Topic: Introducing mmMekitty

Dear mmMeKitty~

Of course I've longer teeth, after all the last puddy-tat with comparable dentition became extinct around 10,000 years ago. (And yes they get a salt-water bath every day, walruses have difficulties flossing)

Now I've no idea why you are sneaking thought the flowers - you're not related to Tiny Tim are you?

As for accents, tow is New Zealand for toe, which is spoken by Demonblaster's mob.

Again I've no idea why you wish to be a barber and give old-fashioned hair-cuts, you are obviously too subtle for me:(

Croix

Ah, you did know the song, I sing it to creep along, when I want to play at being a cross between a gardener & a barber, looking for whatever might need pruning & those whiskers look pretty long. & being an old-fashioned barber, it wasn't just hair cutting & shaving that they did, was it?

Click, click, click ... Those are not my claws on the tiles - I am practising to see if I can add shearer to my repertoire... click, click, click .... 🎶& mmMe paw moo-oove quick!🎶

Dear mmMekitty~

Both Sumo Cat and I have fine sets of whiskers, and do not need pruning then you! Perhaps your talents might be in demand by others at the end of Movember.

Croix

I'd better go after those sheep🐑🐏& 🐐🐐🐐& the 🐎🐎🐎& the 🐕🐩🐺 🦊hanging around the farm

Then I'm off to the zoo to trim, cut & shave as I see fit:🦁🦧🐼🐻🦓🦍🐒🦥🐨 🐅🦝 🦙,, & any other slightly or very hairy beast I find,

except, the🦨!

It's been getting warmer, more humid, I think they will be lining up

Me, I'm thinking, 'Trick or Treat?' & wearing my 🐱‍🐉costume.

see ya! 🐱‍🏍

Dear mmMekitty~

Rather than use anothers' thread I thought I'd come back here.

Going gray, well there is the well known phrase "all cats look grey at night", so you will be in good company. Plus all cats shed, you only have to look at my jumpers to know that.

Seriously memory does have it's ups and downs, I find it is worse more or less in direct proportion to an increase in mental symptoms or physical pain. Easing these has a very positive effect, memory ability -and concentration -does return

Being grumpy? You should have seen Nasty Cat. She would lie on top of the heater in the kitchen (a major thoroughfare) and swipe and sink her claws into passing people, dogs or cats, just to express an antisocial attitude. I think she was disappointed if travelers did not come within range.

As for comparing your ills with others. True it is subjective and hard to judge, though I suspect you will always tend to minimize your problems against others. However that is where other people's opinions come into play. If I can see two people I may well be able to say which is in a worse state and pass that information on.

Thank you for the hint on Word. If I use my main computer in my office I have umpteen screens and MS Office on it. This allows me to view a post as I answer it in Word, then paste the reply. If on the other hand I'm in front of my wood fire in the study with Sumo Cat at my elbow giving me the benefit of his experience, then I use a laptop and tend to write direct in the reply box (a perilous venture) . Needless to say I prefer this despite its shortcomings.

You think you are over the half way mark!

Croix (who like every other walrus sheds his fur every year:)

Oh woe, how can I look forward to shaving you if you go on shedding every year?

I tell myself to write posts in my word document first,too, but often forget. It is easier to edit when I write too much, as usual for me. but even on these text boxes we are provided, if you notice any little wavy red lines while writing, you can right click & at the top of the list of option, you can see & hopefully, select the correctly spelled word.

I am, (let's just say it), 62, not a healthy specimen of the species.so I will be very surprised if Iam to be nudging any longevity records. & also for the record, I don't want a letter from any royalty, so just write, 'return to sender' on it. & fdrop it in a mail box, if they still exist. If they send emails by then, see if I could be removed from their list or report them as spammers.

Croix, it seems the world is intent upon making me as cranky as Nasty Cat. More new neighbours who seem to think the last couple days have been made just for them to come out & argue, loud enough for everyone to hear, & move about, onto the street, too, just to be sure half the street knows. & as usual, anyone who can shout when angry, gets a blast right back at them, for telling them to keep it down. Some of the language my neighbours use is no better than theirs.

& me, being a scaredy cat, puts up with it, unless I hear threats

If I could tell which flat where any of them is from, I could complain, & may as well wish on a star I cannot see, for all the good it will do.

I saw the moon the other very early morning, almost going too low, where a stand of palm trees,wouldblock my view. My eyes were making things blue tinted, so the moon was, at least BLUE for me. 😸 That's something, ain't it? I can't hold a steady gaze, so it was bouncy too!

I know I am under some stress, but I am waiting...that's all I want to do. That & not worry. Of-course this alone, could be the cause of my memory seeming to have decided it has a casual part-time position these days, but I'm not convinced that's all.

