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Topic: I feel like a fool

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. Pinkly
    Pinkly avatar
    5 posts
    30 November 2021

    My self worth seems to have dropped a bit.

    I had a guy over my place on the weekend. He came over for drinks and a catch up. Never met him before.

    I really thought we hit it off. We had so much in common, we're talking about literally anything and everything. I showed him my favourite movie, and we stayed up til 2am talking and bonding.

    I really thought we formed a connection.

    He stayed the night, and we even texted rhe next day after he went home.

    The day after that I worked up the courage to ask him on a proper date to a korean food place we spoke about and he even said "you'll have to take me there"

    I got left on read. He opened the message within a minute of me sending it. And no reply at all.

    I've never asked anyone out properly before. I really truly like this guy.

    Damnit.

  2. Juliet_84
    Valued Contributor
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    Juliet_84 avatar
    617 posts
    30 November 2021 in reply to Pinkly

    Hi Pinkly,

    It is an incredibly difficult thing to put yourself out there when you like a person, so I completely understand why you feel as though your confidence has taken a knock after being left on read. The way I see it, there are three likely explanations, he opened it while he is doing something important and wants to come back to your text when he has time to respond properly ( I’m not sure how much time has now lapsed) or he has a fear of commitment and this is his M.O. I’m not proud of it but I have ghosted people after dates before, even good dates where I have felt that I really have a connection with them. For a long time I never knew why and then I found out that I was a fearful-avoidant attachment style and so I possess both a overwhelming desire for intimacy but am also absolutely terrified of it due to my past experiences. And getting close to a person can trigger it. And the third is that he just didn’t feel that spark and didn’t want to have that awkward conversation to your face. But it’s unusual for one person to imagine that feeling of connection that you get when you both just click and so I don’t think it’s that one. Whatever it is, give him a few days and see whether he comes back. Most people do with a bit of space. Of course, if it becomes a recurring issue with this guy then you will need to reassess. Have you had any updates since your post?

  3. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    15556 posts
    1 December 2021 in reply to Pinkly

    Hello Pinky, maybe you could offer other suggestions, a variety of different restaurants or be game enough to ring him, remember he might not have been able to return a reply being in a situation that wouldn't allow him to, and this can happen many times, don't give up, if you like him then keep contacting you.

    Geoff.

  4. Pinkly
    Pinkly avatar
    5 posts
    2 December 2021 in reply to Juliet_84

    I haven't had any response yet. I messaged him Monday afternoon.

    Part of me wants to message again, but part of me doesn't as well. I don't want to come across annoying or anything. But I really enjoyed his company.

    Plus I wouldn't have the foggiest idea what to even message if i did again.

  5. Juliet_84
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    Juliet_84 avatar
    617 posts
    2 December 2021 in reply to Pinkly
    As hard as it is, I would leave it. That way it gives him an opportunity to come back with a “sorry I thought I responded to your text” etc while he deals with whatever he is dealing with. If you send a follow-up text, if he is still dealing with issue X, then he is more likely to ignore both texts and then it is harder for him to come back when he’s ready if that makes sense? I definitely think you have a greater chance of him texting you if you give him a bit of space. That being said, depending on what he says when he resurfaces, you will probably need to assess over time whether this is a pattern.

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