OFCOURSE you deserve kindness!
A bit of guidance when we're in a pickle never goes astray.
I'm going to give you my perspective on this straight down the line.
exbf was stalking you.
You gave in.
I doubt this is called stalking anymore IDK.... You're in an emotional affair with exbf....
"That was until he repeatedly added me back, so I added him back again. This time he was different. So here we are, I'm speaking to him on snapchat, he's been saying inappropriate things and I've been ignoring them, I feel incredibly guilty for A. adding him again, B. Not telling my partner it happened again C. even feeling like I want to speak to him. Wether its for closure or not, it feels wrong."
It's not for closure... this is opening up a can of worms. OPEN-for-sure not closure.
"I don't want to hurt either of them but my boyfriend comes first."
A favourite saying 'believe a person's action not words'.
"How do I let go? Should I block him on snapchat again or tell him I just want to be friends?"
Absolutely block him.
exbf shows he DOESN'T want to be 'just friends'.
The reason why I'm saying this is because of exbf's behaviours AND MOST IMPORTANTLY.....
"I suffer from anxiety depression and suicidal thoughts, this situation really hasn't helped."
you feel like you're going down the gurgler because of a bloke like this.... NOT worth it.
"While my partner and I are not perfect, have had issues and almost separated many times, I have been very loyal to and content with my current partner for the past 2 years, however the last 3 months it felt like something in me changed, I wasn't happy anymore. My partner has mental illness like myself and can become very hurtful and I would argue abusive during his lows."
I'd speak to a good Counsellor about:
- exbf's behaviours - BIG red flags
- the near 2y "itch" you seem to have when you don't feel happy anymore - this could be about many things.
- current bf being "abusive during his lows".
I hope you can get some clarity really soon for your own MH and wellbeing marli,