I did get a scan of my head, & I guess it didn't show much of any interest. GP has not phoned to get me in any earlier than my next scheduled appointment. I went online & read what little all those pictures told them. I was in the machine for just a few minutes & they took more than 50 pictures.

They said more about my nose! Well, if the GP can help with that, after seeing the pictures, maybe I'll get something out of the experience.

🙀later,

mmMekitty

Dear mmMeKitty~

Walruses can glide silently past when they have a mind to, so do not be overly surprised to see one is ahead.

Talking of heads, or in your case noses, it's a fallacy I believe to think a cat is healthy if their nose is cold and wet. A healthy cat can just as easily have one that's warm and dry. The give away is if they paw their nose a lot, hopefully something you have no urge to do.

I'm not sure Dr Google can give you a complete radiologist's opinion, however the fact you doctor has not contacted you more quickly than normal is most encouraging.

Memory (or the lack of it) is as you know subject to many influences. some years ago MarkJT (another policeman) had a thread about memory and concentration as influenced by PTSD, however any stress could do the same. You might be interested to look at it.

(The upshot was that 'smartphones rule':)

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/ptsd-trauma/poor-concentration-due-to-ptsd

Your neighbours sound pretty horrible however I think you are wise not to get involved, it is not a question of being a scaredy cat but simply weighing up risk and ongoing worry versus the seriousness of the situation. I think your non action is exactly appropriate ATM.

Your observations of the moon are interesting, mind you I can achieve a very similar effect with a swig or two of blue Curaçao, so the old saw "once in a blue moon" can refer to a rather variable period:)

I believe DB and Grandy left some behind the last time they partied on my iceberg in my absence despite my prohibitions

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/croix-parler/page/35#qykwsnHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

Croix (who still thinks you are a young whippersnapper)

Hi Croix, mightn't a 'whipper snapper' also refer to a whip cracking fish?

You mistake, or I did not be clear, I had gone to Medinexus, where QScan records scans & what they observed, there. I discovered they have been putting other scans/Xrays/ultrasounds there as well over the last, I can't recall, 5 years, I think. My GP will have access to them too

Realy does seem like we live in Orwell's world of Big Brother. But the upside is I don't have to collect big envelopes with plastic things in them. I don't call that a fair exchange, would you?

I gotta get answers, even if they are not answers I want or can benefit from, because not knowing seems worse - potentially much worse with each passing week when answers are not found, & so no direction can be recognised at the one to follow.

As for my neighbours, I only would like to prevent the incident from escalating, & our street ending up on the news.

I really need to go to sleep,

🙀 mmMekitty 💤 maybe

Dear mmMekitty~

Yes you should definitely go to sleep, "mightn't a 'whipper snapper' also refer to a whip cracking fish?" is terrible! Would you mind letting minnow when you are about to launch another pun so I have the oppor-tuna-ty to escape:)

Yes I did misunderstand, and of course you were quite right, and finding the extra test results would have been a bonus. and true, it has all changed with digital imaging, which I guess might be easier for you to read too.

I'm not sure abut Orwell. If you go to Denmark you will find you are assigned a unique number at birth or on citizenship and everything is recorded, from psych ward visits to learner's permit to library books.

There are checks and safeguards but each person's life is well and truly government recorded, yet it all seems to work well. I guess they have more trust in society and government. Here I'm sure the same information is taken down, but scattered though government, plus private local and overseas organizations with little real control. Hopefully medical records will remain confidential.

Not having answwrs is a soul-destroying state. I remember when I discovered my actions were because of PTSD, it was in a way a release and a weight off my sholders, I could now understand. Plus in my case it pointed the way for treatment. I hope matters clarify for you soon.

As for your neighborhood in the news, how about "Cat shaves all and sundry but does not sweep up after - a case of Kitty Litter?"

Croix

I had half my words taken away, & was very upset much of today, I went for a scan & finished with a biopsy, so now I am punctured & sore, & don't want to think about it all anymore, because I'm so frightened, but don't know what I can say, so likely I will be waiting until sometime next week, & unable to speak...I haven't even told my PDr about this physical concern, because I don't know anything yet, just that I think there is something else going on, & I'm waiting to find out.

I had my helper with me, & she is great. We can laugh, & I can tell her or at least try, & then we get distracted & drift into other things to talk about, so if I want to say more, I have to bring her back to the topic, but even that seems okay.

When something is really important I need to learn to 'be more assertive'. - I've heard that so many times! If I don't she won't know how much I need her support; she may end up thinking I do't need nearly as much as I do.

Same goes for my new GP, again!!! I really hope she is also much better than GPs I've had before), & my PDr, who I expect will go on his annual long leave as usual.

