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Topic: I miss my ex so much

8 posts, 0 answered
  1. Pringlelover24
    Pringlelover24 avatar
    1 posts
    13 October 2020

    hi, almost a year ago I cheated on my boyfriend of about 1.5 years. It was the worst mistake of my life and I lost everything along with my boyfriend. I take full responsibility for my actions as well. I moved away for college and tried to make new friends but to no avail. I had some pretty terrible stuff happen to me when I moved away and I can’t help but think none of this would have happened if I didn’t cheat. I met a guy in my new town and we connected, after only knowing each other for about 2 weeks in person, he moved into my family home. We fight everyday about the silliest things. My dad has noticed we fight and doesn’t like my boyfriend. My old boyfriend constantly pops into my mind. We never fought like this, we were best friends and I loved him so much. I think I still do. I haven’t spoken to him since we broke up and our old friend group banished me as well. There’s so much I miss, his family was like my family and I miss them too. He is so angry at me over what happened and I get that because I broke his heart. I just want him back but idk if I should try and reach out to him. I doubt he will be happy to hear from me but my heart literally hurts when I think about him.

    does anyone have any advice?

    1 person found this helpful
  2. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    4428 posts
    14 October 2020 in reply to Pringlelover24

    hi and welcome.

    I dont have any advice for you. Sorry.

    And I am also sorry to hear what happened. I don't know what happened for you to cheat on your BF, and how that might not be important? And rather than keep the matter of the cheating to yourself you decided to tell your BF what happened. Your honesty was/is commendable. Especially when you might not have known what sort of response you would get.

    We all make mistakes and the consequences obviously vary.

    One way to look at the situation is to ask yourself how would you feel later on if you did not reach out to him. Is he still single and not in a relationship?

    Sometimes relationships end and have to work out a way to move on.

    Working out why you cheated might be helpful for you?

    Lastly, there are many similar stories on the forum - you are not the first or last person to do this. You might find some of the answers you are looking for in their stories. If you do a google search for...

    beyond blue cheated on partner

    the results will have linked to stories similar to your that you could read. I hope that some of what I have said is helpful to you.

    Tim

  3. Croix
    Community Champion
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    Croix avatar
    9204 posts
    15 October 2020 in reply to Pringlelover24

    Dear Pringlelover24~

    I'm sorry about your current situation, and like Tim above have no ready answers, just things to think on.

    First, yes you might be in your current relationship with someone you do not seem to get on with becuse you moved away and probably looked for the type of relationship that was broken -and looked to hard.

    That's human.

    Secondly being unfaithful does not normally just happen for no reason at all, it could be there was something missing from your relationship with your first BF and you looked for it elswhere, anything from it being too serious, your not realizing what you ad, insecurity, an argument or anything else including sex.

    Can I suggest you do think about what caused it? You may find a surprising reason. If you do decide waht it was that might change your attitude to the first relationship -or not, you would know best.

    I can make suggestions, no idea if they sit well.

    First if you are unhappy with your new partner then let him go, there is no point in punishing yourself by hanging on to something that causes greif

    Second try to rebuild those friendships that were broken

    Third sure, send you ex a letter or whatever, say why you cheated, and ask if he would like to get together to see if the problem can be overcome. Please be careful not to seem to be justifying your actions, just want to be back.

    I hope I'm not budding up your hopes, he may well, like you , have formed another realtionship or simply not be interested, Still nothing tried nothing gained.

    What do you think?

    Croix

  4. geoff
    Life Member
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    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    13477 posts
    16 October 2020 in reply to Pringlelover24

    Helo Prinlelover24, I'm sorry for the situation you're in, but in relationships, we only wish that nothing goes wrong to displease our partner, unfortunately, that's bound to happen in one way or another, not that we mean to, but situations may develop out of our control or we're caught in a position that leads us to do something against our will, knowing it's wrong.

    The reason why you cheated, which you have taken responsibility, may or may be totally your fault but coerced into doing and if this the case then your boyfriend should know about and maybe it was with one of his friends.

    A broken heart can always be mended, especially if love still exists.

    This current friend living with you can not replace the one you love, ask your dad if you want to move him on, and try and contact your previous boyfriend, he maybe missing you.

    Please can you let us know.

    Best wishes.

    Geoff.

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Imogen2
    Imogen2 avatar
    25 posts
    27 October 2020 in reply to Pringlelover24
    Forgive yourself and don’t punish yourself and if your ex can’t forgive you just think at least you tried. Do you see a future with him(?), look after yourself first then you will have something to offer; start as just friends again don’t allow anxiety to take over, leave emotions out, stay cool. I hope the best for you.
  6. Imogen2
    Imogen2 avatar
    25 posts
    27 October 2020 in reply to Pringlelover24
    If you still love your ex, I wouldn’t confuse yourself by getting involved with someone else. I believe you need time out on your own to grow. This current relationship is not making you happy but it seems to be only confusing you and pining for your ex. Time out, concentrate on any studies you may be doing you mentioned college. Maybe in time you will meet Mr Right but get your life settled first.
  7. Juliet_84
    Valued Contributor
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    Juliet_84 avatar
    432 posts
    27 October 2020 in reply to Pringlelover24

    Hi PringleLover24,

    When we are in an unhappy situation, such as the one you find yourself in with your current partner, we have a way of glorifying the past. I hear this a little in your words, that none of the bad luck that befell you would have happened if you hadn’t broken up with your ex-boyfriend. As Croix said, if you are really hung up on your ex-boyfriend and think it will work the next time around, then break up with your current boyfriend and reach out to your ex and see whether he will meet with you. That being said, I would question long and hard whether you are seeing things clearly, and not through rose colored glasses. You also obviously need to be prepared for the fact that he may not want to after all this time and the circumstances surrounding your breakup, but life is short. Whatever the case, it sounds as though your current relationship is not working for you.

  8. Jsua
    Jsua avatar
    195 posts
    27 October 2020 in reply to Pringlelover24

    Hi Pringlelover24.

    If I May offer some light into your situation. Just to let you know, you are not alone in how you feel, however, there are things that you can learn from the past to improve on your current situation. I want you to know that this is about you and how you feel. This is about finding out what you are missing in you heart and how to resolve it.

    It's absolutely normal to miss a previous partner, but comparing your current partner to your previous will not resolve your issues. It could be that you don't like feeling alone, that you may your expectations of your partner are too high, that you no longer feel attracted. These are not your partners issues, they are yours to own.

    Give yourself compassion because you are a strong person, you show courage for what you did to your ex and now you can move on from them and learn from your mistakes.

    Focus on learning to love yourself, take care of you and build a better connection with your partner - you deserve them - unless you are being abused. It's not their fault that you are feeling this way so it's best to communicate what you want from your relationship.

    Good luck.

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