Welcome to the Healthy Families forums!

This is a space to ask questions, share experiences and support each other. Find a relevant thread or start your own!

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community and have a read of the community rules. Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

  • share on Facebook
  • share on Twitter
  • Print page

Topic: Girl pushed me away and became toxic

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. user981
    user981 avatar
    8 posts
    15 October 2020
    I used to be very close with a girl. After a few months I noticed things started seeming a little off with her. Things started going downhill and she has mentioned to me that she's got depression and has been hurt so many times in the past.

    As things went downhill she still was close to me in a way but not the way things used to be. There are times where it's like she pulls me closer and then pushes me away because she doesn't want to be attached to me.

    When I try having conversations with her to talk about issues that are affecting our relationship, she usually gets upset and tells me to leave her alone or tells me to go away. She became really toxic after things started going downhill. Has this got anything to do with mental issues or is this really the person she is? I feel like she tries avoiding conversations with me because maybe she knows she's the one that's made things bad?

    It feels like I have stuff trapped inside me that I can only get out by talking to her but she doesn't want to talk to me, she got more toxic towards me. I asked her did you ever care and she said no. I can't trust anything that comes out of her since she's lied about so many things and once again I don't know if this has to do with her mental issues? She once used to say she loves me and that she cared. Oh well..
  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    8368 posts
    15 October 2020 in reply to user981
    Hi, welcome

    My psychiatrist told my wife once "you'll have a difficult time determining if his behaviour is personality or illness."

    Either way- it's from her and it is her. Medication and therapy can go some way to improve someone but there is some actions and behaviour that is pure intent.

    I'm sorry to say it appears she hasn't enough care for you to just live on hope. Better to accept it's not going to work out.

    Many of us have endured break ups. I've had 3 all over 7 years long. It's heartbreaking but, remember- you'll be wiser and know more about your needs and commitment level from the next girl. In time you'll realise it wasn't meant to be and one thing better than being in love with someone is for them to live you back 100%.

    Stay strong and keep searching. Lots of special girls out there
    TonyWK
  3. Jsua
    Jsua avatar
    195 posts
    20 October 2020 in reply to user981

    Good afternoon.

    This sounds like a cycle that I personally have just ended. This push/pull cycle is defiantly not healthy in anyway. It may be ongoing behavior - most likely not controlled in any way. Now before I go into some detail, please note that I don't give professional advise. There could be a possibility that the person experiences a personality disorder i.e. NPD, BPD etc. Now, if so, this person is either very terrified of being hurt (caused by past trauma) or is trying to connect with someone else (you are a possible option). Either way, if you have tried discussing this and they push you away further (this happened to me every week for 1.5 yrs) thisis usally a good sigh that the person may be suffering and doesn't know how to control their emotions.

    Know that what ever the reasons are, the person is controlling your situation. By you attempting to reach out on several occasions and being given the silent treatment, the person is not healthy.

    Try removing yourself from the situation, no contact, maybe send a text telling the person that you are thereto support them and to reach out to you when they are ready. This means that you have taken the control back and if the person really has feelings for you, they should return. If not, stay clear from people like this, they have no self compassion for themselves or for others.

    Let us know how you are.

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up