order anyway.

*

mmMekitty

Dear MK

I was intending the fish fir your tummy 🍴, not as a pet. Oh well.

While you may have a point about wild animals becoming dependent, I think in part it is a question of degree. A tasty tidbit is one thing, a regular total diet is another. It is amazing if you put a treat out regularly for 1/2 hour each day how quickly they will come ot scoff it (or have alternations with others)

I'm glad you feel (or I hope you do) supported by my comment on your comment.

I'm considering using the minuscule authority of a Champion to try to point out that diverse strongly held views can hurt others, even without such intent.

Sometimes one has to lay one's own beliefs to one side (I'm not saying abandon them) in order to see the hurt and distress others with opposing views may be going though. This place is about support, not expounding beliefs where mental health is not the first thing on the agenda.

If I figure out what to say more exactly then I'll post there. Médecins Sans Frontières has the right attitude. Help all, not matter which side.

Bonne nuite

Croix

Hi Croix

Yes he said there’s no harm to it and it’s a learned behaviour. He’s happy for me to do whatever I do to feel safe and prepared. Actually a lot of my behaviour is about getting out in front of situations.
Im a preprarer (not a word but should be) I look at facial clues and check the atmosphere to be alert for the unexpected. I make sure everyone has what they need and preempt there needs. The Boy Scouts have nothing on me. I also learnt how to fight and trained and did weight training. I feel more vulnerable now because of my age I no longer have that ability. I thought learning how to protect myself was a choice but now maybe it was my PTSD.

The moon boot is back on as usual I cherry picked what the surgeon said I am to work with physiotherapist to strengthen foot to transition to an ankle brace. I’m in pain again because I overdid it. I’m also supposed to ice and elevate and do strengthening exercises 2 or 3 times a day. My weights arrived yesterday and I’m starting home gym workouts. Getting to gym in Covid wasn’t working for me.

MC

Hi mmMekitty

Donating takes the sting out of replacing things and downsizing for me too. I try to have only what I need and donate the rest but I still end up with too much.

I can imagine how confusing and upsetting for you and your helper being in a hospital now with understaffing. It wasn’t great before.

I don’t feed the birds there’s so many bugs and spiders they have much to feed on. I chased a bird away yesterday that was trying to eat a baby lizard. Unfortunately they are being decimated by birds and cats and dogs. My dog likes birds lizards and cats and doesn’t interfere I open the door and tell him to chase the birds and he jumps around and barks and the hunting birds and cats know to ignore him. Useless. I’m also sick of the bird poo

im heading out to visit family again today and I went to supermarket and got food to take and spent too much money I nearly couldn’t get back to my car the pain was so bad and I was struggling to get food into my car and then I was wondering how I get trolley back to it’s spot and a young man said I’ll take that for you and took the trolley. I said thank you so much and got in my car and cried how lovely and then I had to get it inside when I get home. I took a bag at a time and it was so painful and exhausting but I did it. My good foot started to give out and I was limping bad. But I survived and I rang my husband from the car park after the nice guy helped and told him and he got angry at me for not using my crutches and for going shopping on my own etc. lol I just wanted to tell him about the nice man.
How are your wounds healing and what’s your next treatment will you have physiotherapist treatment

MC

😺 Hi MC,

The man at the carpark did show you some compassion & kindness. That was nice.

I see, however, your hubby was expressing some concern, thinking you had maybe over-done it. You did achieve a lot, but when doing that causes you so much pain, I'm not surprised hubby could not care less about the man in the carpark, only thinking of how difficult doing that much shopping was, & perhaps feeling a little guilty he (hubby) wasn't doing the shopping with you?

*

I want to confirm with the Physiotherapist that I do the exercises properly. If I know I'm doing them right, I'm more likely to do them as much & as often as recommended.

I never seem to remember when I'm supposed to begin the hormone therapy aspect. Feels embarrassing, but I will have to ask again.