I didn't tell him I had joined BB, when he was away for a short break, because feeling alone & vulnerable at the time, I was angry at him. I think that's the main reason why. That, & I thought I wanted to do something independent & which I thought would supplement what his support is to me, when he is not away. Those breaks really get to me. More since COVID-19? Perhaps that has something to do with it, too..

*

You want terrible puns? Awful jokes? Do you have an iPhone? Ask Siri to "Tell me a joke", do this many times.

I don't usually tell jokes, or any prepared bit of funny - I much prefer the 'in the moment' something that strikes me as funny. Or a phrase might suddenly sound like the term 'whipper-snapper' had suddenly done. I love 'sick' jokes like those I heard as a child. I wish I could remember more of those. A couple I recall I might not be able to put here; I'm not going to bother trying.

What if I stick to platitudes & generalisations? Do you think that would help anyone?

Don't worry, Croix.

Don't worry, Sophie_M

I'm thinking with my feelings, not with my head.

I'm tired, but I want to go & pretend I am a little red cat/a much younger me, for a little while, because that's something else I feel a need to do.

mmMekitty

Dear mmMekitty~

Just forced to wait, as you are now, is one of the hardest things one has to do in life, often as bad as knowledge of the outcome. I had a similar time with a lung spot, and I don't blame you in the least for not wanting to talk about it.

So what can we do to help you pass those dragging long hours? Any suggestions? All I can offer at the moment is I tried to distract myself as much as possible (I too did not feel like disclosing the matter in detail). I have a very large collection of movies and caught up on my catalogueing to the sounds of English Radio comedy from the 60's

Would not seem at all exciting to most, but hit the spot for me.

If you stick to platitudes and generalizations for now that 's fine. Very often you go deeper, but its OK to glide. Everything you and others do, from showing fear to the most general of greetings will help more than you realise -this place is incredibly well scanned. People need others be with them, and often the contact does not have to be anything other than a quiet presence.

Jokes and terrible puns have their place, after all this forum is often deadly earnest, (see the Worst Joke Wednesday thread) however you don't have to go out of your way, I'd sooner an occasional bespoke joke that spontaneously occurred to you than something you felt obliged to provide.

I don't know if you need to be more assertive or not, we cannot all be the Terminator, and I'd not wish you to change.

Feeling and thinking wiht your emotions is fine at times, and being wihtout a support is unsettling, sometimes even a trifle frightening, and as a result one can be angry and resentful. It's not new and any psych or medico worth their salt would be well aware of the phenomena.

Getting your own supplementary support, such as here or your helper, just goes to show you are taking charge.

So you have to steer the conversation at times? That's OK, after all many have to train the people that support them in what to say or do.

You are coping more than well.

Croix

Dear mmMeKitty~

I don't know if it is of help to you or not however you had your biopsy last week and I've my flipper Xed that all has worked out well.

Whatever you have to face, good or bad, you have company

Croix

Hi Croix,

Sorry I havn't got back to you here. I had decided to distract myself.

I was also getting so irritated with my PC, connected to to my tele so I could use as the monitor, because the set up was playing up, & had been for some months. I decided to get someone in to fix it all up again for me, That was Thursday last eek.

He came, messed about, as if he really didn't know what to do. Eventually,, ,he decided I would need a new cable, & promised to return Friday, or Saturday. At this point he had made no improvemens to the problems, which was that my PC & TV, although connected, didn't think so if I left for a few minutes, without touching anything. I have to keep nudging my mouse, (which also seems to have a loose cord(, to get the view of my PC back again.

After he left, an hour later, there was a very brief power outage, so short that my PC restarted itself, & I saw it begin, then before showing the lock screen, my view of it went away, all dark. Not even a message telling me to check the connection or that this Mode is not supported.

& the fellow didn't return Friday, or Saturday didn't even phone to apologise. I called the company Sunday,& it was not until Monday, round sunset, that he came back. & the new cord didn't help. But Ihe did restore my set up to how it had been.

& I got charged two call-out fees!

I came here some, but it was very difficult without seeing something on the screen. I think a couple posts didn't end up getting posted. I kept trying to locate the 'Thanks for posting...' message, but it was elusive.

Actually, two biopsies were taken, from two lumps, one on each side. Effing ouch! (the first, into where I've been having pain). The other wasn't so bad. I go to see my GP tomorrow, as previously scheduled. Since no-one has phoned from the GP's, Do I assume it is not anything really drastic? But something will have be done about the one on the left, because of the pain. & then what else?

I am tempted to google, but I won't because I could be misled by whatever I find, not having something specific to google about. I would like to feel, at least, a little bit prepared.

Thanks for being here.

