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Topic: Accepting that separation from wife is a matter of when and not will, what are my first/next steps, I have two young children that I cherish.

  1. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2023 posts
    20 January 2020 in reply to Mr K

    Hey Mr K

    I am so happy to hear that the forum is helping you through this time in your marriage, it is a hard realization that it is coming to an end and that is always hard. I am so glad that you have had an open and honest conversation and that you can see the road ahead, as not knowing is very hard to manage. I will repost what I mentioned to you in one of my earlier posts and that is how me and my ex manage. We get along quite well now, infact better than when we were together, communication and honesty and respect are key. Here is what I wrote:

    I too work full time as does my ex, I moved out the next week with minimal things and as long as there were rooms set up for the kids that was my concern. We wrote up a calendar and we sat together and filled it in with kids activities and what nights the kids where staying where, who was collecting them..all the finer details of the kids. We soon moved to week on week off, we swap over on a Sunday night, we hand uniforms over and any clothes and then they are returned to the other person on the Sunday night. I do my grocery shop on the Sunday before they kids come and make sure I have a meal plan and lunches sorted so that I can manage work and don't feel stressed about what is for dinner etc. As we share 50/50 and earn roughly the same we dont have child support to pay as we sorted this out ourselves. If a child needs new shoes one will pay and the other transfers half. Essentially on your week you do as you please, within the good premise of parenting. It is nice to have chats about parenting to make sure your kids don't play one off against the other, we called this out straight away..if dad says no the answer is no...if we need to have a conversation with out the kids around to "disagree" we dont do that infront of them so as to present like a united front. This also helps the kids as they see you cooperating and working together. Sometimes you are the bad guy and sometimes you are not.
    The bills and things like that are mostly on line now and you can create accounts and pay them from your account.
    I think as long as you make time for the girls and let them feel sad and let them know it is ok to be sad, to watch and see if they need any extra support, also letting school know this is happening is helpful as they can help and watch too.
    One motto i live by "If you care about doing a good job, usually means you are"...it is when you don't care things can go wrong.

    Once again huge hugs to you

    Sarah

    1 person found this helpful
  2. white knight
    Community Champion
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    white knight avatar
    8254 posts
    20 January 2020 in reply to Mr K

    Hi Mr K

    I too am impressed you both chatted and have some sort of direction.

    Try and find a place nearby but also suss out if your wife will also resist moving house. If you think she'll stay where she is thats good. Then find a unit or house nearby.

    Child support is often an issue and it is a tough one I wont go into the ins and outs of it as it wont effect you but it can be a very unfair pressure. I'd consult a family law solicitor to draft up an agreement as to the co sharing agreement - that way it is in writing. You'll likely be asked if you want it to be rubber stamped by a magistrate to, something to think about.

    Budgetting is simple. draw a line down the middle of an empty page, income one side, expenses the other, make sure your expenses do not exceed your income. Nowadays people often have three accounts in a bank. One account for savings like for your kids or a car often only accessible by online. one for income that salary can go into and one for spending and bills. Ask your bank manager to set this up and you can do your banking anytime even at night on your mobile phone or computer.

    In time your wife and yourself might end up friends- I wouldnt expect that. I'd aim for a chat together each time at handover- no longer than 15 minutes!! Your children will run around you both with smile and laughter seeing mum and dad talking nicely to each other. But too long and it gets uncomfortable for one of you. Cut it short and thank her for the chat.

    Moving into a new place will be more difficult, but time will make it home. Remember Mr K, distraction is the key, fill your life with activities.

    You are doing well.

    TonyWK

    1 person found this helpful
  3. florean_fortescue
    florean_fortescue avatar
    11 posts
    21 January 2020
    Hi Mr K.

    I stumbled across these forums yesterday and saw your post and felt it had some strong parallels to my own situation so I had a read. Thank you for your openness and candour, it is helping me to process knowing others are struggling the same (as grim as that may sound).

    I know the next few months are going to be hard for you, but it seems there is some really great support here.

