Thankyou for replying to all posts.
Most of us here have mental illness. I have bipolar2, depression and dysthymia. Was once diagnosed incorrectly with ADHD but likely have traits.
So I think we understand your predicament. We very often here get questions about how to get peoples relative/partner to pursue professional care for treatment for whatever, at the end of the day "you can lead a horse to water...."
But that doesnt mean we should resign to the situation, what does it mean we should do?
I always, in these ticklish situation attempt to find the balance. Eg a point at which is- firm, fair (on all parties), reasonable (as what the average description of same is), helping without carrying, advising without insisting, charity begins in your own home first, only be stressed to manageable levels etc.
A metaphor- You have some trees at her place to plant. You dont buy the trees but you put in a savings plan and trickle money into that plan dollar for dollar- what she saves you provide one dollar for one. You provide a spade on loan but might end up hers permanently (on loan means it isnt a gift as gifts are then expected), you take along a table to place the small trees on so it provides YOU comfort to help out for the job. She digs the holes as you are not physically able. If she wont dig the holes you go home and wait till she digs them....and so on.
I suppose what I'm advocating is the firm, fair etc attitude listed above. What she must learn is co-care, that as her father you do love and care for her but it is limited as to the activities you can provide and same as for assistance. You cannot plug up the holes in a clay dam with only 10 fingers, fretting when more holes develop and she is sitting idly by watching the process.
I've got an old friend. His grandson he raised is now 40yo. My friend visits him every fortnight from 400km away and takes a load of groceries for his grandson, his wife and two children as they claim they dont have the money. He arrived one day to find his grandson just purchased a $55,000 GT car (uneconomical v8) on credit. He asked his pop if he'd like to go for a drive. When they went around the corner he asked his pop for $120 for fuel! His pop told him to return home and when he did he loaded his car of the groceries still in the hallway, never said one word, hugged him and left.
He told me it was pointless talking, that if his grandson didnt know why he left with the groceries then he'd never "get it".