Dear geoff, what a beautiful thread you started.
Hi everyone, I've read everyone's posts from the beginning & am in awe of each of you.
Dools, my eldest d wanted to speak to me today about Love & my mothering. This has always been a fear riddled area for me to go into with her. Today it was pleasant.
I wanted to acknowledge the deep pain you feel over your own mother's treatment of you.
You do not deserve this type of treatment any time from anyone. You know this.
None if it is your fault. Your mother appears to be ill equipped to show you unconditional love just as my mother was so brutal, police had to intervene.
Sometimes it seems like dice were thrown & we just got what we got.
As you may know I've been NC for decades, painfully for the first 10y & now have acceptance.
I still love my mother deeply. But am not able to show her in the way Covey states "Love is a verb"... well it's also an emotion.
I found love explained, in the myriad of forms it can take, so well by M.Scott Peck in "The Road Less Traveled". A brilliant reference book. It also explains myriads of other MH conditions which helped me make some "sense" of what I was dealt, not just with my mother but with my absent father & ex partners.
Dools, Sleepy & others, if you were my daughters, I'd cherish you & appreciate you.
As much as we seek our mother's love, for those of us who live without it, we still have the capacity to love ourselves and others. ESP our pets lol!
geoff I first read a thread titled "What is Love?" on an international forum then read the pages of pain & heartbreak shared, right at the time I was dealing with deep betrayal & heartbreak also.
I read the OPs posts with an incredible feeling of "knowing" this person, like we thought about Love, marriage, commitment, family in exactly the same way. Two peas in a pod. It was 6 months before I responded to his thread and 9 months before he sent a PM to me.
Then 3 months of the best & deepest support I'd ever known from anyone in all my life.
I didn't even know what he looked like!
He had no idea what I looked like either lol.
I already felt a deep connection - a form of love in and of itself.
6 months later we met in person & had the most romantic trips of our lifetimes all over the U.S. & Europe.
We're engaged now. It's been over 5y & our commitment is deeper than ever.
It took a long time to know what true love felt like.
It took a long time to begin to trust someone again.