Hello - I am completely at the end of my tether. I am supposed to be in a coparenting arrangement with my ex husband, but it turns out that I do everything and he is just obnoxious, rude, and obstructive and has caused me enormous difficulty for the past five years. He dumps the kids with no notice when its meant to be his time, consistently does stupid things that are disruptive and frustrating (like refusing to return kids school uniform), doesn't buy kids clothes and needs for his house , doesnt pay his share of costs under the parenting agreement, etc. He used to barge into my place all the time to take things like clothes and bikes, now I have put in electric gates and security so he will sit in the driveway and blare his car horn deliberately
my quality of life is very poor (I cant commit to things, i always let people down last moment because of the kids), last year I got fired from my job (15 years at the company; direct result of him) and now my partner moved out because he couldn't deal with the situation. I dont feel like talking to anyone about it because I have been nothing but sad/boring/angry/complicated/trouble as a friend for the past 5+ years, and so I have to pretend to be happy
He has refused to take his son for the past two months (complications to do with the new 25-year-younger online import wife) and foreseeable future, this is causing the whole family upset and i am going out of my mind trying to help my son who is ADHD and feeling rejected by his father,
I need to get out and find a job and do something for myself but I cant. I used to be a senior international business executive, very successful and very together but now i am just an absolute wreck with no confidence and absolutely lost.
we all three have psychologists. Since my partner left a month ago things have gotten very bad - I don't sleep, i cant go out anywhere, i dont get anything done, I am yelling at the kids all the time, i feel physically ill and have a tightness/heaviness/pain in my chest. Some days I just cant see the point and it feels like the kids would be better off without me, but I know that I am all they have so I have to keep going. I am completely lost, i just dont know what to do every day.
I was taking all responsiblity to try to help keep the kids steady but now I am worried that I cant helpthem anymore, and I might even be hurting them because I am so unstable. Please does anyone know how I can stop this spiral??