I do intend being around here through out the Silly Season & into the New Year, checking in quite frequently. This time of year has often been difficult for me, & so may this one. So it will help me to be available as much as I can.

I'll see you round, like a fishing hole in the ice. 😸

mmMekitty 😺⛸⛸ ⛸⛸

Hi Croix,

In a way, I don't know a lot more, & yet, I do. I have two lumps, & they are both cancer. & my GP has refered me to specialist/s as 'urgent', so morre soon.

My helper has offered to pretty much drop everything to help me get to appointments, or help in any other way.

I was thinking throughout yesterday evening about telling my sis, as we still are trying to sort out how, what, where, when to get our mother's will finalised. Legal stuff, requiring lots of red tape, forms, maybe even going in person interstate to a consulate office... I am not sure I can provide all documents even to prove who I am.... I'm wondering if it is worth so much stress & my sis is dealing with most of it. One of my brothers is not doing anything, as far as she knows. I find it all overwhelming myself. Other brothers - I don't know anything...

So, now, I have this to tell my sis, & I'm not sure how. Or even if, & wait until I know more about how serious this could become? If it was her & not me, I'd want to know sooner. I'm not sure how much practical difference it would make, though, becaus I'm not in a good place, physically, emotionally or otherwise, to help her, as she might be to help me, if I ask...& I'm not sure I want to do that. She has had to deal with so much, lives an hour/two away as well, working, too.

& yes, I don't want to be a burden. That's at the heart of my reluctance to tell her. I don't want her to feel she must take on more for my sake than she already has with regards to our mother's estate.

But I'm frightened, & I don't want to be alone. My mind wants to spin off into 'worst case scenario' & I'm struggling to keep it in check, because I don't know yet. I like to feel I can be prepared, feel I can retain some sense of control, if only I could know what to expect, & over what length of time, but I don't.

Now, I've written it here, told you, I suppose it's only fair I should phone my sis. Thanks Croix. I needed someone at the other end of my writing, this time for sure.

mmMekitty

Hi mmMekitty (and hi to Mr Croix)

Excuse me coming across your conversation but I was concerned. MmMekitty, are lunps breast lumps? I'm sorry I'm not clear...

I can imagine waiting - is it for surgery or further biopsy/removal of the lumps? - must be frightening.

I went through this once with a breast lump they thought was malignant and my mother had had breast cancer. Mine thankfully turned out to be benign, but I remember vividly how scared I was.

MmMekitty I just wanted to offer my support. You have Croix who is wonderful but I will keep checking on you too.

Have you found something to keep you occupied today? Have you heard any more about the surgery?

Sending you warmest wishes and thoughts. Comforting hugs dear lady!

👍🐕🍀💞💖

Hello Hanna & Croix,

I have only seen my GP, & the people who did the mammographies , ultrasounds and took the biopsies. They sent the results to my GP, who told me it is breast cancer, both, one smaller (like tiny), in my right breast, the other, on the left, is larger & is the one giving me pain.

Today, I have spoken to my PDr, & doing that, telling him about this, did help a lot, & confirmed for me that I need to tell my sis, sooner rather than later. He also said, that during his long break, I can message him, if I need, & he will let me know a time to call him. Just knowing this is hugely important to me. Indeed, just knowing I can call him means it is actually less likely I will!

& I have had a long talk with my sis, about this && several other things, too, mostly including the legal stuff, which is also such a big headache. My sis is going on with trying to sort that out.

I have not heard anything more yet, but I really wasn't expecting to, maybe not even tomorrow.

Hanna, you are more than welcome to drop in, anytime!

For now, I just wait, spending some time here on BB, though, hoping more people will post to my new thread. I hope I really can be here, on BB, having some fun with other people who might not be having such a great Xmas/New Year, as mine are usually not so, but now... I'm trying to NOT think about the RHINOSAURUS!

The most difficult thing about the Silly Season is finding something to distract oneself. I used to get into the tennis, but that's not so good for me, now. Maybe I'll listen to all my Terry Pratchett books, again, or my Stephen King? Or both? Lots of books & music to listen to, but I would really like something more physical to capture my interest. That's always been a problem, not getting into any physical activity, but I think it is something I need.

Thanks to you both, very much. It really does help so much to believe there is actually someone reading what I write.

Oh, I was trying to be circumspect about my gender. Ah, well, born female, but most times I think it is irrelevant. But not for this, eh?

mmMekitty

Hi mmMekitty

Thats a lot to deal with and going to worst case scenario is ever present in anyone’s brains but it’s important I’m told to not theorise and worry. You seem rather matter of fact so It makes me think you are succeeding at staying calm.
How do you feel now you have shared the news with your sis was it OK. It’s one less thing to do now for you and you can get back to focusing on treatment whatever that is for you.
Legal stuff hopefully can be managed by your sister.
Sending more good vibes to you for great sleep. 🐈🥰

Hi mmMekitty,

I'm sorry you're going through all this. Is the GP referring you to a surgeon?

