My bf and I have been together for 5 years, the last 2 living together away from home in NSW through the pandemic. We've had our ups and downs but have mostly been okay and always spoke about marrying, kids and buying a house one day. I heard whispers that he was looking at engagement rings earlier this year.
Then our long sydney lockdown happened. The first 50 days were good. "I'm so glad we have each other" "We've got this" but the last 50 were hard on my bf and he became depressed. He took on more and more responsibility at work and disengaged from everything else. "I feel numb, lost. I don't know what's wrong or why I'm crying."
Then we got out of lockdown and he didn't get better. He got worse in fact. Barely leaving the house, locking himself into study and work all day and night. Constantly anxious, unable to relax. His attitude changed - he didn't want to spend time with me, he no longer wanted kids or to be married at all. "I don't want anyone to rely on me or be accountable to anyone" One week later, I became what was wrong in his life. "Our relationship has been dead for years" "I don't have the capacity to be with you anymore"
I'm devastated and blindsided. He has gone overseas for work for a while but when he gets home he wants me gone. I honestly feel as if he's suffering through a breakdown. With borders closed, I cant get home for Christmas or to even stay with friends or extended family. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to live. I can't fathom a life without him and part of me refuses to believe this is real. We've been through so much for him to end it for no real reason? Lost, alone, nowhere to go.
Looking for practical advice on where to go next and emotional advice on how to get through <3