My wife of 10 years was an alcoholic for 6.5 of those years. She's a wonderful person to have successfully recovered from her addiction.
I have a lot of respect for her. We have a 6 year old, and he loves her very much. She's a great mum now.
During the long years of her addiction, she was terrifying to live with. I was often in fear for her life, our sons life and sometimes my own.
There were many traumatising events, and I am currently seeing some psychologists to deal with them.
Despite being sober, she can still be hostile and resentful to me in extreme ways, and also (rarely) to our son. One of my psychologists thinks she could have Borderline Personality Disorder. She has good support, but no diagnosis, and I don't feel safe enough yet to raise that possibility with her.
I also have recently been diagnosed with ADHD and can see now that I have coped through all the conflict by pushing my own needs and wants to the background, to avoid conflict, rejection and overwhelm. I am medicated and doing ok with that now but I can see clearer now and have decided I need to leave.
I am worried about finances. It is likely we could have a 50 50 split of our child, but It might be that she has more, as It would be easier for me to move out and for him to stay in the home he knows. I believe this generally means a higher split of assets for her?
I guess this is the tough part, what about me. Is there a way that some compensation can be factored into the asset split to account for the damage I took in supporting her during her addiction years? Does this ever happen?
A major reason I stayed with her was to wait until she was solid and reliable as a parent. I helped her get sober, and I constantly supported and encouraged her career pursuits. I would not leave if she was not safe with him. God I'm lucky she has gotten sober.
But, there were violent events in our child's first year where she lashed out at him and I had to put my own body in the line of strikes. It hurt me in a way i am still only just coming to grips with now. Sometimes she would drive drunk with him. Very drunk. I was afraid to say no to sex.
I struggle daily with my sleep, sometimes having nightmares, sometimes having daytime vivid horror daydreams, not of her attacking, but just me needing to be ready to fight for my life and his. I struggle with sex now.
She has gone forward, I have gone backward.
Where do I stand?
What are my best first handful of steps to take?