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Topic: BB Single Parents Group

  1. kanga_brumby
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    kanga_brumby avatar
    251 posts
    13 July 2017

    Wanting to get better my children are 15 and 18 one is looking after herself the other is being looked after. I was looking after both until recently when my health went bad. So I still relate to putting the children before myself. Saying the right things to them being there when they needed me. Even now they get preference over me going to a doctor or not. If I have any cash left over ( rarely) it goes on them. There welfare is ahead of mine, sound familiar.

    Peter

  2. Wanting to get better
    Wanting to get better avatar
    8 posts
    13 July 2017 in reply to kanga_brumby

    Sure does peter

    tell me about your health and what state do you live

    😀Therese

  3. kanga_brumby
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    kanga_brumby avatar
    251 posts
    13 July 2017 in reply to Wanting to get better

    Well the short version arthritis both knees, diabetic type 2, blind in right eye, depression, Sleep Apnoea, Asama. That about covers the illnesses I live in Melbourne, but have been in five states. Either living, working or on holidays. I was in the scouts for years, also was a member of the State Emergency Service.

    Peter

  4. Wanting to get better
    Wanting to get better avatar
    8 posts
    15 July 2017 in reply to kanga_brumby

    Oh my goodness peter

    i have no reason to complain. With the illness you have to deal with. I hope you have support close by

  5. Wanting to get better
    Wanting to get better avatar
    8 posts
    15 July 2017 in reply to CMF

    Good morning cmf

    do you still have your own home

    did your husband leave you with anything

  6. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    306 posts
    15 July 2017 in reply to Wanting to get better
    Hi yes with a mortgage. Sorry thinking about it gives me great anxiety.
    2 people found this helpful
  7. Wanting to get better
    Wanting to get better avatar
    8 posts
    15 July 2017 in reply to CMF

    Oh sweetie. Why is that

    are you working

    what state are you

  8. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    2075 posts
    7 December 2017 in reply to Wanting to get better
    To: "dads in distress" 2012

    TWO PROMISES

    I walk around my backyard in the middle of the night
    Look up to choose a star the brightest of the bright
    Then name that star after my daughter youngest of my two
    The one that refuses to contact me, poisoned by you know who?

    Yes my first wife bled me dry of all tolerance of my mind
    I worked 3 jobs so she could stay at home, mother of a kind
    Then as my eyes dropped waterfalls as I slowly closed that door
    Forced I was, to leave my babies 7 the other 4

    A garage for my home as I toiled to make a life
    Battled 2 days in a fortnight against stories from my wife
    To set the record straight as they grew and cradled me blue
    Little girls hollowing saddest words “we want to keep you”.

    And the fairy garden got some use as they waved their magic wands
    Wings were flapping madly as they ran around the ponds
    Finished my own home built with my hands so grouse
    Letter in the mail “I deserve more money as he has a brand new house”

    So I understand my friend if you read these poems of mine
    Been there done that, like you I am human kind
    Never let her get to you don’t let her win that game
    Never tell your kids- “only your mother is to blame”

    Hold your head up high and never let it fall
    Focus on your kids and always be at their call
    For they will recall how you never gave up on them
    And karma comes to those that think they deserve better men

    I walk around my backyard in the middle of the night
    Look up to choose a star the brightest of the bright
    Then name that star after my daughter youngest of my two
    The one that was poisoned going on for twenty two…

    Fathers grieve and love their kids no matter what is said
    Make two promises to yourself inside your grieving head
    Never hurt yourself nor any other human being
    The other is to be the very best dad the world has ever seen….

    1 person found this helpful
  9. Guest_161
    Guest_161 avatar
    16 posts
    7 January 2018

    Hi everyone

    I just came across the single parent thread and thought ild join in on the ups and downs of the single parent roll.