    I look forward to hearing the positive moves you make in the future and some stories of the he fun times you have with your daughters.
  4. Mr K
    Mr K avatar
    35 posts
    21 January 2020 in reply to florean_fortescue
    Thank you florean_fortescue, at this stage the only major concerns I have left are 1, telling my daughters and 2, the loss of contact that will follow. I've read so much about how others come to have great relationships with their kids in spite of the separation but for me I'm not looking for a break from them, my little ones fulfill me entirely and I love being with them and being there for them. That is probably the one element that is going to hurt the most. I'll learn how to deal with the other stuff but I'll never fully adjust to not being with them everyday. Certainly I hope to have an evening out with friends and start having a normal social life again after these years but my life revolves so much around the girls I'm struggling even now to process how different and hard it's going to be to not see them as much as I wish.
  5. florean_fortescue
    florean_fortescue avatar
    11 posts
    21 January 2020 in reply to Mr K
    I know exactly what you mean Mr K. I'm still hopefully that once my wife and I start going to counseling that we might be able to right out relationship, but if we can't I think the things that fill me with most dread are
    1. not being able to see him every day and
    2. Not being able to explain why I'm not around anymore (he's 20 months so would be old enough to know me or my wife aren't there for a week at a time but too young to have it explained to him). The thought that he will be thinking that he's getting abandoned for a week at a time by one of his parents breaks my heart.
  6. Mr K
    Mr K avatar
    35 posts
    21 January 2020 in reply to florean_fortescue
    Hi florean_fortescue, all the best with the counselling, I wish I'd taken that opportunity when I should have. It really is the most dreadful process and unfortunately we just have to go through all these stages. If I was truly honest I'd say that only a small part of me is sorry that my relationship is ended with my wife. She wasn't making me happy and I wasn't making her happy. My kids do make me happy and in truth that's all I'm worried about now. There were certain practical advantages that came with having a partner that I will loose and I'll need to come to terms with that and find solutions for what at the moment feel like impossible things to fix. I really do hope you can work it out but if not keep talking here at least and you will find some help accepting the changes.
  7. white knight
    Community Champion
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    white knight avatar
    8254 posts
    21 January 2020 in reply to Mr K

    Hi MrK,

    Fully understandable looking at a future of less contact with your children is tough.

    Consider this- Fly in fly out workers spend 14 days on the job and 7 days off. 14 without seeing their kids.

    I worked shift work, 4x 12 hour days 2x midnight to noon and 2x noon to midnight then 4 days off, often working overtime. Hardly saw my kids.

    Truckies dont see their kids for weeks. Got a cousin in Queensland. On his way from WA to Victoria was looking forward to a trip up to home. but the only load he could secure was Perth again then Darwin then Adelaide, didnt see his kids for 3 weeks. Even then first two days he was asleep.

    I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you dont know Mr K. But sometimes we need reminders of how kids and parents have sacrifices in life- because- that's life.

    The other thing I thought of was - if you are getting on well with your ex, you can offer the other parent a skype meeting with the kids say on a Wednesday night. A friendly relationship also can evolve into something better. If your ex finds a social life or a partner and they want to go out when she has the kids, you will be the first choice especially if you life nearby. Also you'll be invited to their birthday party or visa versa. It's a win win. But in my case, try as I did for many years it wasnt possible- all depends on the person.

    I'm glad you are moving forward though, even though it isnt easy.

    TonyWK

    1 person found this helpful
  8. Mr K
    Mr K avatar
    35 posts
    27 January 2020
    What have you done with regards to birthdays, public holidays and Christmas when it comes to the kids? Were there any things that you hadn’t thought about that surprised you later or challenged you that you wish you knew sooner?
  9. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2023 posts
    27 January 2020 in reply to Mr K

    Good morning Mr K

    This is a really great question and also shows me that you are really doing and thinking about everything you can to make this "separation" as smooth as it possibly can be and that you do have these girls best interest at heart and that is so wonderful.

    The key to it all is communication...talk .....sometimes you get what you want on that day and sometimes you dont..I never get my kids on Christmas eve as it means so very much to my ex to wake up with the kids, so I let him have that one...one year I even went around and was with them when they woke up. Then they come to me as my main celebration for Christmas is lunch, then they go back at about 6 to him as his main celebration is dinner. So it works that way for us. Birthday's we always have the kids on our birthday, even if it is not our week, we can do a dinner etc..for the kids birthday sometimes is means having your own celebration on another day or doing something special at another time. Just because the event falls on that day also doesn't mean you can start your own traditions and own celebrations and maybe Boxing Day becomes your day to celebrate.

