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by H-G
2 hours ago
Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition (carers)

Space for sharing tips on supporting a partner, family member or friend with a mental health condition, and seeking support for your own wellbeing with other carers.

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Grief and loss

Support following the bereavement of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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by smallwolf
2 days and 9 hours ago

Topic: BB Single Parents Group

  1. Ace1988
    Ace1988 avatar
    16 posts
    7 April 2020 in reply to Matchy69
    I certainly am, but wouldn’t say a super fan.
    you know what the bullshit thing is that I’m really upset and angry about? The fact that at the moment he “hates” me so much... we are clashing like mad and he wants to stay with his dad.... I’m the one who was there when he dad wasn’t seeing him, I’m the one who has provided anything and everything I possibly can for him and picked up the pieces when his dad pulls the crap he did the other night. I’m the one who protects him. So why do I cop the hatred from his breakdown? I’m so heart broken. I don’t know what to do to make him less mad at me.
  2. Matchy69
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Matchy69 avatar
    2335 posts
    7 April 2020 in reply to Ace1988

    Hi Ace1988 I am really sorry your son is rebelling against you.It is really heart breaking for you.It is a common thing in cases where parents are living seperately as one parent will be not as strict and spoiling their child and seems like life is much more fun with this parent.I raised twin step daughters and one of them really against me and wanted to live with her real father who she hardly saw and ran away to live with him and she was there a week and wanted to come back home.She found he wasnt as good as she thought and she calls me her really father now.I know how much hurt you are going through but remember you are meant be his parent not his best friend and make the tough decissions and bring him up with love and respect.He will realise this one day what a great parent you really were.Hang in there your son is worth it.

    Take care,

    Mark.

  3. Ace1988
    Ace1988 avatar
    16 posts
    7 April 2020 in reply to Matchy69

    Thank you Mark,

    it’s definitely not easy. I feel that maybe he doesn’t feel comfortable enough to be himself with his dad and he doesn’t blow up at his dad for that reason but comes home and let’s it out where he feels most comfortable. I know it’s a tough patch, and we will get through it but boy is it hard.
    mum glad that you and your step daughter are so close, that makes me so happy to hear :) she’s lucky to have you to play that father figure in her life.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Matchy69
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Matchy69 avatar
    2335 posts
    8 April 2020 in reply to Ace1988

    Hi Ace i think your doing amazing job as a single parent.I think its the hardest job in the world being a parent.

    With me an my ex we try and work together now as parents.I have 8 y.o son and 16 y.o daughter both with special meeds as well as the step twins who are grown up now.We decided to put a side are differences and work together in raising the kids.We try and have the same routine at both houses so we they have meals and baths and things at the same time as they do at their mothers.What they allowed to do and not allowed to do is the same.It can be hard for two parents to work together like this and understand it is not allways possible.

    Take care,

    Mark.

  5. ecomama
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    ecomama avatar
    1634 posts
    5 May 2020 in reply to Ace1988

    Hi Ace

    I agree with you about your son being able to be himself with you. I think when a child feels unconditional love, they will let it all out to that person, warts and all. If they feel the relationship may be threatened by them acting out, then they behave differently.

    This is a compliment to your relationship with your son. He KNOWS you love him and you are in this warts and all. You always have been.

    The fact that you are upset about this discordance in your relationship shows how great a parent you are. Parenting is not a smooth sailing journey.

    As a single parent there is never enough time to 'do it all', nup, never.

    I read a beautiful poem once a long time ago which really helped change my perspective on what was important now I was a parent... it spoke of the fact that our child would not remember the cobwebs in the corner or the unwashed dishes in the sink but they WOULD be a product of the time we spent with them and the love we invested in them, unconditionally.

    Some times it really helps to take the (societal) pressures off of ourselves. A pyjama day together colouring in or making Thankyou cards. Making a blanket tent in the loungeroom and actually leaving it there. Baking cupcakes together and leaving the washing up till later. Dancing together and learning the lines to sing along with their favourite songs.

    These are the simple things that can be hardest to do for parents but what memories are made of. Give yourself a break and know that you are AWESOME. Your son knows this too.

    Yours in a happier world, one smile at a time.

  6. Squirrell
    Squirrell avatar
    7 posts
    10 May 2020 in reply to CMF

    Today In Australia it is Mother’s Day .It was always a sad day for me being a single mum.After raising my son for 20years which was financial and emotionally tough ,Karma rewarded me with me with the most amazing husband .We have been together six years and everyday I am blessed. Take Care single parents KARMA will REWARD you 🙏

    2 people found this helpful
  7. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    8052 posts
    10 May 2020 in reply to Squirrell
    You re a beautiful soul squirrel.

