I have wanted a baby since I was a teenager. Life hasn’t gone that way. Bad choices in men, not falling pregnant during various relationships and I am now with a man who has had a vasectomy. He agreed a year ago to go on the IVF journey with me, we talked about me doing it alone or if he wanted to become the dad.. he chose the later.
he has an estranged 23 year old daughter and a lovely 20 year old son already. He is late 40’s, I am late 30’s so we have our challenges.
We knew that I was more excited about this, he had a few doubts but was on board. He was helping give me my injections, being as involved as he could.
We started our first round of stimulated IVF and I went to hospital to do my egg collection, he went to do his surgical sperm collection and he backed out last moment.
I was coming out of anaesthetic.. I was sitting in a room with our Dr telling me he doesn’t want to do this anymore. My heart broke.
He was sorry, I went crazy. Crying/begging/negotiating/crying/yelling/crying.
After all that we finally talked, talking about his fears and anxieties of it. Some of it was being a dad again, some of it was nerves about a large needle.
The specialist rooms wanted to know how we wanted to proceed, it seems insane but he wants to try again but I am petrified about this happening again.
I have been a gambling addict a long time ago, I know the power of your mind convincing you to do or not do things. I know he is conflicted ( he loves me but also scared) however I feel so hurt by this.
I feel broken and just wanted anyone insight if they have been through IVF before, if they have had their partner let them down at a critical moment and what happened.
Thank you for listening.