    Someone mentioned depression whilst being a single parent is hard, it most certainly is !!

    im 30 with a 5 year old boy, iv been a single parent from day 1, iv only ever had my parents for help but 3 out of the 5 years my brother was fighting cancer so many of the times there was no one to watch my son, this made it hard for me to also visit my brother and then he passed away last year which iv dealt with it pretty bad and am still not dealing with it very good, chuck in behaviour issues from my 5 year old i can say im truly hating life.

    I cant simply go to the shop for a loaf of bread most times with out him running riot , like today i was paying for some flowers at the check out hes standing next to me picking his finger nails into tomatoes , i didnt notice until i heard someone ask him stop i then told him to stop also which only makes it worse these days it gives him the feeling to keep doing it for the fact i told him off grrrr.

    I swear he loves my mum more then me , hes not so bad behaved with her.

    Is anyone elses child better when they are with someone else ?

  10. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    306 posts
    7 January 2018 in reply to Guest_161

    Hi Guest 161 and welcome,

    I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your brother and the struggle you've had.

    I think most children behave better with others and I think it is a security thing. Your son feel safe and secure with you so he behaves how he wants because he knows you will always be there for him. I have 2 teenagers and a 4 year old. My teenagers argue with me, typical behaviour, but they are very polite with other people. I accept this as normal parent/child relationship. If they spoke to others the way they speak to me at times I would be mortified lol. I'm not saying it's acceptable to speak rudely to me but they know I will be here no matter what.

    I hope this makes sense.

    cmf

  11. kanga_brumby
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    kanga_brumby avatar
    251 posts
    8 January 2018 in reply to Guest_161

    Guest_161 hi sorry to hear about the loss of your brother, I am still getting over the loss of my partner in 2004. Things keep popping up to remind me of her. Or for me to talk on an issue that was close to her heart.

    What I have found with children either gender is. The less they know the other person the better they behave. They all seam to do this. Around mum and dad because they will say no or take away toys etc the one thing that cannot be taken away is a bad attitude. It's pay back. Because grand parents give lollies, toys, ice cream etc they behave well to get more of the goddies. That's my theory

    Kanga

    1 person found this helpful
  12. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    306 posts
    11 February 2019 in reply to Wanting to get better

    Well hello,

    Feeling a little frustrated tonight. One of my best friend's daughter's is having a 16th bday party thi wekend.My daughter is invited. They live 2 mins away from us. My son will not be home and i have little miss 5 who will be asleep by the time the party ends. I asked my friend if someone could bring my daughter home as i cannot get there to pick her up. She said they will be keeping tabs until the last person has left (for safety reasons) and that my daughter can sleep there if she likes. It was nice to offer for her to sleep there but seriously, there are 2 parents there and we live 2 mins away. Couldn't one of them pop out to bring her home? Am i being irrational? The party is at their home, I'm sure there is only a handful of people. People just don't get it. Am i over reacting? A couple of weeks ago we were invited there for her daughters 5th bday. It was a Thursday night, the day before my 15 yo started school and my little miss had her 3rd day of school. The cake was cut at 9pm, chocolate mud and ice cream cake. My little miss was the only child there, the rest was family, all adults. There were lots of lollies and sugar. Little miss was beside herself by 9pm, tired, full of sugar. I felt annoyed that there was so much sugar on a weeknight and feel it would have been better if they just had family and didn't invite us. It was too late o a weeknight and the week of school starting.

    Again, am i being irrational.? I am just so tired.

  13. sister moon
    sister moon avatar
    13 posts
    15 February 2019

    Hi Everyone,

    Not sure if this thread is still going but as a full time single mum I was happy to see that it existed. Can be so lonely at times.

    1 person found this helpful
  14. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    306 posts
    15 February 2019 in reply to sister moon

    Hi sister moon and welcome,

    Yep, it is still going, glad you found it. Tell us about yourself...if you want to of course.