    Hope you had a lovely day

    Cmf x
    1 person found this helpful
  8. Squirrell
    Squirrell avatar
    7 posts
    10 May 2020 in reply to Matchy69
    Brilliant !Adults putting children needs first . Well done 👍
    1 person found this helpful
  9. ecomama
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    ecomama avatar
    1634 posts
    11 May 2020 in reply to Squirrell
    Squirrell said:

    Today In Australia it is Mother’s Day .It was always a sad day for me being a single mum.After raising my son for 20years which was financial and emotionally tough ,Karma rewarded me with me with the most amazing husband .We have been together six years and everyday I am blessed. Take Care single parents KARMA will REWARD you 🙏

    Congratulations on finding a wonderful husband Squirrel. Your good karma indeed.

    I hope you had a nice day at work.
    XXXX EM

    1 person found this helpful
  10. Samvv
    Samvv avatar
    10 posts
    13 May 2020

    Hi, I'm a Newby. I'm 3 months from birth, having a boy.

    I left the father he is currently under IVO. That's not why I am posting as I have supports though it has been really tough.

    I was just sitting here thinking how unprepared I am to be a single mother. I forget often that I am pregnant until he kicks me. I'm thinking about how utterly different I am from the person I was 6 months ago.

    I almost terminated because I didn't believe I could be a mother and the relationship was so bad... I won't go there it's been a hard road and now I feel though I like the person I am becoming, someone with purpose, at the same time I have no idea who I am or who I am expecting.

    I wake up and have to remind myself this isn't a dream this baby is coming, I am a mum and wtf? I don't know who I am anymore.

    Ive made so many preparations but it still feels like it's just for a visitor, not for my forever son.

    I feel like I'm not taking this seriously enough but I couldn't take it more seriously... So much paradox, confusion shock and fear yet I'm building a love I've never had or felt in my life.

    How does one even give love when they've never known it?

    Some nights I just cry because I'm so confused. I don't even know where to begin .

    I wasn't planning on living much longer now I have stepped into this completely different person. I can't even remember who I was

    Awh, I know everything I'm writing is senseless.

    Im relying on. Just doing the best I can because my well kept secret is I've got no idea what I'm doing.

    I read about kids, birth and such and have made some plans but deep down I'm afraid for my baby, being his mother.

    I just hope he loves me.

    2 people found this helpful
  11. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    8052 posts
    13 May 2020 in reply to Samvv
    Hi Samvv and welcome

    What a beautiful, honest post.

    I hear you. I understand. You will be an amazing Mother.

    Sending you blessings and hugs.

    Cmf x
  12. Matchy69
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Matchy69 avatar
    2335 posts
    16 May 2020
    Now that the kids are starting back at school I am moving from the problems of home schooling to the promblems of trying to get the kids to school.My daughters anxiety is got severe again now with having to go back to school.The drama of trying to get my daughter to school again.I cant get her into to see her psychologist until July.She has been put on a cancelation list so hopefully she can get in earlier.
  13. Confusedmum74
    Confusedmum74 avatar
    5 posts
    9 July 2020 in reply to CMF

    Hi CMF,

    This is such a great idea. Being a single parent is tough kids do not come with manuals and when things do t go to plan many feel like it’s their fault. As a single parent of now adults one of which lives in Melbourne ( not good for my stress levels atm nor his ) and one which has just moved back home with me. I’m still single I love my own space but do get lonely at times. But parenting at any age child throws up its challenges. So it’s good to see a group for us parents.

    1 person found this helpful
  14. Matchy69
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Matchy69 avatar
    2335 posts
    9 July 2020 in reply to Confusedmum74

    Hi and welcome to the parents group. It certainly is a different challenge being a parent under the current environment. Your always a parent no matter what age your children are and worry about your kids.

    Take care,

    Mark.

  15. broken568
    broken568 avatar
    55 posts
    10 July 2020
    Hi, I’m a single mum to two.. 11yo and 14yo. I really struggle when they’re at their dads for the weekend or on school holidays. I always start out with grand plans to do lots of gardening, catch up with the laundry, clean the car etc. But then I always fall apart and hardly get out of bed. The house feels empty and cold without them here. Does anyone else really struggle with this?
    1 person found this helpful
  16. Matchy69
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Matchy69 avatar
    2335 posts
    11 July 2020 in reply to broken568

    Hi broken568 I can really relate to your post but struggling doing anything when you don't have the kids. I struggle with that to and have great plans at doing things and find myself in front of the TV. I really do have to push myself to do something. I get nothing done when I do have the kids as they are full on and when they are at school the school usually rings me to pick my son up early. I know how hard it can be at times.

    Take care,

    Mark.

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