Hi man with no name
I’m really sorry to hear about your father’s terminal illness. I can certainly understand your mixed emotions and angst about what to do next. I really feel for you.
Your father was far from perfect, like all of us, and he hurt you. I’m so sorry for that. My father was also an alcoholic so I understand some of your pain.
I guess the thing to remember is that once your dad’s gone, that’s it. I know you know that rationally, but it’s possible that only when you experience the finality of his death will you truly understand it. It’s a powerful punch in the gut, estranged or not (I have now lost all my parents).
Right now you have a window of opportunity. There may be something you need to know. Something you need to say. Something you need to give.
If you feel the pull, it’s okay to go to him now. If it doesn’t feel right, that’s okay too. Listen to your heart because the answer is there.
I’d like to share a story …
My step-father was estranged from his daughter for about 15 years. He was terminal in hospital but fighting to stay. His daughter arrived and they shared some precious time. He left later that night. He didn’t give up, he was released.
I am eternally grateful to her and remain in awe of her courage. I don’t know if she came for him or herself but it really doesn’t matter—they both needed the reconnection. He needed it to go, she needed it to carry on.
I have no idea how a visit would turn out for you and your dad but it could help you both to heal your wounded hearts.
Kind thoughts to you