I had thought hard bits along the scar were part of the stitches, but I had to ask my helper to look at one of the small wounds where fluid was drained last Tuesday, to see if it needed another bandaid put on it, & she said there is all these little scabby bits along the stitches. That'swhat has been causing some of the stingy pains in various places along there. Pointy ended little scabs! I think every puncture must be sealed up now, so I ought to be able to have a proper shower, now?! (Gentle spray). I know I am supposed to be reaching more now, but still not to my fullest extent. I can't adjust my showerhead, which has been slipping....

I'd still rather not have a broken foot, moon boot, crutches, brace, that you do.

mmMekitty

Hi mmMekitty

My stuff is whinging baby stuff and I’m not putting my struggle down at all. I have support and I’m very lucky and I know it.

Oh the wound does seem to be healing but not quite there yet. That prickling stinging discomfort you describe is a very uncomfortable stage of the wound healing. It’s still quite fragile and will need more time and patience and gentle care. Next time you go to GP maybe nurse can wash it down and clean it up a bit more. Skin will flake and scab and once scabs all gone then some wet bandages will help soften the scar. They use a silicone cream or strips and cover and it reduces scars so they soften. It’s very effective and newish advances in wound care. I think it’s old technology made new they used to use poultices and creams in the past.
I think it’s a good idea to make sure your doing exercise correctly first.
I don’t think anyone remembers their treatment dates or anything. It’s in one ear and out the other for everyone. It depends too on your recovery and it varies on who your doctor is too.
Just ask they know everyone forgets or gets nervous.

MC

Hi MC,

I do feel very tight across the stitching, from one arm pit to the other, like wearing tight elastic aross my chest.

I did phone the hospital today, because they never did send me a confirmation SMS about tomorrow's appointment. They assure me it is tomorrow, at noon.

I know at some point I am supposed to use a cream to help soften the scar - & as usual, I don't know when to start doing that. I remember being shown to use a circular motion to gently massage with the cream.

The forecast for today was 32°, & I was feeling it. (I know that's not really so hot , but for me, where I am, we've had a mild summer),& warmer tomorrow & Wednesday, so today, I decided, because I think all the wounds are sealed, I was going to have a proper shower, slightly cool, to cool me, but more to feel cleaner. It felt so good!😻 I didn't turn the water full on, & let it flow over my shoulders on down my front, gently, so that worked out fine! 😺I even managed to wash my hair, albeit mostly using my right hand to do it.

It may be so very warm Wednesday, I won't to try Face Time with my PDr, just because I won't want to have a top on!

Because I have this tight elastic feeling across my chest, I, therefore, don't feel actually naked, more like I'm wearing a sleeveless 'boob tube' (lol! I couldn't keep one up if I wanted to, now), So, it does not bother me to talk on the phone wearing nearly nothing. Face to face, or if I do manage Face Time phone calls, I will feel obliged to wear something, just in case my phone slips, & shows more of me than my head. I feel that would be awfully embarrassing & perhaps even highly inappropriate, even though I have less on my chest than any (healthy) man. I wonder what my PDr would think if a male patient showed up either in person or on a video call, shirtless?

Agh! So much social conditioning! I don't think I could put it to the test. 😼

*

MC, you say, "little baby whinging stuff", is that something like my sense of a little mmMekitten inside me, having complaints, wants, needs, words to say, feelings to express, things not allowed or available when I was mmMekitten's age, perhaps, an 'inner child'? these little ones do deserve our attention.

My little mmMekitten wants to unashamedly run around topless!😹

mmMekitty

Hi mmMekitty

😂😂😂🐈 run around topless with the sprinkler going on a day like today. We have hot days with feels like 5-7 degrees hotter. So I’m under the fan today I fell asleep and snored loudly the heat is draining.
Im in isolation for 2 days. Waiting for a test results and I’m imagining symptoms more than likely but my nose was runny and I have a mild headache but I am stressed so that could be just normal for me. I will be surprised if I am positive I’m so isolated but I had contact with a positive case.

The tight band sounds unbearable 😨 seriously time for some break time.

can they write notes for you. I could never remember when what and why. I honestly couldn’t tell you when any of my appointments are I need them to send me messages.

