Hey jt and hi to others, hugs if wanted
Just reading back on this thread at dawn! What a beautiful sun rise, magical.
My very brief background, in the romance dept anyway lol, is that I've been married a few times. Last marriage was by far the very worst, horrendous abuse etc.
Was formally diagnosed with Complex PTSD last year but told this many years ago by a Psychologist. We kept it quiet during many years of Courts with demon.
Still recovering from those abusive r/ships, also childhood abuse and traumas.
Many things toxic or abusive ppl do is make their victims, via various means, rug sweep, smoke screen, blame shift, ignore, invalidate (etc) their own personal feelings.
It might take me 'a while' but when I realise I've shut my own feelings down (usually to please the other person), I deal with it up front with that person.
And I SHOULD.
I won't say a behaviour is ok when it's really NOT ok.
BF laughing at the sitch here was deeper than insulting. It was disgusting. Made me feel extremely uncared for in that moment and afterwards.
I told him so. He understood and apologised in a very caring and genuine way.
It's taken a long time for us to "get" to this point in our r/ship. We had major mental injuries to overcome from our past marriages.
IMPE healing BEGINS when we feel heard, validated and moreso if we feel we're being understood.
We're hard wired for connection. We need authentic connections with other ppl to heal, grow, move from survival mode to thrival mode lol.
I find the most powerful magical sentence to use in times of difficulty in r/ships when you've got your head around it, is to say "when you did x, y, z, the story I was telling myself was ..... (eg: you didn't care about me etc)". It's worked 100% of the time so far.
When we've been really hurt by a past r/ship ending, we know the depths of our vulnerability and boy it's SCARY.
To invest any parts of ourselves again seems like madness lol.
I felt DONE at the end of my last m. Over done lol!
But with BF I kept my distance lol, observed, had fun, kind of invested a bit here and there but the major investments came from him. We were friends, became best friends and much later we met.
It was so easy to love him when we met. He drives me nuts some times but he's an extremely patient, caring, loving soul and proves his love for me every day.
Hope that fills in a few blanks JT.