It's a scary situation for you but had a friend who had cancerous lumps in the breasts removed and years later she is fine.

So yes, there's a need for you to find things to take your mind off all this and Xmas!

I'm glad your PDr is so supportive and I hope your sister will be able to support you too.

Fear not, we here at BB will be here to help you however we can!

Take it easy and try not to overthink.

Gentle hugs dear mmMekitty! Fluffy one's from little Sam.

💖🐕🐾🐾👍🙂🌼🌻🌳🌿🍃🌹💐🍀

Dear mmMeKitty~

I wrote you yesterday but the whole site went down, its a pity, I was trying to make you laugh, still no doubt I'll have other opportunities

I guess that it might be worth reminding you , although you already know this, that people want to help their loved-ones, it's built in. I would think your sister might be similar in some ways to you and I'm sure would want to know and help, so I think you have decided wisely.

Plus the more support you have the better. Support is a funny thing, done properly it helps both parties. It's a bit like love, the more you give the more you have left.

Frankly I don't think being circumspect about you gender worked very well anyway and as for the lumps, frightening but doable, and we'll be here to distract you, you are never alone.

I'm a male (not circumspect at all, but what walrus is:) and has a mastectomy way back when I was a teen, a nasty non-benign lump that had to go, but all gone, no ill effects. In fact one good one, I met my first serious GF, the nurse who was looking after me. I like to think we both had a wonderful time to look back on in later years.

Your doctor sounds a gem.

If you don't feel you can do justice to all the legalities by all means leave it to your sister for now. What turns around comes around and I'm sure there will be a future occasion when you can do some of the heavy lifting.

There will be people at Christmas time who will need help, it's loneliness of course, but also the fact many psychs and other needed medical personnel take time off, leaving people wihtout support. If they turn to us we can fill in the gaps a little.

Did you get your recalcitrant TV display up and running?

I'm not doubt telling you something else you already know but Vision Australia can sometimes help out with technical matters, if not directly then by pointing to resources. I don't know of your experiences but I've heard some good things in the past.

https://www.visionaustralia.org/information/adaptive-technology

Which new thread are you referring to?

As a special favor Sumo Cat has opened both eyes and sends his regards.

Croix

Hello everyone,

My Thread is: End of 2021, Holiday, Humbug,or what?

(may link or not link, now that's a question.

Thank you all, for your kindness & caring.

Without going into detail, my whole family is fractured. I had always regretted losing touch with my sister, & not being able to reconnect over the years, primarily because of her living with my father, who had very definitely crossed the line of no return with me.

I could not contact my sis without the chance he would pick up the phone. I could not risk going there either, because of my brother, after he asked me a question which raised all my red flags. I could not trust him.

My sis found me & contacted me when my father was dying. She knew nothing about my problem with even seeing him. I could not do it. She looked after him herself, for a long time, up to the end. I'm sad about that.

gain she had contacted me after our mother died. & now we have these legal problems because of how the will was written

Anyway, I forget most of what my GP said. So surgeon or someone else, I don't know. I feel like I'm not taking in a lot of info when people are talking to me, or when listening to tele or books. I wish I could record the conversations such as those at the GP, because I won't remember much or I won't have taken in all the info. Ha, seems I'm getting old! My brain scan has shown that.

After we left, I didn't even think to ask my helper to just go over what was said.
I too, had wanted to come here last night, not immediately when I got home, that was too hard at that moment.

I remember seeing a mention from Sophie_M about the maintenance, but hadn’t remember what day, time or hours. The message did not say when the site would be up again.

I wanted to write some of what I have written today, as I said, because writing TO someone does make a difference.

Then, I heard a neighbour, who could not sleep, & I felt like telling him I couldn't sleep either, thanks to him! Not exactly true, but if I had been, he would have woken me.

I finally quit & went to bed after 1:30am.

