Hey Mr K,
Similar, but different. 18y together, 15y marriage, x1 stepson and x4 daughters. Many actions n comments in last couple years, the realisation, he wasn’t committed to me or his family.
Outside world we perfect happy family. You say here and what I now see in hindsight 3years post separation. It’s way the other partner/ parent present themselves and choices they make.
After rejection on any level to reconcile, he refused to go counselling etc.
I didn’t blindside. I was upfront, I was moving out. He even came to check rental we moved into, I did value his opinion.
I moved myself x4 girls who were kinder & primary school age, X1 Mum (I am her caretaker), also 2dogs + 1cat!!
How I did it then I don’t know.
Rented near school, so they could walk on shifts I couldn’t take/pick.We stayed in same suburb for 9months, to keep school, friends and activities all the same.
Had mediation decide who gets what for major financial and family issues.
Those 9months, between grief, tears and sleeplessness, I set up for my daughters. Kept their day to day routine same just a different house. Exhausting, but necessary. I sorted my own financial situation, something we prev. in partnership, my own home loan and my will update. Found our home, a perfect fit. 2 girls now secondary and 2 primary, both fantastic schools. They walk or ride about 10mins if we are working.
Only a few issues understandably, as oldest was in yr 6 and youngest in prep changed schools mid year. Otherwise adjusted and still thriving.
I stressed, cried and lost sleep over?? My girls were amazing++
3years on it feels so different to be here. I surprised everyone and especially myself. I believe it came down to my focus on my daughters and putting myself in their shoes.
Throughout separation and still, I journal all my grief, anguish, guilt, anger etc. A way to release and sometimes reflect, or even forget. greatly improved my sleep and outlook.
My husband I still consider my best friend and lives 20min. Believe me their is still times of resentment and disagreements.The girls are full time with me, but he can have access anytime.
Sorry very long winded.
But this I know, you are doing great. You are your daughters Dad, that’s something that will never be forever. Take each day as it comes, even down to one step at time if required. Continue to seek and use supports you can. Ask for help it it’s out there.
Take care of their Dad and continue being all you are for them.