    Great to have you as part of the BB family

    cmf x

  15. sister moon
    sister moon avatar
    13 posts
    15 February 2019 in reply to CMF

    Hi CMF,

    Thanks for the welcome. For some reason this morning I could not see the recent posts just older ones. Just read your post from the other day. Yeah that would frustrate me too. Must be hard not being able to leave the house to pick up your kid and your friend not understanding. Also just sometimes find things that highlight the fact that I am just one person a bit like salt in wounds. I am not sure about you but as a single parent I try so hard all the time to do as good a job as 2 parents.... But well there are some things that we just can't ever do- Like being 2 places at once. And frankly that sucks!

    I hear you with the late night and sugar thing to.

    I hope the party worked out okay.

    Good luck. Sounds like you're doing a fantastic job.

    And tired is super super hard.

    Take care

    Sistermoon

  16. Labs4life
    Labs4life  avatar
    42 posts
    27 May 2019 in reply to Guest_161

    Hi Guest_61

    i just found this group. My husband left me 3 days ago and I’m hurting like crazy. I have two kids 8 and 5 and yes they act better around other people. It’s always me getting all their emotions and bad behaviour (wouldn’t say too bad as it’s normal for them to be acting out)

    i just wish sometimes they will just get along and listen to me as of this morning they were fighting and not getting ready for school and I couldn’t help but cry as I was just sad hurt and every other emotion as I have to deal with him leaving me and deal with the kids having a hard time that he moved out.

    They don’t understand (I don’t understand) he says he doesn’t love me but can’t tell us why and why he can’t live with us anymore

    all day today I have been trying to sort out Centrelink and nothing has gone right.

    I am so sad and want to skip all this bit till I’m happy and the kids are.

  17. MsBakingCookies
    MsBakingCookies avatar
    2 posts
    22 October 2019

    Hi,

    Im new... I’ve been feeling very overwhelmed and pretty much crappy about myself. I feel like I’m not doing enough for my boys and that they’re constantly misbehaving around me and they never listen to me. I try really really hard to stay calm... but they keep going... until I start yelling. Some days (rare days) I feel like “yep I’ve got this”. Most days I’m forcing myself to get out of bed, forcing myself to go to work (full time) and pretend to be all chirpy and bubbly, forcing myself to clean the house, look after the boys, cook, take them to their never ending extra curricular activities and do everything else. When the boys are finally asleep and I look in the mirror, I just hate myself. I just think you’re so dumb. You’re in this position... because of you. Because you’re pathetic and worthless. It’s better then being with their dad. It was a million times worse...
    It’s crazy right? Am I being a drama queen... tell me I’m not the only one...

  18. MsBakingCookies
    MsBakingCookies avatar
    2 posts
    23 October 2019 in reply to Labs4life
    What you described about your two kids sounds just like my two! They’re the same age too. They love each other but bicker about everything. Especially before school. My eldest is constantly lashing out at me and my youngest is starting to go through the I’m not listening to you phase. I often feel like I’m at my wits end as well!
  19. Lisa_A
    Lisa_A avatar
    1 posts
    16 November 2019 in reply to CMF

    Hi CMF,

    I totally understand how you feel.

    I have 2 girls , eldest 23,youngest one 15. I have been through all that stuff with ex as well He moved on to new wife had a child with her..Only has time with them. My daughters both suffered with no care from their father.100% care from me. They were lucky to maybe get a text or invite for day out and when my eldest was in primary school maybe a weekend here and there.

    Just so neglectful and absent father. When my daughter had trouble in high school I asked him for help, he just made excuses and honestly couldn't care less.

    I feel for you ,ex s just dumped you with all the care and upbringing of THEIR children as well. Totally neglectful a holes.

    Contact Child support, I did find them helpful to help with shared care and to discuss father's responsibilities.

    What also gets to me is they do nothing for their children then complain of the amount of child support they pay!! No one human should have a price on their head!!It's their child!!

  20. Holi
    Holi avatar
    8 posts
    27 November 2019
    Hi new single mum of twin 18 yr Olds,nice to see a place to for single parents, like someone's comments here life does get lonely sometimes.one of my son's has level 2 autism spectrum disorder and severe OCD.

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