No, you are
not being abusive - it is that simple. Quite the reverse, you sound a very
caring, practical and sensible person and sound very much like you are the one being abused, which I guess you have suspected already.
Sadly, all the
things you mention - his saying time is “wasted” on relationship
problems, blaming you for blowing up, screaming, slamming doors, his altering the
past together with all his other manipulative actions such as not giving you a chance to talk, threatening
suicide and all the rest all point towards a certain type of person.
Unfortunately a person you may have got the stage of
half-believing due to his constant arguing, insistence and twisting things to be your
fault. That combined with your wanting him to be well and in a safe place has left you
very much at sea.
Sophie’s suggestion to ring 1800RESPECT is an excellent one.
They are very experienced and you may well be surprised at the number of things
in your life you have just accepted up until now form a pattern pointing to
your being abused.
It is one of the unfortunate ways a person’s mind works that
if one is told something often enough one can start to believe it - even if one’s
memory says different. In a similar way one can start to blame oneself if told
things are always your fault even when the logical half of you knows they are
As far as I know getting the abuser
to change is not an easy or quick thing, if possible at all.
I’m sorry to paint such a negative image, but see no point
in not telling you the facts as I see them.
You are in a very painful and stressed place; may I ask if you
have support? A family member or friend you can talk frankly with? They do not
have to fix things -unless you need practical support- just listen, discuss and
I’d also suggest counselling for yourself - however please do
seek 1800’s advice, they’d know better than me.
One other thing, it is important that whoever is treating your
partner gets the full picture, not just the twisted version he presents,
otherwise his treatment may not be as effective
It may be after seeking advice you may want to re-think a lot of things, please do come back and talk some more, we are here to
support you whenever you want