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Topic: Grief and loss over breakup of a relationship for 6 years

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. curiousPotato
    curiousPotato avatar
    1 posts
    18 May 2022

    Hi,

    Hope everyone is doing well! I'm Wendy and I'm new to this group.

    I sincerely hope that I can be given some advice or just a few pieces of words on how to make me feel better. It's been 3 months since my ex-partner broke up with me and I suffered tremendously over these periods both psychologically and physically (exhausing each outher in arguments and fights). It took me long to find a nice home to rent and I just moved out yesterday. The sadness kicked in like hell and I was out of control of my life after all these years of living together with someone that I had formed such a deep bond with and someone I shared eveything in my life with but now all of a sudden he's a complete stranger.

    Today at work during team lunch my colleagues were chatting about one of them who was supposed to go get a ring and propose to his partner and this made me even worse. I was beaten at the thought that my ex-partner, whom I was so in love with, will propse to someone else and become husband and father to someone else instead of me.

    I felt I was drown in this pool of sadness and pain.

    I don't know what I can do with my life and I hope that there could be some sorts of advice that can shed some lights on me on how to get up to myself.

    Thanks!

  2. GooseWelsh
    GooseWelsh avatar
    1 posts
    18 May 2022 in reply to curiousPotato

    Hi Wendy!

    I'm very new to this too but I was intrigued by your post. I've never been in a long-term relationship as I'm still a teenager so I would have no clue of the pain you must be feeling. I don't know if this helps but I've learned that every experience can be a learning curve if you look at it the right way. I don't know him but in a relationship as long as that, he must be having similar thoughts and emotions. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that you're doing great and I hope you this helps you out.

    :)

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Juliet_84
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Juliet_84 avatar
    731 posts
    18 May 2022 in reply to curiousPotato

    Hi Wendy,

    I just wanted to say welcome to the forum, and give you a bit warm hug 😊 breakups are the absolute worst aren’t they?! Your brain becomes your worst enemy and throws up all the good memories that you ever had with this person and glosses over all the major issues you had to cause you to break up in the first place and tells you that you will never find someone who you love like that again. But you will, we all do, and soon your ex will become a distant memory. Even my most devastating past breakups are now a distant memory, that is just how we work, we move on and adapt, sometimes many times in the course of our lives. But you will find that hard to believe now as you are in the thick of things, so your job now is just to get through the day, that’s all you need to do. Practice self care when you can, sit in the sun, have a warm shower, read a magazine etc. And then one day in the not too distant future, you will notice that joy will start to come back in your life, you may catch yourself laughing with friends etc. You will find happiness again, take it from me, someone who has been in the depths of despair at one time also xx

    3 people found this helpful
  4. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    16441 posts
    19 May 2022 in reply to curiousPotato

    Hello Wendy, it is always devastating when you lose someone you love and I'm sure there are many people who have experienced this, but this doesn't make it any easier for you and know how heartbreaking it is for you.

    One option is to try and change your lifestyle, because if you continue on doing exactly what you had when you were with him, then you will become stumped on trying to relate what you and he would do, rather than what you want to do by yourself.

    If this can be done, then there is no discussion, perhaps no disagreement in a situation that could be difficult, it's a choice you make on your own.

    Those friends who are swapping rings is always lovely to see but they have their own life together and could be completely different to how yours could have been and you can't compare them to how you feel because they have their own individual personalities.

    I know it still makes it come back to your situation and I'm really sorry, but you don't know who has been watching you in the background, only wanting for this to happen and hopefully you may get a lovely surprise.

    If you do what the two of you had been doing, then you won't be able to move forward, so try and change your pattern.

    Please get back to us at anytime, we only want to help you.

    Geoff.

    3 people found this helpful
  5. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9778 posts
    19 May 2022 in reply to curiousPotato

    Hi, welcome

    I see you've had some supportive replies which is great.

    I'm 66yo and had 4 long term relationships of duration 7,11 (1st marriage 2 kids),10 and current 2nd marriage 11 years. I've finally found happiness with a wonderful lady.

    The 1st relationship included many fights. 3 months after it ended I met up with her by coincidence and chatted. I left that meet up with the knowledge that breaking up was the right thing to do as I felt the tension while we spoke. I loved her very much. My first marriage was to a narcissistic person and it led to a suicide attempt after 11 years. I left one week later. I lost my full time parenthood, house, neighbours, town and dog. Broken hearted I was in a caravan park at the age of 40. I was like you, lost and alone. After 8 weeks I spotted a block of land and suddenly it all changed, built a kit home and had such focus I didnt have time to grieve any more. Therein lies a secret- occupy your time, physical exercise till you drop! Find new friends, date someone for fun and company and build up your confidence.

    I have a few links here below and you only need to read the 1st post of each.

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/the-best-praise-you'll-ever-get

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/who-cries-over-spilt-milk-#:~:text=That's%20the%20saying.,The%20guilt.

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/do-we-expect-a-smooth-road-in-life

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/relationship-split

    repost anytime

    TonyWK

    3 people found this helpful

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