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Topic: Broken up feelings and left confused

10 posts, 0 answered
  1. Chloe Annelise
    Chloe Annelise avatar
    5 posts
    7 October 2020
    So my now ex partner and I had been dating for a year and a half and we were very close with each other and each other’s families. I met my partner and then a couple of months later my parents split up after being together for 20 years and my partner saw everything that happened and it took a bit of a toll on his mental health yet he was always there to support me and love me no matter what and I was always there for him. Times were tough but we got through a lot and when living with my mum there were many times where my partner would see us have a bit of an argument. My partner use to tel me that it’s not normal for the way my mum treats me and I use to get upset and he use to always say that he hates seeing the person he loves get hurt. Anyways our relationship continued and things got really good until covid lockdown 1 came down and we got through most of it until we had a break from one another because he found things too much and too stressful which was totally understandable, we went through 3-4 days not seeing each other and then resolved our issues and then we were stronger then ever! We started getting back out to the gym and lifestyle was back on track and then lockdown number 2 came and my partner started to have a bit more anxiety and i saw his mental health slightly dropped and I had all my personal issues going on at the same time and he was studying and also he was worried about his family too for some reason. Things were busy for us at times but he use to always complain about there was no gym and his anxiety wasn’t good although he bought gym equipment etc.. one night he met a friend of mine that I just became friends with again and that night my mum and I had an argument in front of everyone. My partner went home and later told me he needed a big break because everything was getting to him. After a week I contacted him asking if we could meet but he didn’t sound interested and I took that as a sign that he wanted to break up so we argued for a bit and then I broke up with him. I later regretted my decision and called him up and apologised and explained that it was in the heat of the moment. He said that he just needs to move on and he thinks that stuff would happen again if we got back together. I just want to know if he’s ever gonna come back around or even miss me... I’ve gotten off social media fully and he’s still on there posting his thing and we haven’t spoken in a few days since he said he doesn’t think we could go back.
  2. Jsua
    Jsua avatar
    195 posts
    7 October 2020 in reply to Chloe Annelise

    Good after Chloe Annelise's.

    I just want to say that you are not alone and that your situation is literally similar to mine. It's really tough to comprehend at times why these issues happen in relationships. Usually in unhealthy relationships, one partner may be more enmeshed and loving the other and this causes the relationship to become unbalanced. Know that you are a forgiving and a compassionate person. You have demonstrated that you can resolve issues within your relationship, however, you Ex isn't. He has chosen to give in and for whatever the reason is (i.e. depression, study or family issues), the love balance in your relationship is not equal. Now, this doesn't mean he doesn't love you, however, it does mean that he doesn't love himself enough to understand that he needs to love and support you.

    If it helps you with your situation, I asked for space from my partner because he was not always reliable - I was the one who loved and support him and when I tried to resolve our issues, he would ask to break up, over and over again. It simply comes down to who they are as a person and the their problem is giving up too easy. I am now accepting this and even though it has been very difficult, I am taking my life back to focus on my mental and physical health and learning to love myself the best I can.

    You are caring, loving, strong, compassionate about yourself and you're compassionate about others. Please look after yourself, give yourself space from this person who has closed the door and focus on making you the best person you can be. This is time for you to reflect, acknowledge and make any improvements on your lifestyle to feel nothing but joy and happiness.

    Please stay in touch, we are all in this together.

    :)

    1 person found this helpful
  3. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    13477 posts
    8 October 2020 in reply to Chloe Annelise

    Hello Chloe Annelise, welcome and sorry your thread hasn't been replied to, this can happen if the site is busy, so threads can easily be pushed onto page 2.

    I'm sorry for the situation you are in and there could be a chance your boyfriend makes contact with you again, but whether or not you accept him after he's been on social media is a decision you will need to make.

    Are you sure if he comes back that he won't once again leave for someone else and sorry I can't say yes or no, but if my sister asked me the same question, I'd only suggest that moves on.

    My apologies.

    Geoff.

    2 people found this helpful
  4. Chloe Annelise
    Chloe Annelise avatar
    5 posts
    8 October 2020 in reply to Jsua
    Thank you so much Jsua for your response! I truly thank you for what you have wrote and I definitely feel a lot better knowing I am not alone. It is hard because I loved him so much and letting that go is so so hard. Thankfully I am off social media for a while although my family still have him on their social media and he still has them on social media. His father and mother and I have made contact and is father had told me “Never say never... relationships are all about compromise, sacrifice and understanding each other. Things will work themselves out, as long as you two work together through these difficult times. It's never easy and will never be. Give it time. Take care and stay in touch.” I feel like my ex never really told his family much but in the last few days people have told me that he has said that I broke his heart etc.. which is disappointing because I tried to make amends but he said he couldn’t see anything continuing. It’s been a few days and I’m slowly feeling better and making appointments to help my mental health and self growth.
    1 person found this helpful
  5. Chloe Annelise
    Chloe Annelise avatar
    5 posts
    8 October 2020 in reply to geoff
    Thank you Geoff for your response. That is the hard thing you know, my heart is still in love but my head is confused and misses him and then hates him for what he did. I don’t know what will happen but I am always thinking over the last few days is “does he actually miss me” but I know myself comes first just hard to pull my identity away from his because it was so wrapped up around him.
    1 person found this helpful
  6. Jsua
    Jsua avatar
    195 posts
    9 October 2020 in reply to Chloe Annelise

    Welcome back Chloe Annelise.

    You are more than welcome. The ride may be very bumpy but as long as you put yourself first and have the spot-light shin on you. The hardest part will be missing him and all the great times that you both shared and it doesn't meant you don't have to stop loving him. His Father is very right and sounds like a compassionate person and probably knows his Son better than anyone. Things can defiantly change in the future, however, for this to happen, he needs to learn what he may have lost. Please keep your chin up and feel free to stay in touch here.

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Chloe Annelise
    Chloe Annelise avatar
    5 posts
    10 October 2020 in reply to Jsua
    Thanks for that so much but I recently have found out that he’s been posting on social media about me making me out to be the bad one actually and he’s also trying to seek some desperate attention of getting other guys to follow his lead. It’s so petty what he’s doing and I’m so angry but I have to control so much anger in me to not lash out and react.
  8. Jsua
    Jsua avatar
    195 posts
    13 October 2020 in reply to Chloe Annelise

    Good afternoon Chloe Annelise.

    He is telling others that you are a bad person through social media?

    He is venting his frustration very openly, IMO.

    Maybe send him a text telling him how you feel and if he wants to work though the issues, to come to you when he is ready. Then leave it with him. Just an idea.

    Hope you are doing okay and keeping strong.

    : )

  9. Chloe Annelise
    Chloe Annelise avatar
    5 posts
    16 October 2020 in reply to Jsua

    Hi Jusa!

    im doing really well! I haven’t reached out to him at all although his youngest 10 year old brother has contacted me saying hello as he probably is still unaware of what really has happened but other then that I don’t know what’s happened on social media as I’m totally off it and disconnected.

    1 person found this helpful
  10. Jsua
    Jsua avatar
    195 posts
    20 October 2020 in reply to Chloe Annelise

    Hi there.

    I am really happy that you are looking after yourself.

    Keep up the good work and stay safe.

    : )

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