Hi, for context, I'm 19 and a full-time university student. I live with my sister, father, and mother (this is all important). And I guess in the last year or so, I've been kinda figuring out that I have essentially mummy issues. Also I hope I posted this in the right place as well.
She was pretty crappy to me and my sister when we were younger. She was pretty angry. Sorry for not going into any detail or anything but my dad + sister agree with me when I say that she was pretty crap.
I don't really know how this has affected me otherwise but her talking to me, knowing that she's listening to me when I talk, and talking to her makes her uncomfortable. I can't have her in my peripheral vision either as that also makes me uncomfortable. And when she does try to deal with me, I automatically lash out.
We've tried to talk to her, had a big family conversation but my dad (who was meant to be the mediator) just backed out and it felt like me and my sister were debating with my mum instead of actually talking about it. And I did feel like a lot of the problems I mentioned, especially with my experience coming out to her (I'm queer), she denied ever happened. Like events she denied, saying they didn't happen and generally laughed it off (which she does whenever this is brought up) even if me and my sister both remember it. Or she will remember the event and spin it as harmless when I remember being a confused and afraid kid for example. And she tries to tell convince me that what she did was justified when it really wasn't.
And that I guess gives me unresolved issues which make me lash out at her when she tries to interact with me. And I know that makes me sound really immature but I genuinely don't know how else to communicate with her.
And my dad saying she was an asshole when I was younger is almost the only thing validating that these issues and events that happened weren't actually made up and that I'm not just blowing it out of proportion or fabricating it out of thin air.
I'm just generally very out of my depth and pretty young in the grand scheme of things. I don't want to make up with her and don't feel comfortable doing so but how I deal with the fact that I'll probably never get any closure or any apology? How do I cope with this???