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Topic: Another day, another unfair lecture

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. SeasonsoftheYear
    SeasonsoftheYear avatar
    3 posts
    12 January 2020

    Some context before I start, last year I came out as gay to my parents with the assumption that they wouldn't be okay with it; still pretty sure they're not. Also, I'm unemployed and currently searching for a job, but I know what type of job I want as a career.

    Got a lecture yesterday about where I am in life, in my twenties and unemployed etc and this came off the back of failing a big test to progress into a stage for the job I want. Yes you might be thinking, twenty something and unemployed? I have tried everything to no avail in finding work, finding a job is the most difficult thing I've ever undertaken and this is even with retail experience. I tried addressing selection criteria, updating and changing my resume and now I'm overhauling my cover letter to make it less about myself, more as to why I've applied to a company and how my skills match those in the job description. I've been getting help from some friends here, which is great. Again, I am trying to find work, but it is so difficult and I don't want to go another 12 months without employment. But I think that mum thinks I'm not trying.

    She said that she was disappointed in me because that I failed the big test mentioned above and that there was something that I said last year that they're still not sure about (she's almost crying at this point). I could only wonder what it was that I said that was so bad to her last year and it came to me, I came out of the closet. To me, this confirms that my parents are not okay with my sexual orientation. To her, this gives her a free pass to say whatever she wants to me in any tone because, and she even framed the lecture around 'tough love', even though she does this liberally. I loathe the fact that she thinks she can use my orientation to threaten me with lectures, it's extremely unfair, and this is the second time it's happened, but I wouldn't dare say anything in return because the conflict would only get worse. I can't call her out on anything, I just sit there and take it. Pretty sure in this day and age, it's perfectly fine to be gay and I once thought that it was fine for people to take their time to process it, but since it's been turned against me twice now, I'm starting to get sick of having to wait for my parents and others frankly to accept my orientation. Would it have been better to rock up with a boyfriend and have my parents find out then?

    I know what I want in life and it's gonna be tough getting there, I just need to work hard at it.

  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    2075 posts
    12 January 2020 in reply to SeasonsoftheYear

    Hi seasons,

    I do think your mother is unfair and I get angry with such responses and attitude, but we have to accept that it wont change. I certainly wouldnt be remaining in that house one second longer than I have to.

    I dont suppose I can suggest the Armed Forces? It gave me a start 42 years ago, good salary, friends, acceptance of all sexual orientations, cheap meals and rooms and a career maybe in the line of work you know.

    I would ditch finding work that you want to do and get any job even flipping burger, just to get out of there.

    About attitudes- once out of home you can visit a little and not often so you maintain a relationship with her. Then you can declare you will not tolerate her criticism of you and your lifestyle, that her attitude is deplorable and you wont stand for it.

    Keep it firm and brief. She will then dictate the future of your relationship with her.

    Google- Beyondblue topic you are still a jigsaw piece

    TonyWK

  3. SeasonsoftheYear
    SeasonsoftheYear avatar
    3 posts
    13 January 2020 in reply to white knight

    Hi

    I know what career I want (that's what I should've said) and I have been applying for lots of different roles, but I either get rejected, don't hear back or I get an interview and don't make it past that stage. It's even more frustrating when you can't get feedback and so I don't know what to work on. But flipping burgers, that's something I never considered and will have to look into, I used to love cooking, but I got bullied in classes and I started getting stressed about the quality of the food; did I cook it enough? Or, what do I do now?

  4. Lady Nova
    Lady Nova avatar
    15 posts
    13 January 2020 in reply to SeasonsoftheYear
    You are perfect just the way you are!
    My eldest is 25 and is in his 4th attempt at completing a Cert 4 in Mental Health. He struggles with rapid cycling bi-polar and the TAFE system is incredibly rigid, even when they say "study at your own pace". He has worked incredibly hard at his study and work placements, but some weeks it is SO hard for him to even get out of bed. I watch him struggle and I hate it. His sexual orientation is his own and I never felt that I should have an opinion or preference, he will love who and when he is attracted, only those IN the relationship matter. One day he will bring home a deserving person and I will welcome them.
    I wish you could have at least that much support. It baffles me the parents find a position of righteous poor behavior towards their children, for any reason.

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