Hi Geoff, RX, and everyone on this thread,
Seems like a lot of things have happened with Covid and lockdowns since the last reply in this thread. Hope you're all doing well and taking care of yourselves during this pandemic times.
I thought I'd reach out to the group to seek advise about something that's been looping in my head. To give a quick summary on my situation, about 5 months ago, my ex and I broke up. The reason for the break up was, my ex was suffering with mental health issues and initiated the break up because she felt she needed the space to deal with her own problems, and that the timing was not right. Though my insecurities is making me hard to believe that's the reason, I thought logically it's best if we split up and went separate ways and respect her decision. Initially she asked if we could remain friends, and I just agreed to that (in hoping that perhaps by remaining friends, she'd change her mind and be back with me again).
Over the first two months of the break up, I tried to be a supportive good friend; checking up on her, reminding her the good things about herself, asking if she wants to hang out so that she doesn't get cooked up at home too long. Conversations were okay at first, but towards the second month, it became really short answers, and sometimes replies can take days. One day I sent her a pix of the skies, letting her know that it reminded me of her, and just checking in on her. But she sent back a long message explaining she's still unwell and what has happened, as well as explaining how she doesn't want to be ungrateful and know I'm coming from a good place, and told me that I don't have to check up on her all the time. I felt perhaps she was right. I might just still be playing my "Mr Nice Guy" hat all that while. Perhaps we're both still not ready to be friends, or whatever I'm doing trying to check up on her is just hurting her more. So I agreed to respect her decision, and we've been in No-Contact ever since June.
Initially, we had tickets to a play that I said we can just go watch together as friends in October. But during the No-Contact period, I was able to process my emotions, and reflect back on the conversations we had during our break up, and times that I had during the relationship. To be honest, I feel there's still a lot to be processed, and my "Mr Nice Guy" trait is making it difficult to understand what is an acceptable behavior/thinking, and what is genuinely me.
(To be continued)