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Topic: i'm lost.

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. im-blue
    im-blue avatar
    3 posts
    16 May 2019

    hello, i'm a new member & not too sure how this works just yet, but i am in a bit of a situation, & need a little advice. sorry if this doesn't make much sense, it's a bit hard to explain.

    this is about the guy that i have been dating for basically two years now. it didn't take us long to get close since we have lots in common & we really liked each other. a year & six months into our relationship, my family & i went though a real rough patch. there was lots of fighting & crying, so i made the decision to go live with my boyfriend for a little while, just to clear my head. side note; i am very insecure in the sense where i need a lot of support from people & mentally, i am quite unstable. so when my boyfriend & i started spending so much time together, it became normal for me & i started needing him all the time, or at least feeling like i did. it's been seven months since we started spending every day together, my family & i are now in a better place & i'm staying there more often. but my boyfriend & i are not in a good place. it seems like he is so used to me always being there, that he doesn't care as much anymore. we rarely spend quality time together - as he is always playing his xbox - & whenever we do spend time together, we fight. we go to school together & are in basically all the same classes, so we are almost always together. it feels like he is constantly asking me to do things for him but never doing the same for me & he always gets frustrated if i don't do something he expects from me. (eg. just this morning he forgot his headphones at home & since i didn't grab them, it's my fault) we don't go out with friends since we are always together & he never makes an effort to work though arguments that HE starts & just expects me to apologise. i have been a bit dramatic at some points in the relationship, but he makes it seem like i'm always being like this. he makes me feel like every fault in our relationship is on me. it's gotten to a point where i think we need to spend more time apart, but i'm so deep in that i don't even know how to do it & feel okay anymore. i know this sounds toxic, but before we started being together every day, our relationship was actually amazing. i love him so much i don't know how my life would be without him, but he's hurting me so much at the moment & i think i'm hurting him too. i just don't know how to get back to what we were anymore - sometimes i even wonder if we can...

    what should i do? :(

  2. YellowPoppy
    YellowPoppy avatar
    11 posts
    16 May 2019 in reply to im-blue

    Hey Blue,
    Good on you for reaching out.

    Just so you know, your relationship doesn't sound toxic to me.

    When my partner and I started living together we had a long adjustment period of how to be with each other and how to keep what we had important and special.

    Things like date night, planning something together and doing it.

    We often do small nice things for each other, I'll drop a coffee off for him at work, he'll make me a tea.

    We still struggle due to my mental health but we enjoy our time together.

    I think if your able to, spend more time at your families house, try and explain to your partner what's happening for you. It is okay to have 'me time' in a relationship. And once you've had some more space maybe you'll be able to all about living together and how it could work for you.

    If you can post back, that would be awesome.

    Hope to hear from you.

    YellowPoppy
    1 person found this helpful
  3. im-blue
    im-blue avatar
    3 posts
    16 May 2019 in reply to YellowPoppy

    Hey YellowPoppy,

    Thank you for your reply. It's comforting to know that someone else has experienced something similar. Thank you for the suggestions, I will definitely try some of those the things you suggested. I think the first step is spending less time together for now, but what happens if that doesn't work?

    I think part of me is afraid that if I stop spending so much time with him I will fall out of love, or he will... but if we keep going how we are, we will end up breaking up.

    Do you have any suggestions on how to manage these fears and emotions?

    Blue.

  4. YellowPoppy
    YellowPoppy avatar
    11 posts
    16 May 2019 in reply to im-blue
    Hey Blue,

    Aside from reassuring yourself that you or he won't fall out of love I don't have any other suggestions.

    But if staying with him means you'll end up breaking up then go to your families house and try and work on the relationship IF you fall out of love it's the same outcome as if you'd have stayed.

    Sorry I can offer you much more.

    Stay in touch if you can,

    YP

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