I hope visit today went well and you got some information and some reassurance. I find getting confirmation and exacting answers really help recovery. When I’m unsure of what is needed and what I should be doing I feel worse.
MC

Today turned into a day about the best I could say was that I was in air-conditioning, freezing though it was. My helper & I arrived shortly before noon.

Today, while I saw another Dr, who couldn't manage to drain off much fluid at all, so she thinks it's not fluid building up in my chest. & speaking to her, saying since Friday night I've had a little pain in the left side of my chest, directly below my arm pit. After describing she thought I might have a blood clot forming in there, & said my best course of action would be to go to Emergency, (again), get a CT scan.

My helper had to wait out in the foyer again.

RAT (negative), ting, then going for an x-ray, then back to another small room, where I was hooked up to monitoring machines, then a while later, I had an ECG done then waiting, somesaid they'd find some sandwiches for me. Forty minutes later, blood was eventually extracted from me - as if I was stone! later, Someone said they would see about getting a tray for me, 5:45pm, & waiting, then I was taken for a CT scan,& taken back to wait still some more. Finaly I got a report to take to my GP, (tomorrow). After all of that, they didn't find anything of significance.

We didn't leave until 7pm.

I was feeling hungry enough to get something at a McDonald's drive thru.

*

Anyway, MC, while you wait for test results, why not have a go at every good strategy you know to distract you from those fearful thoughts.

Here's a thought: have you drawn pictures on your moon boot?

*

I ask my helper to make notes. Many places, my GP & the hospital, usually send an SMS about forthcoming appointments. They were supposed to do that when they were sure of the time of my appointment today, but didn't.

I've tried using the voice recording app on my phone, but it is not so easily accessed, & the messages may not be a s clear because of background noise.

I used to have a little portable book reader, which had a one button record function. It was quick & simple to use & retrieve messages. It broke & was unrepairable.

I sometimes forget to check that I have noted appointments, where I want: in my own Word doc 'calendar' - a list of appointments , who, what, why where & when & even how.

*

My chest feels restricted, but that's mostly okay. I would like to feel I could fully stretch out again.

*

Work on your happy place. Drink water. & I hope, sleep well.

❤️☮️ 🧸🌷🌻 💤🌅

mmMekitty

Hi mmMekitty

Sounds like day in the salt mines to me. The only positive I can see from your ER nightmare the thoroughness of your check up. CT scan blood tests done.

Note to mmMekitty pack sandwich and drinks and a biscuit for next visit.

Test came back negative for me so I’m off to physiotherapist today. I don’t like him but I don’t like physiotherapists. I have nothing to paint my moon boot with and I’m not very arty. I have had a total failure at my happy place exercises. Can’t get there even for a second. I will keep trying trouble is I’m either too distracted or 1 time I fell asleep. 🤣

Hopefully today you can rehydrate and rest at home after your exhausting day. Did the maccas taste better because you were hungry.

🦄🦄🦄 3 magic unicorns to use for next hospital appointment.
MC

Hi MC,

Good news about your test.😺

Yes, indeed, that's great idea. I don't really think of packing a lunch, because it is so rare that I cannot get something to eat when I am out & about anymore. But, yes, when going to the hospital, I may as well carry one more thing. (I already carry some water, but because rest rooms are not always conveniently located to where I am, I don't tend to do more than have an occasional sip)

GP was happy, too. I'm still stewing ... a bit.... though having results tha show nothing significant is sort of helpful. Nothing obviously terrible, but not discovering what this symptom could be...oh, well, all I can do is wait & hope it resolves itself, or gets bad enough so whatever it is can be discovered!

Sometimes I wonder how bad something has to get before the GPs or other Drs take it seriously, because it is finally so obvious they cannot NOT recognise there is really something wrong.