    The key really is communication and also sometimes taking a hit and being flexible...sometimes u win and sometimes u miss out.....

    I hope this is helpful for you.

    huge hugs to you ....

    Sarah xx

  10. white knight
    Community Champion
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    white knight avatar
    8254 posts
    27 January 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi MrK,

    Sarah has some very good ideas.

    My ex always liked our kids on xmas eve so she could watch the carols on TV. Also as I was a shift worker I could get good pay working xmas eve and/or xmas day so often I'd roster on for those times then pick up my kids on xmas evening. I'd spend boxing day with them and have family xmas day on the 27th. Reason is that then every family member was free from any family obligations. We would all be together.

    Also as I had to travel far to collect my children and travel for work, I always has xmas at my place. This I insisted on as parents, family werent driving very far yearly.

    Birthdays- I simply sent them a card and their gift in the mail. I have never placed a lot of emphasis on having to see them.

    When ever I passed their school for work reasons I used to always buy a apple cake at the bakery and write their names on the paper bag and leave it at the school reception. These little things is enough to warm their hearts.

    In my case my ex was an emotional abuser. My youngest turned out the same. Emotional games were constant. My oldest was like me, sensitive and vulnerable. When she reached 12yo she had her shoes stolen when at sports. Her mother forced her to wear gumboots to school. The school rang me after failing to convince my ex that it was hurtful. So I met my daughter after school and presented her with new shoes. That was the catalyst for her wanting to live with me. When she rang me one week later (in late November) wanting to live with me and my partner I told her that it was close to school holidays and I'd wait until the end of January for her to make sure she really wanted that and if she did I wouldnt want her to return to her mothers, that back and forth routine some kids do. I needed and wanted stability. She later told me it was the longest 8 weeks of her life and she had also tolerated some ganging up of her from her sister and mother, indeed emotional cruelty.

    So she never went back. When she reached 18yo she stopped all contact with her mother. That was 12 years ago regardless of my suggestion she tries. Her mother has not tried either though.

    So yes, there might be surprises in the future but all situations are different. The important thing is being a good part time dad and you already are.

    TonyWK

  11. Mr K
    Mr K avatar
    35 posts
    27 January 2020
    What about phone calls or FaceTime skype that sort of thing when tyou he kids are at the other parents home? I know you’re going to tell me it’s up to the adult but I’d like to know if you think it would be good or harmful for the children. I’m only thinking a quick goodnight I love you type of thing?
  12. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
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    Aaronsis avatar
    2023 posts
    28 January 2020 in reply to Mr K

    Hi Mr K

    I can't speak for everyone and only what has worked for us, I think it is perfectly reasonable to call to say good night, whether it be a skype or facetime I think that is fine. I dont think though calling all the time is particularly helpful to both you or the children, they do need to learn to enjoy the time with the parent who is currently caring for them. It does take some time to settle in and they will get used to the new routine quite quickly, it is sometimes us as parents that it takes a little longer to adjust.

    Once again it is all about communication and respecting the other person's time as they have the children and also responding to what is working well and listening to what can be improved. It is a bit of a "suck it and see" process for awhile.

    Hope that this is helpful Mr K

    Hugs

    Sarah

  13. Mary 2
    Mary 2 avatar
    12 posts
    29 January 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hey Mr K,

    Similar, but different. 18y together, 15y marriage, x1 stepson and x4 daughters. Many actions n comments in last couple years, the realisation, he wasn’t committed to me or his family.

    Outside world we perfect happy family. You say here and what I now see in hindsight 3years post separation. It’s way the other partner/ parent present themselves and choices they make.

    After rejection on any level to reconcile, he refused to go counselling etc.

    I didn’t blindside. I was upfront, I was moving out. He even came to check rental we moved into, I did value his opinion.

    I moved myself x4 girls who were kinder & primary school age, X1 Mum (I am her caretaker), also 2dogs + 1cat!!

    How I did it then I don’t know.
    Rented near school, so they could walk on shifts I couldn’t take/pick.We stayed in same suburb for 9months, to keep school, friends and activities all the same.

    Had mediation decide who gets what for major financial and family issues.

    Those 9months, between grief, tears and sleeplessness, I set up for my daughters. Kept their day to day routine same just a different house. Exhausting, but necessary. I sorted my own financial situation, something we prev. in partnership, my own home loan and my will update. Found our home, a perfect fit. 2 girls now secondary and 2 primary, both fantastic schools. They walk or ride about 10mins if we are working.