Such a generous gesture from Sumo Cat, he gets a cuddle!
Uncircumspect walruses beware the cranky kitty if she is on the prowl
Thank you, again, Mum Chris*, Hanna & Croix

*would you like to be ‘Chris’?

mmMekitty

Hi mmMekitty

I do know with permission you can record on your phone what the drs and nurses are telling you with their permission. I can tell you for sure that it’s very common for people to zone out during visits and not remember anything when a serious prognosis is involved.
Also Drs and the nurses forget what they say too. You may get told a variety of things that contradict so buckle up put on your helmet and let the storm pass.
You can also take a small notebook and write date time who’s talking to you and take notes. You can refer back during visits. It’s been my experience that they will argue with you if you question mixed messages. I thought I was going crazy but took hubby to each visit for a month and he had to stop coming because he was getting angry at the mixed messages and that when questioned they’d say no didn’t say that your confused. Once I realised they are overworked have too many patients I was ok with their babble. Lol. The majority of the information was same it was mostly timelines and treatment schedule they’d stuff up. The care and support was awesome and the drs and nurses really make you a priority.
I have the fractured family issue too it’s sad and disappointing and I envy big caring loving families. I tried to make my own and failed miserably just managed to create another generation of isolated people that were toxic for each other.
I have a sweet brother and a sweet daughter and a mildly annoying husband and a very close like my mum stepsister so I’m luckier than some but a close family member by marriage died and funeral was last week and interstate so I couldn’t attend and I was informed that the picture of me was removed from the family photos that were showing during the funeral. I cried for her loss and for not being able to be there to support my family but also because one person cut me out as if I didn’t exist.
Family alienation even if it’s your choice is really damaging and hurtful.
Sending a warm chocolate drink with cream and as soon as I find that magic wand a wish your way
🥰

Hello Mum Chris, & everyone,

No news yet.

Asking for my own needs is something I still have a lot of difficulty doing. I know this has a lot to do with my needs being dealt with as if they weren’t really important. It became scary to even ask for anything, even things not actually for me.

For example, I was given the responsibility of putting out the milk bottles, & money owed for fresh milk. I was too afraid to ask my parents for the money, & so I got into trouble when the milkman came around specifically to ask for it.

I had hoped that between my helper & I, we’d remember the important information.

When something serious comes along, I soon feel incompetent & incapable & the whole thing seems quite beyond me. I can feel my mind just wanting to shut down.

*

I had to do a lot of editing last night & today.

What you said about the funeral you could not attend – I’ so sorry for that. It is so painful when you want to be there, when you need to be there, I should say. Last night, some of what I removed in order to fit the character count, was about my friend from my teenage years.

My father told me in a letter dated on my birthday, some people had died, & she was one on his list, who had died, of cancer, he said, & that it was too late for me to go to the funeral, because he didn’t have my contact details (in fact he did). It was so insensitive, how he’d not recognised the friendship we’d had over those years, just telling me like it was a brief mention in a newspaper. This & how he’d responded to my disclosure about past events, was what made any further relationship with him impossible.

My friend was just 36 years old, when she died.

It would never have become an easy relationship, not with his mindset & expectations. I could not be his ‘little girl’ or his maid/servant whenever I visited, & he would never phone or visit me. We kids were all supposed to gather to him.

The past was the past, & whatever happened, happened, & he was not going to talk about it either.

I know my father & mother both came from fundamentalist Christian backgrounds, which they rejected, & their families in turn, rejected them, too.

More generations of unhealthy family relations. It really does seem very common. It’s so sad.

mmMekitty

Hi mmMekitty

Finding voice is very hard but you have such great awareness about it. I suppose it’s like learning a trumpet in the beginning not everything comes out right. I don’t know about you but when I rebelled and wouldn’t fall into the shadows my family cast me as the problem. My way of dealing with them was to get as far away as possible. I never blamed my mother but she had neglected me and not given me love or affection and stood by while I was criticised and bullied by family members.
Denying your stake and feelings in your friends death is very cruel and hurtful. That’s it it’s terrible and painful. Sorry very awful behaviour My father saw us as extensions of himself and our job was to make him proud. Heaven help you if you didn’t.
I relate to being afraid to ask for what you need and I had that too. Friends had texts colours and I was to afraid to ask my father for them. I used to rehearse it in my head then not speak out. My therapist talked a lot about having the air taken away and how some people are skilled at doing that so it’s impossible to speak. She said it’s a safety mechanism losing your voice keeping quiet you are being safe it’s your safety. So not a bad thing. You were a smart kitty and kitty kept herself safe. Better 1 blow up about money than many. I can see it being always the wrong time and an issue about you asking for money. They know milk bottles need money too to get refilled you were set up to fail.

Hi Mum Chris,

I didn't see my birth mother since I was 4yrs old, I don't recall her at all. My father married my (ex-)stepmother maybe a year or so after. maybe sooner, I'm not sure. He had his kids, she had hers, & we became bigger than the Brady Bunch. (but not the happy family they imagined we would, at least, appear to be).

My (ex-stepmother had not a single nice thing to say to me. Lots to criticise, to belittle, denigrate, but nothing to encourage or support or to build you up, very often disappointed, embarrassed, exasperated, & disgusted with us. & my father let her do this. He was the one to deliver physical punishment. He also did indeed set up situations where you could look stupid, or fail, or embarrass yourself, having exposed some weakness or simply to make you the butt of his little joke. He didn't offer, 'I love you', but wanted us to frequently agree with "you love me, don't you?", as if he is only seeking to reassure himself.

