Welcome to the Healthy Families forums!

This is a space to ask questions, share experiences and support each other. Find a relevant thread or start your own!

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community and have a read of the community rules. Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

  • share on Facebook
  • share on Twitter
  • Print page

Topic: How Do You Get Out There?

24 posts, 0 answered
  1. Guest_0753
    Guest_0753 avatar
    24 posts
    27 October 2020

    Can someone tell me what I would be doing wrong when I can't ever get a boyfriend or go out with friends. I am a more introverted person who works and stays at home as my two social places apart from shopping. What and where do you meet these sort of people and why does it seem to come so easily and naturally to other people to get someone special? Is it to do with the fact I don't have those Jlo looks , not obvious enough with flirting

    What has worked for someone in the past?

    1 person found this helpful
  2. romantic_thi3f
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    romantic_thi3f avatar
    2781 posts
    28 October 2020 in reply to Guest_0753

    Hi Little Miss Overthinker,

    Thank you for your post- as someone without JLo looks I hear you!

    I also noticed though you wrote "what I would be doing wrong" and later "who works and stays at home"... I'm wondering what situations you are putting yourself in where people can meet you? If there's a Mr Right or a Mr Right Now, how can they find you?

    * Full disclosure I'm aware that with Coronavirus it's more difficult

    rt :)

    2 people found this helpful
  3. tranzcrybe
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    tranzcrybe avatar
    398 posts
    28 October 2020 in reply to Guest_0753

    Hi LMO,

    Hm, I guess your alias gives you away a bit - while you are busy contemplating every aspect of how you are presenting yourself, and what others may or may not be thinking, projecting scenarios of dating, relationship, marriage, kids... oh, the opportunity has passed.

    Although physical appearance can make you a beacon, true beauty emanates from within you (...when not being distracted by other thoughts). Just observing others for who they are, showing interest in what they are doing/saying, and offering yourself in ways to be of support, will project your personality and beautiful qualities resulting in you being noticed in return.

    Regards,

    t.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Juliet_84
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Juliet_84 avatar
    432 posts
    28 October 2020 in reply to Guest_0753

    Hi Little Miss Overthinker,

    Tranzcrybe has hit the nail on the head, your name gives you away in this instance, little miss overthinker :)! There is absolutely no reason why you can’t have a boyfriend or go out with friends, that is perfectly within your power. I see plenty of normal people out there who are just average in their looks walking along with their partner. Not everybody is a supermodel out there but that doesn’t matter, you find people who you connect with. But the fact is that you are going to meet zero people sitting on your couch - you cannot classify staying at home as a social activity 😂 like you, I am an introvert and love staying at home and getting takeaway and watching movies. But when I was single, I knew that I had to get out and meet people if I wanted a partner because my social circle was fairly limited (due to my hermit tendencies). So I had to put up with a certain amount of discomfort being outside of my comfort zone, a means to an end if you will. And that meant online dating! I had to go on quite a few dates before I found someone I connected with, but I met some nice people along the way, and met some not so nice people that gave me some interesting stories lol. It’s just a matter of embracing it and getting out there. Obviously not super easy at the moment but you can always chat online for the time being and get to know people

    4 people found this helpful
  5. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    8275 posts
    28 October 2020 in reply to Guest_0753

    Little miss

    i feel that I would join a group that interests me . Of course that is hard now.
    whether it be art, music, walking ‘kayaking anything where you meet people with a similar interest.

    2 people found this helpful
  6. Guest_0753
    Guest_0753 avatar
    24 posts
    28 October 2020 in reply to quirkywords
    Okay but could you tell me what they mean by, my name gives it away please?
    1 person found this helpful
  7. Not_Batman
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Not_Batman avatar
    247 posts
    28 October 2020 in reply to Guest_0753

    Hi.

    Your tag is little miss overthinker, so i’d say that they mean you are overthinking it. Dont worry about it.

    what i mean is that perhaps spending time worrying what people think takes away time that you can spend on other things.

    for someone who looks like a thumb (me) and fairly introverted, Married with kids, its pretty good evidence that looks are not at the top of the list.

    Not_Batman

    2 people found this helpful
  8. ecomama
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    ecomama avatar
    2598 posts
    28 October 2020 in reply to Guest_0753

    LMO you just have to get "out there".

    As others have pointed out... and probably the partner you WANT to attract... looks are not as important as you may think.

    BTW Not_Batman does NOT look like a thumb omg lol.

