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Topic: how long for a broken heart to heal

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. Overitt
    Overitt  avatar
    3 posts
    27 May 2020

    my one and only man in my life who been with for 14 years married for 11 he was my first, we have 4 kids together still young, and he decided he isn't happy anymore doesn't love me and is leaving,

    im heartbroken, I have plenty of support people around me family ect but I just cant stop crying im devastated, I love him so so much it hurts, I put on a fake front for my kids as we agreed to sit with them and talk to them I never want them to see me fall but im absolutely falling apart, how long will this be and I know time will heal but im just so lost

    1 person found this helpful
  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    8369 posts
    28 May 2020 in reply to Overitt

    Hi, welcome

    I’m sorry to hear of your plight. Many of us here have gone through similar, mine (2 daughters then 7 and 4yo) happened in 1996. Yes, devastated is the word.

    Grieving in these situations is a process that others can’t really do much more than scratch the surface with assisting you.

    Everyones grief process varies in time. For me it was 8 weeks before I found a block of land. Then my grief periods rapidly declined...why? I was distracted with activities. But add to that a second job (both shift work,) and I was too tired to think about it.

    google this please

    beyondblue topic the best praise you’ll ever get

    beyondblue topic distraction and variety.

    ps your kids will be ok, they are resilient

    TonyWK

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Overitt
    Overitt  avatar
    3 posts
    25 October 2020 in reply to white knight

    Wow this was a post I did in may (6 months ago)

    I can tell you after 6 months I only feel worse

    while he is living his life having fun I’m still falling apart

    1 person found this helpful
  4. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    8369 posts
    25 October 2020 in reply to Overitt

    Hi again,

    I'm glad you returned to the forum

    Separation and its length to recover depends on the person. Life is unfair and in your case more unfair for you than him because (I presume) you have your children more often than he does. You see him enjoying his life, maybe dating, whatever he wants to do. As a dad that many years ago was a part time dad for 14 years I can tell you, being away from your kids is no walk in the park. But again, it depends on him and his attachment to his children.

    I would try to not think about him and his "fun", but concentrate on your kids and when the opportunities arise when you can get a break- you have fun.

    If you'd like to expend further please do.

    TonyWK

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Imogen2
    Imogen2 avatar
    25 posts
    26 October 2020 in reply to Overitt

    Hello Overitt. I have been where you are now as for me I had one child and he left us when she was 4 months of age in 1998. It took me 3 years to finally move on. He left me for a woman he worked with but their relationship soured when my ex husband seen me moving on - I did a TAFE course while painting my house all by myself! I cried every day for nearly 2 years but you have more children and I can understand that the grief is very strong but those children keep you going. My baby kept me going she’s now 23 and is in a secure qualified job. My ex husband and I are now friends we call each other occasionally but I do not love him anymore. In fact I am grieving over my last relationship ended 7 months ago but he was an old boyfriend back in my late teens and early 20’s. That’s a long story but listen to your intuition and conscious. My ex husband had wonderful trips away when we broke up he even went on a holiday overseas when my daughter was only 5 months he didn’t even bother to come and see her. He wanted to wait until after the divorce. Then he started making contact when she was six months old and I had a hard time in the courts when he tried to get full custody just for financial reasons that would benefit him. We finally agreed to 50/50 shared custody but my daughter hated it by age 14,she told her dad that she wanted to stay with me as changing homes every Friday became tiring for her and he didn’t understand when she remained at home with me he wouldn’t speak to her for two years as he was so angry. They are friends now at 16 he realised she was doing well in high school and reconnected with her. He could of seen her at any time we lived in the same town.

    Overitt, please keep us posted on how you are, stay strong. I know it’s hard but keep busy.

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