For some more insight, I am married (12 yrs). My husband got bowel cancer 7 yrs ago. Chemo treatment side effects killed his sexual function. My husband is a wonderful man, and never wanted to lose me so when we discussed an open marriage he embraced it. I met others, my needs were greatly satisfied, and my current partner and I fell in love. Down the track, established a committed relationship, I stopped the open aspect and made a life with my husband and partner (nearly 6 yrs). We all live together, have a strong bond and respect for each other. It works well. My husband also has a partner he stays with every weekend. Our original dynamics have changed, but there is still love and a strong relationship. But now my partners dynamics have changed and I never expected to be in this situation again, especially not from “work” issues. He has said I can see other people, which “takes stress and pressure off him”. This opportunity allows me to be true to myself. He knows I have a big heart and a huge sexual appetite, and I think at this point in our relationship he is much stronger to let me be with other men. At the start of our relationship he wasn’t, he was monogamous and hurt him to see me with other guys. I gave it all up and made a life with him and my husband only. But now I am angry because I don’t want to see other guys, I want him, even if only a little bit, but there is no drive for him to make changes. He loves me, he is happy I’m in his life, he falls asleep with me in his arms and wakes each morning with a kiss and a cuddle. He shares his kids with me and said I was the kind of woman he wants in their life. We are so very happy. But the other half of me that needs a sexual loving connection, to feel desired, to be touched and lost in each other - that is missing. I need it, but he doesn’t and he’s okay with that.
I come up with suggestions and all manner of options, and very little is achieved. So I give up trying. I leave him alone because I know the last thing he needs is me bringing to his attention that I am unhappy. So I will be with 1 or 2 guys that I form a trust with, get my needs met and hope that one day my partner changes his patterns of behaviour. Perhaps being with others will make him miss me.
It’s my loss and my grief and I have to find coping strategies. But it’s hard to get over. Because it’s a loss I feel every minute of every day.
Thank you everyone for your support. I am ever so grateful.