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Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition (carers)

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Grief and loss

Support following the bereavement of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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by Ggrand
2 days and 2 hours ago

Topic: Help, I need to separate from my husband due to abuse but he has a MI...

  1. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    16207 posts
    26 September 2021 in reply to emotionallydrained

    Hello Emotionallydrained, thanks for getting back to us and just because a thread hasn't been replied to for a few weeks doesn't make the problem just stop or go away and certainly doesn't mean that people aren't reading what's been said, so if you want, please continue.

    You say he's apologised and he may have changed, but do you know for certain or is this only temporary, because the way he was previously may slowly creep back in, and as this is done slowly, you need to decide whether or not it's something you want.

    If you feel negative then maybe it's something you don't want to accept.

    Take care.


    1 person found this helpful
  2. Guest_1643
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Guest_1643 avatar
    4854 posts
    26 September 2021 in reply to geoff
    Hi there, still reading and supporting you ...
    1 person found this helpful
  3. ecomama
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    ecomama avatar
    4567 posts
    26 September 2021

    Hey Emotionally drained, I get you and where you're at.

    I think you're holding unrealistically high standards for yourself and where your emotions "should be".

    It's easier to forgive and not easy to forget, I don't think you should forget anyhow.

    Once a perp has done what they've done, NO ONE would expect the victim to continue living with that person. No matter what "changes" appear to have happened.

    It's very difficult to be in this situation with no one to talk to so I really encourage you to keep posting here and writing our your thoughts because people are reading and if you ask questions perhaps more people would respond (if you want that).

    I was also in a similar situation for many years. It was horrible. I felt the situation was hopeless and that's very sad, so hugs.

    I agree with "the grass isn't always greener" but I wasn't sure about what you meant by that?

    If you meant you could be free of his abuse then yes in a way that could be true, eventually. Family Law being what it is means the abuse can continue for a long while as it did for me (and the kids) for years.

    My strong advice for you is to upskill and have a long term plan for exiting.
    Reading about the 180 strategy and putting as much into yourself as you can.

    Sometimes I've encouraged women to just "jump into the abyss". They would see how they COULD fly and every one of them have so far.

    Doesn't mean the separation time isn't dangerous. It is very dangerous, so any plan has to be taken out fast when you decide.

    And just a mother to mother long hug too.... dear lady, no one is the mother they wish they were. No one.
    Please be kind to yourself and keep your relentlessly high standards in check.

    I think part of your sadness atm is because you weren't able to vent everything you felt from Hs abuse.
    You haven't had the validation necessary to move on in any way.

    Hopefully you can get that validation here.

    Love EMxxxx

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