    Also what others have eluded to is that you may have to "kiss a few frogs before you meet the handsome Prince"... Not fun that part IME but taking your time getting to know ppl is the key to NOT kissing the wrong frogs. Or toads as the case may be.

    My basic "go to" used to be going all out doing activities I LOVE. Even bike riding.
    Doing these activities made me very happy and that can be extremely attractive in itself.
    You'll also meet ppl who are into what YOU are into.

    Funny story, I met a lady who was shocked when I told her this... she was having issues with her on & off bf at the time. She met him at a "Fix your own car" Course... she'd enrolled in that Course for the sole aim of meeting a man who COULD fix her car and become her bf lol.

    Not only did she meet a man who couldn't fix cars either but they had very little in common, so it was a very frustrating r/ship for her at least.

    Give these things a go and see how you go.

    Remember meeting "someone special" is extremely special in itself and not as common as you may think... divorce rates are a tell tale sign, sadly.

    Love EM

    1 person found this helpful
  9. Not_Batman
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Not_Batman avatar
    247 posts
    29 October 2020 in reply to ecomama

    LMO...i think EM has summed it up in a good way there.

    EM...I hope you dont know my true identity!?!

    Not_Batman

    1 person found this helpful
  10. ecomama
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    ecomama avatar
    2598 posts
    29 October 2020 in reply to Not_Batman

    (Shhhh just between you and I, I DO know who you are! Bruce Wayne :)

  11. Juliet_84
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Juliet_84 avatar
    432 posts
    29 October 2020 in reply to Guest_0753

    Hi,

    I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to cause any offense, all I meant was that you needed to spend less time in your head thinking about things and more time doing things/getting out there. We’re all guilty of that, myself included, so I didn’t mean for that to come across as me criticizing you :( like the others said, I think you just need to cultivate some interests and the rest will follow

    1 person found this helpful
  12. ecomama
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    ecomama avatar
    2598 posts
    30 October 2020 in reply to Guest_0753

    Dear LMO

    How are you doing today?

    I wanted to share a podcast with you that my eldest daughter is laughing alot about atm...

    It's called "Why don't you want to date me?" by the comedian Nicole Byer.

    Apparently it shows the MEN'S side and is hilarious.

    Thinking of you
    EM

  13. Guest_0753
    Guest_0753 avatar
    24 posts
    30 October 2020 in reply to ecomama
    Hi, not doing so good and I don't care. I am angry and frustrated. I don't look at podcasts, Never have. I got hurt that hit me deep when this person goes do you have a social life? boyfriend? friends? what's it to her? I have never spoken to her about anything and she thinks she can magnify glass me like that. Nuh uh. I don't even like them anyway. I feel like saying to her it is people like her that holds me back from doing anything apart from putting my head and working, going grocery shopping by myself, and staying home. Keep your nose out of it, smart alleck. Even now, there is nothing for me to do and I can't message anyone to do anything.
    1 person found this helpful
  14. ecomama
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    ecomama avatar
    2598 posts
    30 October 2020 in reply to Guest_0753

    Oh dearest LMO

    That person seemed to push into your private life where it was none of her beeswax... yuck.

    It seems to have triggered you?

    I'm so sorry LMO sometimes we get hurt when it wasn't another person's intention to hurt us..
    do you think she intended to hurt you or was trying to reach out and connect with you more?

    But whatever... if you don't like her, then it is what it is.

    Have any of the above suggestions sparked a thought or 2 about how you may want to move forward?

    Thankyou for posting again and sharing how you're feeling today.

    Love EM

    1 person found this helpful
  15. Guest_0753
    Guest_0753 avatar
    24 posts
    30 October 2020 in reply to ecomama
    The thing is I don't want to connect with this person, I don't feel comfortable with them and it has been like that since I met them. I will be polite to her. She said she was being "motherly" but I feel like saying I do not see you as a mother because I am not into you and I felt like she was embarrassing me on purpose. She was not being sensitive. It is the ones I do like that never say things like this to me and I do like them. I know if I had the guts I could be down right rude if I wanted to. No, nothing ever sparks anything, I can't be bothered with it.
    1 person found this helpful
  16. Guest_0753
    Guest_0753 avatar
    24 posts
    30 October 2020 in reply to Guest_0753
    Because of all this, I just feel really let down and upset that my life is NOT the way it should be and everyone is allowed to do whatever they want without anyone caring and yet when it comes to me, I am not allowed to do anything or offend anyone. I hate all those toxic people you can't please, Why can't I be open for once and express how I feel without feeling guilty or anything? I wish I could have a social life overnight but I will not happen. All I feel like doing is sleeping forever
    1 person found this helpful
  17. Mr Paul
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Mr Paul avatar
    381 posts
    30 October 2020 in reply to ecomama

    Hi EM

    "Why don't you want to date me?" by the comedian Nicole Byer.

