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Topic: day one begins today

8 posts, 0 answered
  1. day1startsnow
    day1startsnow avatar
    11 posts
    26 April 2022

    Hello to all you beautiful people :)

    I hope that I have posted this in the correct spot.

    I had been dating someone for 6 months, until this morning. When we first me (reconnected from high school 12 years later on a dating app), I was impressed that someone so kind was interested in me. I was single for the last 12 months until I met my now ex boyfriend. after 2 weeks of dating, he told me he loved me, I was a bit surprised but felt so lucky to finally have my luck changed. Things were great -we would go out for lunches, watch movies together between houses and go for hikes, we seemed to have alot in common. at around the 6 week mark he asked about engagement, living together etc. I said I am flattered but I like to have a few months to get to know a partner before making large commitments as it puts pressure on the relationship. he seemed fine with this, but would bring it up intermittently, again I would reiterate I am enjoying our time together but am open to the idea later in the year. we spent alot of time together, until 4-5 weeks ago he sent me a text saying he will not be able to spend much time with me unless its at his house as he has commitments closer to his house. I understood and said I support him in being closer to help his sister move house.He began to make comments about a friend of mine re: her appearance but said he was not interested in her. the communication gradually wore down though, and I was being given the silent treatment every 2-3 days for roughly 2 days at a time. The future planning stopped whenever I asked to make plans to watch a movie together etc and was greeted with hostility. I felt like all I could do was appologise when he would ignore me in case I had done something, but he would not acknowledge it or talk to me in person about our communication issues. this morning I woke up to a text message breaking up with me. I have a history of anxiety and have excellent supports in place, but I just feel so confused by the lack of respect and sudden communication changes.

  2. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    6816 posts
    27 April 2022 in reply to day1startsnow
    Dear day1startsnow

    We are glad you asked your question in our forum. It takes considerable strength to post.

    We understand how confusing it can be when the person we have become strongly attached to suddenly breaks up with us. We are left with so many questions.

    People build connections at different speeds. For instance, you required more time to become comfortable with the relationship. The other person was seeking a closer relationship more rapidly. There is nothing wrong with either approach. Unfortunately, they put us into different emotional places. Put another way, each of you was unable to meet the other person's needs at the time it was desired.

    We are sorry that you are now going through the pain of separation. Please know that we are here to support you through this readjustment.

    Warm regards,

    Sophie M.
     
    1 person found this helpful
  3. day1startsnow
    day1startsnow avatar
    11 posts
    27 April 2022 in reply to Sophie_M

    Hi Sophie,

    Thank you for your response! I should have added to the post - just 2 weeks ago, I had said at the end of June I would like to live with him, and he had seemed excited, buying plant seeds for when we live together. I just feel so confused as I had agreed to move in and said I would start looking at moving quotes etc. Part of me feels as though it was some kind of test. Today I feel quite lonely, I still went to work but now at home on my own, thinking what could have been. I feel like I need to keep busy but unsure how as I feel quite fatigued and upset.

  4. jaz28
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    jaz28 avatar
    509 posts
    27 April 2022 in reply to day1startsnow

    Hi there,

    I am sorry you are going through this. It all seems sudden and strange. Did he give any reason why he broke up with you? Maybe that could help provide some closure.

    It will hurt and break-ups suck. I am sorry. For now, allow yourself to grieve. But when you feel semi-OK (it will be hard for a while, that's valid) try to distract yourself with activities you love whilst also spending time with valued friends and family. It will be hard but you will be OK.

    Jaz xx

    1 person found this helpful
  5. day1startsnow
    day1startsnow avatar
    11 posts
    27 April 2022 in reply to jaz28
    Hi Jaz, thank you so much for your response! No he did not give me a reason, and I messaged back to ask why, but received no response, he blocked me from all social media also when I had logged in after receiving the message. Thank you for your kind words - they mean alot x
    1 person found this helpful
  6. WaterFront
    WaterFront avatar
    105 posts
    27 April 2022 in reply to day1startsnow

    Hi day1startsnow,

    I'm so sorry this has happened and you are feeling this way. I often wonder how people can act in this way, like just totally and suddenly walking away with no explanation and seemingly no concern for the harm they might be causing. Of course, you don't know what is going on with him or what has prompted his actions, not that I'm saying that's a good excuse.

    If you want to talk some more, we are here to support you. Take care of yourself now as your first priority.

    WF

  7. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    16441 posts
    28 April 2022 in reply to day1startsnow

    Hello day1startsnow, I know this must sound to be rather confusing for you to try and understand and very sorry for this, but re reading your comment it appears that he wants everything to happen when he says and if it doesn't then he has no control over you.

    Being together for 6 months is still a 'honeymoon period' and if he gaslights you, then I would worry for you.

    You need a relationship where it's 50/50 but concerned this wouldn't be so.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

  8. day1startsnow
    day1startsnow avatar
    11 posts
    28 April 2022 in reply to geoff
    Hello Geoff, thank you kindly for your sympathising response. Upon reflection, I do feel as though you could be correct here. I did feel as though I had to do everything he wanted me to do, I know that the relationship was relatively short at 6 month but it doesn't make it easy still. I have taken 2 days off work to spend with family, as I do not feel up to working and my boss has been very understanding. Thanks again for your insight -Ash.

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