    Only a few issues understandably, as oldest was in yr 6 and youngest in prep changed schools mid year. Otherwise adjusted and still thriving.
    I stressed, cried and lost sleep over?? My girls were amazing++

    3years on it feels so different to be here. I surprised everyone and especially myself. I believe it came down to my focus on my daughters and putting myself in their shoes.

    Throughout separation and still, I journal all my grief, anguish, guilt, anger etc. A way to release and sometimes reflect, or even forget. greatly improved my sleep and outlook.

    My husband I still consider my best friend and lives 20min. Believe me their is still times of resentment and disagreements.The girls are full time with me, but he can have access anytime.

    Sorry very long winded.
    But this I know, you are doing great. You are your daughters Dad, that’s something that will never be forever. Take each day as it comes, even down to one step at time if required. Continue to seek and use supports you can. Ask for help it it’s out there.

    Take care of their Dad and continue being all you are for them.
    All bestMary

    1 person found this helpful
  14. Mr K
    Mr K avatar
    35 posts
    29 January 2020 in reply to Mary 2
    Thanks Mary, honestly you have no idea how much I wish I could channel your resilience. As a full time worker I already feel like I don't get to see my little ones enough, that time between getting home from work and their bedtime seems to disappear as it is. I don't think people see the other side of the coin sometimes, my wife for example said she doesn't enjoy motherhood and other friends point out how good a night out without the kids is. I guess I'm a little same and different, sure I like an evening out, I even had one recently but, the first thing i want to do when i get home is go into their rooms and see them safe in their beds. I don't understand the money aspect of a separation either as money matters were always my wifes area, now i understand that even with a 50 50 care arrangement im probably going to have to pay money to my wife, even though she is capable of earning more than me. I wish I could work part time have someone supplement my income and spend all that extra time with my kids. I sound bitter again I don't mean to. My girls are not old enough to walk on their own so before and after school care may be my only option, such a very long day for my 8 yr old and I've no idea what to do with my 4 yr old, she has family day care mon & Tues and kindy starts soon and they are open at times that make it virtually impossible for me i.e. late open and early close. Their having to adjust will be hard on them and I expect they will hate me because of the tiredness and broken routine.
  15. Mary 2
    Mary 2 avatar
    12 posts
    29 January 2020 in reply to Mr K

    Reading your heartache, and pain.

    Yes resilience!! I do shiftwork 4 days over 7 day week. Luckily I haven’t had night duty for couple years. Mum was help initially with babysitting.

    I now care for mum with some in home support, so I can work. But her dementia has worsened, looking into permanent care placement. More than exhausted due stretching my time and resources!

    My eldest is 15 and youngest turns 8 in 2days.

    Primary 2 do after school care x2 days. The 15 and 13 yo walk to + from school together. If ex or myself not available. It is getting easier as they get older.

    As far as settlement ensure you get what you are entitled to. I now regret just mediation with a trusted mutual friend of ours. At that time I agreed to 50-50 split of assets.

    Their Dad has them maybe 1 night per month as sleepover, and occasional full day. No set care arrangement.

    I never received any child support, for 2.5years, he is only last 6months depositing reg private payment. I have only just registered with CSA. Discovery!! I / girls really lost out financially.

    What hurts more is that my girls are missing out on their Dad. I can see he is just waiting until they old enough to care for themselves, to have them more. But my heart aches for them. I no longer try encouraging him.

    Be clear on 50:50 care if you can, have another school parent pick up and sit them for an hour or so. You’ll be surprised who is willing to help.

    Let CSA determine who pays who support. I believe once youngest is 8 she’s expected to return to work. They will consider what is deemed her earning capacity.

    These are the important things to get onto, once living apart. Then theres your will.

    Try partime, or work from home? Centrelink will advise on what benefits you are able to claim to supplement. It would give you more time while they are younger.

    Sorry if bombarding, but trying to share my hindsight.

    Make to do lists and take one thing at time. Keep up your rituals and routines with girls,

    IMPORTANT those are still at top of list.

    As other things get settled, a rhythm will come. I cannot say routine!!

    Centrelink is a minecraft field, LOl but CSA were very helpful.

    Keep in contact on these forums, usually get better advice on many things.

