I’m glad to hear that you have found our conversation a positive experience, I have too :) I myself have gained a lot of comfort from people on these forums, often during my darkest moments, when I have needed it most, so it’s nice to be able to be on the other side. That’s the great thing about online conversations I think, that you can be completely free to share your innermost thoughts and worries, things you may not feel comfortable sharing with people during your day to day life. It also allows people an opportunity to be that support for someone and offer up a different perspective.
I can imagine what a roller coaster it must be for you, and the heartbreak of seeing another child doing things that your beautiful boy can’t. It’s only natural to be angry or question where is the fairness in that. As I mentioned, I have had a number of health blows over the years, and somewhere along the way I came to expect that bad things would happen to me, that I was jinxed. I got baby chickens as pets and decided that, because I loved them, they were going to be taken from me. As such, I get terrible anxiety whenever having pets despite loving them dearly. Irrational but our brain tries to make sense of things that there is no explanation for. I imagine that is what leads us to question “why me”. We are told that everything happens for a reason, so what the hell is the reason for this if that is the case. I indulge in it occasionally, I’m human after all, but I now recognize it as a negative unhelpful thought that needs to be squashed.
I’m glad to hear that you have a great support network around you. At the end of the day, the people around you is all that matters. Your sons smiling face and sparkling loving eyes is a perfect example of that. The fact that he’s smiling and happy. As he gets older, you will find that your focus will shift from what he can’t do to working out what he can do. Look at Stephen Hawking and what he was able to achieve despite his severe disabilities. An extreme example perhaps, but there are many such examples of people overcoming their disabilities or at least working around them. He may need to work a bit harder at things, but from my experience there is immense joy in the things that are harder won. And resilience isn’t such a bad trait to have in life I figure!