What is the exterior of the moon boot made of? Would a marker pen work? You can draw crooked stars, hearts, & smiley faces, Maybe even copy me: 😺, (Croix could be a challenge, though, there being no emoji walruses...) or🐶, 🐦, or 🐸 or some little🌷🌼🌻, or a 🌞, whatever you like. You could even write on the sole, then walk all over those words! (I can imagine some words I'd like to trod on - but I'll leave you to choose your own)

As for Maccas: No, but at least I did not have to begin to cook when I got home. That's what made it worth while. If it happens again, I'd try somewhere else.

mmMekitty

Hi mmMekitty

For me I found finally at the end of a terrible treatment with lots of complications that were mostly ignored and if it landed me back in hospital then a kind of judgment that I was doing something wrong to cause. Long sentence take a breath. Well I was told these things happen and you’re going to live not everyone is as lucky as you and then they praised me about how well I had done. One clinic nurse said to me we thought you were drinking and that’s why you had complications. I was so very angry and incensed and then a nurse friend explained that they can’t predict how our bodies will respond to surgery or chemo and they are just happy when you do ok. They try and listen and they also try and keep you positive. Hopefully the swelling or fluid will dissipate and no further drainage needed.

my much hated physiotherapist has really helped me I can walk so much better. When they start digging into backs of calf’s absolutely agony I was sweating buckets. Now I have this hard roller I have to do it myself. I have a hard ball for my feet to stretch instep. I have planters fasciitis and it’s stopping me from walking evidently. I think I’ve had that for a long time. So bright side of breaking my foot I’m getting other stuff fixed and it’s making me exercise. I have a Kmart exercise ball and weights and I do my 20minutes of weights and I’m feeling a bit stronger already. I also have the feet exercises and ice treatment so it’s all about me and getting better physically.

It would be good if you could get lymphatic massage they are a very light touch not deep tissue and I know you don’t like being touched but it’s really good. Everything is expensive though and you’ve already incurred extra expenses. Even going to appointments costs.

MC

Hi MC, & all

I had Plantar Fasciitis & had tried several things to help/treat the condition. None seemed to work. Eventually I just put up with it. then, years later, I was told, 'Oh, you don't have that anymore!'

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Especially in the public health system, people see too much, & become cynical, & make judgements about everyone, overall, not meeting, greeting & getting to know individual, & treating us as individual people anymore.

Also I find, when I present with a problem, how quickly it must be a problem with being over-weight. So often now, the first questions are about my weight & diet, then exercise.

I acknowledge exercise is a problem, which I need help with, but so long as I am experiencing more pain with every minute of exercise, it seems rather pointless to insist that all I need to do is exercise.

*

As much as I don't like being touched, I have had to accept quite a bit of it, from lots of different people. When I go to the hospital, I don't get to choose who I see, whether they are nurses or doctors, or allied health workers. Even for the short time I was having a nurse coming to my place to change the drainage bags & check &/or replace dressings, I saw at least 6 different nurses for that alone. I guess I'm getting used to it.

Often people think & act as if it is easier to push, pull, & prod me to go where they need me, rather than taking the time to explain what they need. & it is quicker, I agree. I just don't like my body being pushed around, treated like a mannequin,, posed & positioned for their comfort.... part of me wants to scream. while another says, let's get on with it, &it will be over soon. I rarely manage to say anything, to even get them (sometimes) to be more gentle, like on my left shoulder. (which still is so tender)

If I don't stop long enough to think about it, I do get through these examinations, x-rays, etc more quickly. But I get cranky later for not saying anything when I was feeling uncomfortable.

I want to say something, to feel I have some control over what is happening to my body. Now there seems so much going on that is out of my control, I am wanting some, a little token of control, I guess.

The control I want seems: it's not so much to ask, is it? But I've felt unable to ask, as if it is too much to hope for, & I'd be making things too hard, take too long, be too inconvenient - for them! & there it is; I am considering their needs before my own.

mmMekitty

Dear MK anbd MC

Cant' talk to much this evening, sorry

First you both on the right a, a happy place if you wish to call it that id a simple mental trick to place you somewhere else , somewhere you have good vibes inside -y ou can have may, and you are both on the right track,

I'm sorry I can't talk more this evening, a purely physical problem. due to pain I cannot give you a reasoned post - my regrets.