    As my great grandmother use to say daunting but do-able... and this to shall pass.

    XO Mary

    1 person found this helpful
  16. Mary 2
    Mary 2 avatar
    12 posts
    29 January 2020 in reply to Mary 2

    See the webpage "What to do when you become a single mum" on the Beanstalk Mums website.

    It's for new single mums, works for both parents. Just insert Dad when reading. Hope it helps

    1 person found this helpful
  17. Mary 2
    Mary 2 avatar
    12 posts
    1 February 2020 in reply to Mary 2

    Hi K,

    wondering how things were going with you and your girls? Have you got a plan sorted yet

    Mary2

  18. Mr K
    Mr K avatar
    35 posts
    2 February 2020 in reply to Mary 2
    Hi Mary, its my eldest daughters 9th birthday near the end of this month. I’ve convinced my ex that we should let her enjoy that day at least before we sit down and tell the kids. We will try and explain that we are separating and that first we will have seperate bedrooms until one or the other, most likely me finds a new home. We will tell the girls that some of the week they will live with me and some with their mum. If we can stay amicable the plan is to buy a second, investment property and both will pay half of each mortgage. The only area I’m really stuck on is the before and after school care issue especially for my youngest who is still in family day care and kindy. Up until now “we” had been having some help from my ex’s Aunty but I don’t know if that will continue. Other than that i can see solutions or at least where i may have to make further compromises to get by but the shortage of time is a serious concern. It will mean very long days for my little girls so I hope they wont come to dread the weeks they have to spend with me? As for other stuff like setting up a second home, buying beds and other necessities it will be interesting to see how much of a divide the up until now “our” money gets. I cringe a little at the moment when my ex buys expensive stuff but reconcile myself that the girls will see some benefit from it at least. Thanks so much for the check in Mary, I was having a bit of a low moment today and the message from you has really helped. Keith.
    1 person found this helpful
  19. white knight
    Community Champion
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    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    8254 posts
    2 February 2020 in reply to Mr K

    Hi Mr K

    Good to see you are progressing. What I did with the new home I build (with my own hands) was take my daughters to Spotlight and they chose the doona covers and curtains for their room. I already knew what they would choose but as they chose it that made them important. So we returned home with the fairy doonas and curtains that overlooked their fairy garden, made of concrete figures that they had painted.

    Them days I bought new Lion King videos so they were never bored. I purchased a large pine frame and they helped me paint chalkboard paint on it for their own blackboard.

    Some board games are good, you might want to keep some things like that at your home only so they look forward to coming over.

    My only reservation is the "investment" property. I cant say I like that idea. Any future partner of yours or hers might not like it either. But it is your decision.

    TonyWK

  20. Mr K
    Mr K avatar
    35 posts
    2 February 2020 in reply to white knight
    Hi Tony, the idea behind the investment property is that neither of us have to rent. Certainly in time we may need to look at how we either sell up or buy one or another out but for now all that matters is putting a safe roof over my kids heads. We wont be financially independent for some years whether for better or worse now because of child support etc. at least with the investment properties we wont loose money in rent or end up being unable to get a mortgage in the future. I’m trying to get something close by so that the kids routine is as unaffected as possible and drop off pick up can be easy.
  21. Mary 2
    Mary 2 avatar
    12 posts
    3 February 2020 in reply to Mr K

    Hi Keith,

    Your planning and forethought, taking all inconsideration for your girls sounds amazing. Well done for getting this part sorted.
    Involve them as much as you can on setting up their new home. Funnily it’s the little things that impress them the most. (As WK has written so beautifully). It’s also the memories of this time they will come to cherish too. We rented for a time but our spare money was spent on flower and veggie patches.

    I have to agree with WK re investment property. Try and have some amicable financial talks with your ex. You cannot sustain all whilst transitioning. Maybe rent for a while and she forgoes any CS, if you continue to pay mortgage. Or vice versa.

    This gives time for girls to settle into new environment and care arrangement. It gives time and opportunity for you and your ex, to sort the financial separation issues and discuss what future plans for all will involve.
    It’s just buying and selling you both loose so much in transfers, taxes etc.

    After 3acres and 58sq, I’ll admit 9months of renting a 24sq home wasn’t easy space or finance wise. But day to day with us was kept same. Just Dad didn’t live with us anymore. I paid rent, he covered the mortgage, as he was living there, and no CS until we sold up.

