Hi Mr K, welcome
In 1996 I was in a similar situation. After 11 years of emotional abuse and me working 3 jobs so my wife could stay at home with the kids, I made a suicide attempt. At the last minute I remembered my dad telling me once- "better to be a part time dad than no dad at all" So I survived. My brother didnt, he went that way. So first lesson is self preservation for your children and best health services utilised.
One week later I left my wife after a smoke ring was blown in my face. I kissed my girls 7 and 3yo on their forehead as they slept and drove away. Tears streaming but when I got to the end of our street I burs tinto laughter- I survived her!
I rang my childrens principle daily for 6 weeks to see if our kids were coping "Tony, they are coping better than you, children are far more resilient and adapt to situations, as long as you are a dad to them they will be fine".
Yes, it wasn't easy. I had my 3yo say from the back seat "we want to keep you". I had my eldest say "come back home daddy". I wrote emotional poetry that would break the heart of the hardest person.
Initially I lived in a 10ft caravan in a caravan park. My girls would sleep on the lowered table. Then after 3 months I spotted a block of land and bought it. It had a lot of growth to clear so I'd spend my spare time doing that and I realised suddenly I was more tired and dwelling less- I had a direction, I had distraction. Then I bought a kit home and built the house myself. My kids came over on weekends and watched it going up.
By 12yo my eldest came to live with e and my new partner. At 28yo as I was about to walk her down the aisle she turned to me and said "thanks dad for making it here". She'd known of my attempt and my struggles to do my best for her.
My message is this- you are her only father and any replacement will be sub standard. Your pending separation is not your fault nor is it your wifes as she agrees you both are not compatible. That incompatibility is a good reason for you both one day to sit down and openly discuss the separation and how you can put your kids future as your priority. Some couples can communicate ok after the split, others no hope.
Google and just read the first post of each
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