& one of my (ex-)stepsisters was the loud one amongst us,& she had to be pretty loud. She was one of the many kids who teased me from grade 8, she led a group, or gang, if you like.

I was the quiet one, in the corner, trying to keep my head down, trying to not be noticed. I observed rather than participate. (or that was a little dissociation on my part?)

Then there was my eldest brother. Reinforcing the idea that staying silent was a better option. Just get it over with & I zoned out.

At no time were we a cohesive family.

This is by no means the whole story. I can't even piece all the fragmented memories I have together into a basic timeline.

My voice was burried, shouted down by my (ex-)stepmother, overlooked by my father, silenced by my brother, & my friend & I had secrets we never spoke aloud. The truth was there, though, like the smell of alcohol on her father's breath. I could go & see her & 'pretend' he had done nothing to either of us or her sisters.

I don't know where kids find the ability to hide like I did, or to persevere & fight to protect like she had. To get through what we did, Mum Chris , you too, is really astonishing to me.

In my efforts to put together that timeline, I realised how much I'd gone through, thinking, how I might not have. It was so close.

I've found a voice in my head that I'd like to emulate when I speak. Not there yet, but my PDr doesn't mention that I'm speaking too quietly so much now. My best voice is in my writing.

mmMekitty

Hi mmMekitty

Theres always a predator nearby an unprotected child doesn’t matter where you are they live and breathe close by.
I was a bit scrappy and would fight back against my half sister and brother and that would mean my mother (also their mother) would tell my father and out would come the belt. Not one but so many strikes on a tiny bare bottom that I’d think I was going to pass out then no food. No one in our Brady bunch was allowed to speak to me I was in my bed and silent. Mum used to laugh when they said nasty things to me and she never said nice things to me. She told someone she didn’t want me to get a big head because people used to stop her in the street and say what a beautiful girl I was. When she remarried her husband joined in and they all called me fat uggly and stupid. I was none of those things but I feel fat uggly and stupid. I ran away from home and they called police and brought me back but not back home they wanted me in juvenile custody and the police said there’s nothing wrong with her she’s a good kid and forced them to take me home.
I suppose there’s no real way to fix the past and only a way to rise above it. I went downhill into drugs and totally destructive lifestyle and I really didn’t want to participate in life at all. Then I did get my life together and my stepsister who I’d never lived with and was older saved my life and her and her mum took me in and treated me like a fun family member. I was very lucky

Not everyone has a person like that. You said your sister reconnected with you and is helping how is that relationship going.

im going to stop looking for that magic wand so can’t offer a special wish but can offer understanding and admiration on how fantastic you are doing. The amount of sweet and sensitive support you have given me Back at you 10 fold. I’ll also share some of my loud voice to stand your ground and be heard.

Hi Mum Chris, & a huge thank you, for your support.

I know, no magic wand.

For a while, when I was little, I believed wishes could come true. It seemed to me, some little wishes did, like wishing it would snow overnight so we didn't have to go to school, seemed to happen a few times. It was Winter, after all, so I should not've been surprised..😸

Shortly before coming to Australia, there had been discussion about where in the world we might go. I wished we could go to a place where I would have to learn another language. My father & (ex-)stepmother decided upon Australia. When we arrived, I couldn't understand what people were saying, not even newsreaders, who used to speak better than average. It may as well been another language. So, I thought my wish had come half true.

My own sister & I have been focused onthe legal stuff concerning our mother's will, & despite her saying she would like to talk about & share memories of our childhoods, she has shared little. I wrote a few long emails, beginning with the small fragments of memories, some of wich are actually good, & wondering how to bring in the difficult stuff. I realise she has not got a clear idea of how bad things had been for me. & I don't know the full extent of her own experiences either.

There was a contradiction of ideas from my parents, whereby, on one hand we were supped to know where our sibs were & what they were doing, & on the other, what was being discussed, or happening between one or both parents & another sib was none of our business. Our family did not share troubles, even to support individuals having a tough time.

I saw that more when I into my teenage years, especially following my own crises. When I ran away it was, let's make a joke of it, but not really talk about it, & the other, well, I was explicitly forbidden to talk about that & if asked why I had been in hospital, to say 'I was sick', & nothing more.

I don't think they could imagine what that meant to me.

Big hugs to your step-sister & her mum, for taking you in. You're right, not many people would do that, & treat you well too. 😺

Someone put forth the idea that a child can survive if they have even one person in their young lives, who cares & supports them. These people save lives. I think now, I had my best friend & her mum, a couple teachers, & the social worker in the hospital, without whom, I feel I would have had nothing supporting me during those years.