    I tried to listen to the podcast but gave up after about 5 minutes. I must be getting old!

    cheers

    1 person found this helpful
  18. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    3685 posts
    30 October 2020 in reply to Guest_0753
    Hi Little Miss Overthinker,

    We're sorry to hear that you're feeling so distressed by this interaction. It must be difficult to feel that you can't please anyone, and it's concerning to hear that you feel you want to sleep forever.

    Can we ask if you are currently accesing any mental health support? If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

    If you're feeling distressed and need to talk this over with someone more immediately, please know that you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

    If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help you get through this tough period.
    1 person found this helpful
  19. Guest_0753
    Guest_0753 avatar
    24 posts
    30 October 2020 in reply to Sophie_M
    I only mean go to sleep!! I cant go out with anyone, I can't ask or initiate it, I get awkward and I hate it when I feel insulted
    1 person found this helpful
  20. mocha delight
    mocha delight  avatar
    421 posts
    30 October 2020 in reply to Guest_0753

    Hi little miss overthinker you kind of sound just like me as I like to all it I’m a single Pringle not to mention I have a fear of later on in life being one of those crazy old cat ladies with like a 100 cats for company. And if I ever say anything that upsets/offends you ect ect ect please let me know as I rather people would so I can try fix things. So in other words I’d rather people be honest and upfront with me.

    2 people found this helpful
  21. Guest_0753
    Guest_0753 avatar
    24 posts
    30 October 2020 in reply to mocha delight
    I find it very hard to be upfront with a person due to the fact a family member was always unreasonable to get through. They never listened and would turn it all on us like it is our fault
    1 person found this helpful
  22. mocha delight
    mocha delight  avatar
    421 posts
    30 October 2020 in reply to Guest_0753
    Lmo hi and thanks for the reply please take your time with being upfront and open ok as I only ever want you to feel like you can open up ect ect ect whenever your ready to be and even if it’s something at first that’s extremely tiny so no rush or anything just when your comfortable or ready is all I meant.
    2 people found this helpful
  23. ecomama
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    ecomama avatar
    2598 posts
    30 October 2020 in reply to Guest_0753

    Dear LMO

    Thankyou for sharing how you feel, I can see you are REALLY frustrated at the situation and how you see other ppl treating you.

    It's perfectly understandable why you're feeling this way.

    I'm so glad that mocha delight has reached out to you (and all the other members also)... mocha has shared her feelings and situation and I really see things happening for her... hugs to you sweet mocha.

    And HUGS to YOU too sweet LMO... please don't think you have to CHANGE who you are to become friends with others.
    You DON'T and even if you did then that's a bad idea IME.

    Just a few points meant said with care:
    * You're AWESOME
    * you don't have to share your thoughts with everyone IRL, none of us can... if we did that all the time then wow...fireworks lol.
    TACT is the key.
    * you are entitled to CHOOSE whom you associate with (it's just a pity we may work with in your face ppl lol - there's a few at my work too... ugh).
    * absolutely a "social life" will not appear "overnight" and nor should it, being selective is the key
    * you WILL meet ppl who pith you off - it's simply a fact of life.
    * how you deal with the pithers is completely up to you.
    * you CAN learn how to set up boundaries for the pithers and openers for the nice ones you'd choose to spend time with.

    Your life is at a crossroads it seems. You're uncomfortable with the way things have been. You're looking to make changes in the hopes you will become more happier.

    There are no guarantees about anything in life but you will have to take "chances" and risks and engage with others to broaden your circle, as we have all had to do, and if you want to.

    Love always
    EM

  24. ecomama
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    ecomama avatar
    2598 posts
    30 October 2020 in reply to Mr Paul
    Mr Paul said:

    Hi EM

    "Why don't you want to date me?" by the comedian Nicole Byer.

    I tried to listen to the podcast but gave up after about 5 minutes. I must be getting old!

    cheers

    LOL! Love your work Mr Paul!! lol... I'll respond on dl23's thread.

    EMxxxx

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up