    It meant I had time to get over all the emotional stuff, organise the financial separation, and have opportunity to find where we were going to make home. I was able to check into schools and activities that I wanted for the girls. As well as being comfortable, that as they grow up, it helps they can walk or ride to school.

    It allowed time for kindy to finish too.

    Sounds like you’re progressing well and admire your strength and support for your children.

    Hoping some of my experience will help. Keep us posted

    Mary

  22. Theborderline
    Theborderline avatar
    269 posts
    3 February 2020 in reply to Mary 2
    Been reading the posts and it's always difficult seperating with children.

    Im a father to two girls with my ex and have been through the medication, court process and settlements and id like to respectfully disagree with some replies.


    1. There is no deal to be made with your wife regarding you paying mortgages in lieu of child support or you supporting her financially during the seperation
    (She wants the marriage to end then she can deal with her own finances)

    2. Decide what you want to do with the properties (sell, buy her out). Under no circumstances should youl keep them so that your wife can profit from them moving forward. If she wants rental income etc let her buy you out

    3. You are the children's father and have the same rights as she has. Don't let her dictate to you when and how often youll be seeing the children

    4. Start mediation now for the children with Relationships Australia, set out a goal of what you want....50/50 custody, weekends...whatever it is you want and try and reach a decision amiciably without involving the courts.

    I hope i dont sound rude as I find many people do not navigate seperation and children well at the start and end up alienating themselves with no options.

    Child support is child support, you reach a decision on shared time with the children and child support will calculate the payments. Theres no extra money to be given on top of that....thats on her to worry about. If she cant pay mortgage, rent, cars etc then thats her problem and she'll need to change her lifestyle as thats not on you

    Sorry for what your going through
    1 person found this helpful
  23. Mr K
    Mr K avatar
    35 posts
    10 February 2020

    In a couple of weeks, after my eldest daughters birthday we will be telling my kids that their mother and I are separating. I've had to practically beg her to let my little girl have one more relatively normal birthday. Anyway thanks to you all for your help getting me through to this stage, I've accepted the situation for what it is and now I need advice on managing the next steps in the process.

    I've got a rough idea of how much child support I will have to pay which seems reasonable. I acknowledge that I will be responsible for half the mortgage on our current home and probably half the rates as well. Has anyone else been in this situation before and can offer advice?

    Some of the options I have looking for a new home include:

    buying an investment property with my wife and us paying half of each mortgage & Rates

    Mother in law buying as above and repaying her instead of banks

    Mother in law buying and renting from her

    My mother in law wont let the separation affect my relationship with her to the best of my knowledge and she is certainly financially stable enough to afford the purchase of a reasonable property.

    I'm keen to avoid the grand fire sale / splitting assets as it will further destabilize my kids and I'm the one who wants a smaller place to look after as my time will be very much at a premium in the near future.

    So far I've managed to keep things as civilized as possible but I'd like some thoughts please?

    Keith..

  24. Theborderline
    Theborderline avatar
    269 posts
    10 February 2020 in reply to Mr K
    Can you explain a little more as too why you think you need to pay half your soon to be ex wives mortgage plus child support?
  25. Mr K
    Mr K avatar
    35 posts
    10 February 2020 in reply to Theborderline
    The mortgage / loan / debt is in both our names. Just because I wont be living there doesn't end my responsibility to repay the loan. Besides for at least half the time it will be my childrens home. Have you heard or experienced something to the contrary?
  26. Theborderline
    Theborderline avatar
    269 posts
    10 February 2020 in reply to Mr K
    Yeah like every couple that seperates.

    She either buys you out and has you removed from the mortgage or you sell it and split the balance.

    Is she going to pay half your rent? Dont think so

    Child support calculate what you owe based on shared
    time and thats what you pay.
    Theres no additional payments, put your money to your own house and expenses.
    Let her pay her own way your under no obligation to support her lifestyle and pay half a mortgage for a house you dont live at.

    You really should get solicitors advice because the first thing they'll tell you is too stop paying

    Sorry if my responses come accross blunt but it appears your quite submissive to your wifes wants when shes not entitled too them.

    I sincerely hope that you get yourself some representation as it appears you could do with some guidance in this matter.

    Take care of yourself
    1 person found this helpful

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