Now, a break to take in some water!

mmMekitty 😸

Dear mmMeKitty or Little Red Cat (whichever you prefer)~

Ironic, you gave another a choice on what they wished to be called.

I'm posting here because it is your thread and you are having deep conversations with others in theirs.

I think your offer to keep on helping TheBro says an awful lot about you, the person you are. And I agree with you, you do not 'fight' cancer, or anything similar. It does as you say partly put the onus back on the person who is ill, but I think goes further to a basic inbuilt need to control one's destiny -obviously a fantasy very often .

I'm sure you will make all the rational choices, it's all you can do, though perhaps being kinder to some than they might deserve, so there is no real need for me to mention it, and yes I know you are frightened. If I could hold your hand/paw I would, as it is I can just mentally sit beside you.

There is one thing I found, grasp every opportunity you can right now.You are the same person wiht the same potential and do not need to have regrets for things you could have done.

You have some rare gifts

Croix

Hey Croix, you are welcome here anytime! Be hard to stop you - imagine my little red cat's claws getting anywhere with that walrus hide of yours! I don't think so. Maybe I get them upgraded? 😼

As usual, questions people have, have a way of getting me thinking. The Bro's question certainly had, too.

Talking there will help me to clarify my own thoughts about how I want to be treated, now I have a very good reason to consider The Bro's question from my own present view point, it is even more important for me now. The clearer I am in my own mind, the more likely I feel I can actually state what I want & don't want people doing around me.

My self-confidence is so low, I need lots of certainty about what I need to say, like when I talk to my helper about her behaviour. If I'm feeling in the least bit unsure that I don't have reasonable grounds for asking her to not casually touch me, then I will, as usual, try to convince myself I don't feel it, & it really doesn't matter, which means I & my feelings don't matter, & let it go unchallenged. I want to stop doing that.

Everyone has a right to ask that people not cross into their personal space. Truly, I don't even have to give her any other discussion onit than to remind her of that. I like her, so I want her to understand that this is in the realm of being very important to me, not just a bit,& teasing me about it is okay, because it is not. Her casual touches can trigger me & cause me to cringe & feel frightened, anticipating harm.

The fact I often don't see her hand approaching makes the sense of her touch more startling. That's true for blind people in general. So, if ever you are with a blind person, or even someone who has sight only in one eye, do try to remember to ask first to do what you have in mind, such as, 'can I take your hand & show you where the EFTPOS machine is? would be very nice.

Some people sign off using a different name to their username, then I would prefer to use the name they prefer.

I noted you had referred to mmMekitty as Little Red Cat, somewhere, after I noticed you calling me LRC. I scratched my little round head, & suddenly it dawned on me what you meant. It's okay, but the real Mekitty was not little for long! No, I don't imagine she could have been a 'sumo cat', like your great Sumo, but I was taken to task by the vet

Imagine, I might've called myself, 'Fluffy bum Pumpkinhead', & you, I, & everyone else would've had to use that name for as long as I am here!😼

mmMekitty

Dear mmMekitty (not FBP)~

I guess regrets are one of the more important things to avoid, so if you can bring yourself to have your helper stop touching you in a way that startles disconcerts or triggers you then you will have a source of satisfaction, self-worth and of course the benefit of not being touched unduly.

I find victories with oneself are special.

Frankly I doubt it would be too hard, given you circumstances, to stop this handling happening whilst at the same time ensuring your helper still feels valued (and possibly a friend)

'night

Croix

Hi mmMekitty

Good point about asking permission before touching if interacting with sight impaired. Really anyone that has experienced trauma can react to unexpected touch. I’d tell your helper a few times that it’s not ok because it’s human nature to make light of awkward conversations. I also think it’s important to be touched and to feel touch but only what feels comfortable.
Mums nursing home the carers take turns holding hands and gently stroking distressed residents with dementia.
Drs often deliver bad news while touching your foot while in hospital there’s physical reactions that happen from touch that helps you deal with stress.
But if you don’t want casual touch at all keep reminding your carer.
As for treatment for cancer once you are getting treatment it all happens like clockwork and very little for you to decide and make decisions on. I had a serious illness and had treatment and I was not courageous and I complained a lot and my outcome had nothing to do with me. The drugs and treatment and surgeons saved me. I was sick and weak and miserable and I had full recovery. It’s like being in a dinghy on a rough wave just hang on. I did focus on my diet while on treatment and ate fats and protein with the drugs to help them work better. I had yoghurt and probiotics and berries.
The unknown is very scary.
Good time for some smooth jazz ❤️