I am 27 and am going through a divorce from my partners of 10 years, 3 of those years we were married.
We met at the age of 17 and I have been codependent on him ever since.
Our relationship was extreme in both good and bad. He is someone like no other. His love was so strong and pure but he was very controlling and selfish.
Our relationship revolved around his wants and needs in life. He made all the big decisions, never saw me as an equal, had an extremely narrow mind of how we had to live our lives and forced me to do as he saw fit.
We had a wonderful, meaningful relationship before we got married.
But our marriage was toxic and abusive.
We were both wrong in our ways. We were verbally, emotionally and physically abusive towards each other.
It got so bad, that my mental health deteriorated and effected my physical heath.
I begged him to go to marriage counselling and he refused. Instead he got angry and lashed out as he usually does.
I saw no way out so I begged for a divorce. At first he refused and wanted to work things out. But I was at rock bottom I saw no way out and was suicidal at the thought of continuing our toxic marriage.
One day he picked up his belongings and walked out the house. That was the end.
I have spent this entire year in therapy to work through my feelings and to fix the problem.
I have gone from feeling suicidal in the marriage to now desperately wanting him back.
I feel I have worked on myself and grown. And that know what I need to do to change for a better relationship.
I have wrote heartfelt emails apologising, going in depth of the faults in me and the relationship and that if we both worked on ourselves and the relationship we could possibly make it work.
He has made comments such as
A part of him has died to let me go.
I am tainted and would rather have 5 failed relationships than be with me.
He no longer loves me.
It’s been 9 months and he has contacted lawyers regarding our divorce.
His love for me was second to none. He loved me unconditionally at my worst. I never in a million years thought he would give up his love on me.
I am struggling to accept it and am in denial that the relationship is over.
I truly believe no one will love me the way he did.
I am holding on to hope that one day he will come back to me and we could work things out.
I feel lost and empty all the time.
I feel my life has no purpose without him.
I feel I have nothing and am hopeless that there is no point of living without him.