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Topic: Girl I’ve been seeing stopped all contact. Very depressed.

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. Nasher21
    Nasher21 avatar
    1 posts
    11 January 2020

    Hi,

    A bit about myself, I’m a 34 y.o male with a long history of anxiety and depression which I’m on medication for. I’m a sensitive guy who tried hard not to take things too seriously but occasionally it happens and I get defensive, this is something I’ve tried hard to improve but it has been the single hardest thing to do compared to other areas.

    Ive been seeing a girl who I work with for about 3 months now. Nobody at work knows about us. I think early on I knew it we liked each other and there was chemistry but there was something missing. At 34 I am mindful that I am running out of time to meet my life partner and start a family, I wanted to give it a decent shot but we decided to pull the pin and remain friends. Something I’ve never been too keen on but I figured it would still be nice to hang out because I don’t meet girls often and do nice things like going out to nice places. Plus I figured things could possibly change.

    On New Year’s Day we ended up having an argument over paying a bill and I ended up realising I’d made a mistake. Regardless of that she has not texted me back. I ended up slipping the money I owed under her door, still no texts to say she even got it. It’s been nearly two weeks now, this is totally out of character for her as she would usually have been in contact after something like this.

    We go back to work on Monday, it is going to be really awkward. I feel like she might try to tell everyone bad stuff about me and just shut me off etc. I am really overthinking this a lot now and feeling so helpless. I was in a good place in December, I’d been doing regular yoga and I found this had really centred my mind, unfortunately I have injured my back so I can’t even do this now.

    I’m sorry for the long post. I don’t know what to do, it’s Saturday night and I’m scared of Monday. I’m getting all the depressed and anxious feelings, I feel like I’m back in the worst periods of my life which I thought I was past. I don’t know what to do.

  2. Katyonthehamsterwheel
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Katyonthehamsterwheel avatar
    707 posts
    12 January 2020 in reply to Nasher21

    Hello

    You mentioned "the single hardest thing to do" and I absolutely feel you there. It's what wrecked my relationship. Good on you for continuing to try though, and I'm hearing you about yoga - love it! When I couldn't go for a while I really missed it.

    As for your situation, you will already know that with anxiety we tend to overthink things and draw the worst conclusions. So there's a possibility that things will turn out fine. In a workplace perhaps it could be expected that people will act professionally, so she will treat you cordially? Perhaps you could think about if you have a conversation in the workspace, what that might look like? Is there anything you would want to say to her in person? Would you be happy to keep it light and hopefully get past the awkward bit? So I guess what I'm saying is, try and keep a balanced view of the situation, because when we have anxiety, we tend to lean into the bad thoughts, and not the good possibilities.

    Also, have you tried meditation? I know you can't do yoga at the moment, but meditation is similarly helpful. Also - don't forget to breathe! One of the biggest take-homes from yoga and an easy one to forget.

    Best wishes, Katy

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