You both have more control than you believe, I have every confidence you will both end up in a life with more sun that you believe possible at the moment

MK I can give you a decade and change - you young whippersnapper :)

Croix

😸No need for reasoned posts, especially when you can't focus your attention where you might prefer. I welcome your posts, no matter what you say, or how you say it, typos & all.

If I am a whippersnapper (a funny looking fish/eel thing?), then you are a Fogey, (not quite Bogey)!😺

*

I got to thinking about my Sis last night, eventually, while I was having another re-think about the idea I have had, that I would like to live totally independently of people, in an isolated place, away from everyone & everything.

It's a pipe dream, you know, up in smoke in moments. It is simply impossible.for me to do everything I would need to do to sustain my life without people doing things for me. I realise, I'm no gardener for a start. Hunting would be even more unlikely a way to feed myself.

There's a lot of people out there, from farmers to the delivery drivers dropping my groceries at my door. There's the people who keep these businesses operational as well.

& for my physical/psychological health, there are many people supporting me too, from building maintenance workers, to the people I actually interact with, such as the Doctors & Nurses at the hospital, & my own GP & PDr. ...

& the people providing the means by which I communicate, phone, internet, & the many places linked, like Centrelink, Medicare, NDIS, state housing, my bank, my other service providers, my helpers... so many people I never meet, doing what they do to keep the systems running (flawed they may be, but we have something better than nothing).

& so much more...

then I realised I hadn't thought to recognise my Sis, how her support is so valuable, how she has forgiven my long absence from her life, how she is so kind & willing to help me so much, to get certain legal matters settled. She has taken 1.5 hours to drive to pick me up so we could go get some papers signed, by someone she found online, & then another 1.5 back. In all, it was closer to 4.5 hours out of her day. She had sone this a few times now.

I'm so grateful to her, her kindness & generosity, her caring & warmth. It feels too much sometimes. I don't know if what I feel is 'love'. She says 'love you', & I'm not sure how to respond. She has wanted to hug me, & I am not sure I welcome that, even from her.

I'm sure I don't myself to feel so much for someone. It is a frightening thing to allow myself to be so emotionally vulnerable. Exposing my feelings, speaking them, has been so scary.

Like or not, I do need people, near & far.

mmMekitty

Dear mmMekitty~

I found my 60's marked a change, I improved greatly, took more control of my MH conditions and became more comfortable with my (lessening) limitations, and with other people. I would hope the same for you

You may not know if you love or not, and that can be confusing and leave you feeling you are in some way lacking -which is not the case. May I suggest than rather than analyzing your feelings, leaving you in doubt, do what I am sure you do already, and that is analyzing your sister's feelings and give her what she needs, be it an affirmation of love, or receiving a hug wiht the appearance of pleasure.

It may seem to you to be insincere or even dangerous, however I don't really think it is , it's just your previous injuries have put up a bar in the way.

You have listed all the practical ways people help you to live as you do, and all are no doubt correct, however even if you needed none of them I suspect you would find other interactions are surprisingly needed, from a laugh with a carer, an audience ot vent to, an author of a book or podcasts - and more.

Being a hermit is possible for some, however you take such an active part right here on the forum I'd hesitate to say it was the right path for you, I know it would not be for me.

Croix (the (old) fogey:)

Hello, Croix & all,

Update: Finally I have begun hormone blocker medication - at least for the next five years, maybe up to ten years! Here I was thinking five years was the usual length of this treatment, not the minimal length. There are a few alternate meds I could use if any unbearable side-effects arise. Far too early to know if I will have any side-effects, let alone those potentially unbearable ones. I have tended to tolerate meds for other thing pretty well, so hopefully thes will be okay, too.

I got more exercises to do, too. Stretching type of exercises, now. & I can also use a moisturising cream - a very basic type, no perfume, etcetera. The one I bought is good; it's not greasy at all.

