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Topic: Friendships with someone struggling with an ED

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Mads_
    Mads_ avatar
    3 posts
    13 January 2020

    Hi all,

    So I have a close friend who has an eating disorder. It's pretty bad, but she's in recovery.

    I help her through it a lot, she often comes and tells me what she's feeling / has done (she used to do this regularly, but hasn't in a couple months and instead goes to another friend who she went to from the start anyway).

    Anyway, I've found that its starting to impinge on my mental health and I'm starting to get the feeling that I no longer want to continue a close friendship with her. However, if I do this I know she'll just think its her fault and feel worse, and I doth want her to have more on her plate.

    I'm about to start my last year of high school and we are planning to go to different universities, so I assume we will lose contact in that gap, as I will with most of my friends anyway.

    So, if anyone had any advice on what I can do (so I don't hurt her or my feelings) that would be great.

  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    2075 posts
    13 January 2020 in reply to Mads_

    Hi, welcome

    As someone that is obese, I can say that praise for being the beautiful person inside is the way to go. Encouraging her with more self esteem and ways to obtain it are good ideas like attending motivation lectures, reading up on building self esteem etc.

    I have a friend that has an alcohol problem. When he rings me in the early afternoon I dont answer, knowing he is likely drunk. But when he rings early morning I know he is sober and I'll chat away. What I'm eluding to is timing, that drifting away slowly is a good move in your situation concerning your mental health, then regulate your contact with her depending upon your mental strength at the time or delay contact until you are feeling ok.

    Your mental health is more important sadly, but it is fact. Only strong healthy individuals can reach out to those in need. Also, those in need of support should also realise support is not a one way street, that on occasions we all need some. If they do not ever support us then patience wears thin and friendships are usually terminal.

    TonyWK

    2 people found this helpful
  3. Mads_
    Mads_ avatar
    3 posts
    19 January 2020 in reply to white knight

    Thanks a lot. That really helped me to put it all into perspective.

    Best of luck with your friend too.

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