*

Thank you Croix. I didn't get around to mentioning all the voices of people I listen to, via radio, occasional podcast, tele, online, authors, musician/singer/songwriters, so many, - I was running out of allowable characters! The more I think, the more there are.

There are a few who do feel known to me. & it's a sadness to me not to hear new music, or hear their voices on radio, & some will be missed when they will, in their time, leave the airways, or stop releasing new music or books. some people have been very important in my life, more than I can possibly say here.

I was rather shocked when Robin Williams reported the death of Andrew Ollie on The Science Show. I barely recalled hearing the fellow's name, & I felt more strongly than I would have imagined prior to that announcement.

What is odd to me is that I know I felt a some loss just knowing Joni Mitchell would not be recording anymore, & I can't view her artwork as I once did, & now she is getting on, you know, I dread the day when an announcement is made about her. I will feel a great loss then.

But I didn't feel anything when I heard my father had died, & very little about my mother's death. For different reasons, I simply felt any closeness had dissipated long ago.

& please don't go thinking this is even a little morbid! I'm not intending that at all.

*

😸Hey, MC, how are you?❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

mmmmm Give some ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ to spouses, Mr MC & Mrs C!

mmMekity

Hi mmMekitty

Were did I go I seem to have disappeared for a day or two. I do that I think I zone out. Lights are on no one home.

Good you have physical therapy and you have entered the final stages of your treatment. Does that sound positive it was meant to be.

So many are gone and we are all here soldiering on. Joni Mitchell her voice is still in my head. David Bowie lives on in my mind I can see him and hear his music. They and so many have left a legacy.

I dream of a little isolated house on the beach but it’s handy having the support of a big city. I can fantasise though and now that fantasy is a tiny seaside village in Thailand away from tourists and shopping at street stalls drinking fresh coconut. While reality is concrete trucks cars and barking dogs and rude neighbours. 😂

MC

Dear mmMeKitty~

I saw your post just now, a little briefer than some, but helpful to the poster nevertheless. I'm hoping you are becoming less overwhelmed by this place and can resume seeing it as almost a home at times. The people here that hold you in regard and care are not sounds in your test-to-speech, or even just text, they are human and very real.

Yes, there is a sense of loss when an artist you hold in high esteem ceases work or passes away and you know there will be no fresh works to enjoy, appreciate and help you though life.

Even so it is not like a person's memories as referred to in the quote:

.. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain...

As each leaves behind a body of work that has it's own life in a way. Both Sides,Now is a remarkable insight into the human condition - and ever more shall be so

As we age those we are familiar with drop away, but since being on this forum I've been introduces to so many new artists that I can get a sense of continuation. I'd never heard of Tom Waits for example, now his God's Away On Business and Chocolate Jesus are works I play often.

Croix

Are there any LRKs around?

I have been wondering how you are going, if the operation has settled down and you have enough support to start to regain the independence you value.

Croix

Hi Croix & MC,

Online again, I hope! 'm still waiting for the modem...

I've been doing my exercises, sort of, as much as I can, but not in two blocks of time, but more like six shorter blocks. I got to get up, wander round my flat, doing some stretches as I do, or while cooking, or when I lie down, & when I shower.

The Physio at the hospital showed me the lymphatic massage, (which MC had mentioned), & I did wonder about it, so had done a quick Google about it, & wasn't sure it was a therapeutically proven technique, but I guess it won't do harm either. If it does help to drain lymph fluid then fine, especially if it seems to reduce the swollen area on my chest.

*

Oh too tired to write more sensibly...🙀, no nana nap today.

mmMekitty

Dear mmMekitty~

You are indeed on-line again :)

Amazing what a difference a dud modem can make, NBN-=No Broadband Now.

Doing exercises piecemeal is what I do, hurts too much otherwise and my breath gets too short. I do finish eventually.

"Tears in the rain" comes from one of my favorite movies, deals with the de-personalisation of slaves and the flowering of humanity in a very convincing grungy future world.

I hope the massage is beneficial

Croix