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by smallwolf
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Topic: living alone

  1. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2865 posts
    16 November 2021

    Been a very hard few wks emotionally and pressure wise too , not coping well at all nor too proud of myself either quite frankly.

    Lot going on , work, house stuff, following and with gf stuff andddddd, my d's been depressed too and it's been really damn hard coping with that while everything else. Actually that alone is incredibly hard and probably enough for anyone. ex and l are positive she;ll find her way though. But it's been extra hard this last mth or 2 bc with the gf situation it means l haven't had her support either and she's just so brilliant with it all that l miss it so much right now. Not only but she was just brilliant with my d when she was here too and that lightened the load soooo much , not to mention we had our life too as us, so you can triple that again all round. Unfortunately too everything l'm in now we had planned to be doing together so to be chiseling my way through it all alone now , reallyyy feeling the pinch.

    Anyway, life wise things should be easing up next few wks, not long now thanking the Gods let me tell ya and some time off soooooo, just hold on me eh.

    But yet , here are the cards , just wth.??????????? did a hand today. Same thing but even stronger, l think they're drunk. Money stuff but as l was saying that's a no brainer as l'm concluding the business end of the yr with work. But the big love of nearly 5yrs , still hasn;'t returned , of course that springs gf business to mind butttttt, that stops making sense bc they're still on about but even stronger , happiness luck andddd love, rather than just straight big love. Well they obviously aren't in my world right now are they. But yep , they're persisting with that and getting stronger. Yet l haven't felt this low in yrs but eh, l'll take it .

    Maybe there's light at the end of the tunnel , or maybe the cards have lost the plot. Still , it's better than a bad read right. One good thing the car's camping setup up is almost done. l don't understand why bc l haven't wanted to go away for yrs apart from my work trips but for some reason suddenly l just can't wait to take off on wkends lately , hence setting up the 4wd. Can't say it was as fun as l'd envisioned too much else to do atm but got there.Few wks and things will back off and l'm outa here haha. Poss even a Sydney trip upto gf's though we haven't talked about it since so we see.

    rx

  2. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    8729 posts
    17 November 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hi rx,

    Sorry to hear you are struggling & that your D's not doing well but yes, the only way toward the light is through the darkness. Maybe the cards are leading you toward that light?

    When we end/move on from relationships it does take for the reality to sink in.

    Remember, what you think is what you draw into your life. If you think about what you don't want, that's what you attract. If there is any glimmer of hope for you and gf then focus on that. Draw it into your life. Manifest it.

    Big hugs

    Cmf x

    1 person found this helpful
  3. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2865 posts
    17 November 2021 in reply to CMF

    Ahh cm. Thanks very much for those thoughts . tbh yeah like you say with yourself sometimes, l do get drawn into negative and anxiety cycles and with everything going on atm, and it's getting the better of me. l do need to remember things like that at those times like now. Allowing negative really does seem to just bring you down more ddoesn't it. .

    D's been away a few days and l'm getting a so needed recharge thk God right now. l understand everything and circumstances going on with myself lately, but some l just can't change tis just the way it tis atm. But it's a shame bc l l'd be coping in my usual ways if l could and holding up much better. Anyway.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  4. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2865 posts
    20 November 2021 in reply to randomx

    Well , gf and l have talked last few days, quite a bit actually. Don't ask me how it started again can't even remember, think it was just from one message, we're like that.

    l don't even know how to say things l want to here, butttt, anyway, we just blow me away , we just do , and so does she. lt's pretty damn incredible this thing we have. You know it's been something like 9mths l think since we've seen ea other. Yet even with all this break stuff , her frame of mind and everything she's going through , and she's just had the first part of one of her court cases. Then add into all that things at my end going on for me too , it's just mind blowing.

    Whether we've talked for mths or not at all for mths , or any of the above , or haven't even seen ea other, l just can't explain it but we still grow. Huge things that would be splitting most people up , we still somehow grow. We talk again and it's just like nothings happened or as if she's still been right here with me all along , it's surreal. And she somehow knows things , things about me , or something l've been feeling , or something l'm starting to feel , or something l've been thinking about , big things , things no way you could just guess at or possibly know , we both do with ea other , even with all this or if we haven't even talked in mths. lt's mind blowing and she's getting stronger and stronger without even being with me. We've both always been like this with ea other , we somehow just know things, big things all kinds of things, and feelings too , they're just there, stringer than ever, but for that to be still growing let alone becoming as strong as it is even under these circumstances , man, it's very weird.

    But it's a real worry to. l suppose we shouldn't even be talking, protecting our hearts bc if her court cases go against her we're doomed anyway. So hard to know just how to handle it but it's like we just can't stop it.

    rx

  5. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2865 posts
    20 November 2021 in reply to randomx

    l want to protect myself , and her too of course , but l can't find the strength to ignore it or stay away if we come back to ea other like this last few days and at other times before through this. Neither of us can.

    l felt she'd call yesterday and l'd actually been trying to decide while at work all morning , how l was going to or should handle it and sure as eggs , later on the phone rang. l just couldn't not answer , l've just needed to hear her voice too badly again lately and her mine hence her calling. We usually get to that point around the same time.

    Trouble is , it opens the door again , to hearts that will get very hurt later on if things don't go her way. l dunno whether to just stop trying to fight it off and to hell with it all just go with it or what to do. Obviously the smartest safest thing for both would be to break this off properly right now until she has her cases and a conclusion. But how are we suppose to do that with the way we are.

    lf it was two yrs ago now , l;d def' go for it bc at that stage us being together could've actually helped her cases , but l the lawyers say it won't now , too late. l really just don't know whether to stop this trying to fight it and live it , or what. We talked about me going up after Christmas , next minute old plans and new plans even where to live if l sell here, a road trip upto qld now that borders should open. God , how do l get myself into these things , how am l suppose to walk away except for knowing the risk.

    Not a doubt in our minds we're growing old together if we can , but we won't know if we can until after the courts , what are you suppose to do. That trip would be so beautiful , just what she needs and l need and we need. And so would going up after Christmas.Live for now be happy and go with it , or fight it all off on what if's.

    l don't know, don't think l can anyway.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  6. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    8729 posts
    23 November 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hey rx,

    You've tried a few times to end this to protect your hearts. I wonder if the fact it's not working is a sign from the Universe to hold on. Msybe it's too early to call it quits?Maybe things will work out in your favour.? You both have such strong feelings and connection. You know what you think and feel is what you attract into your life. Maybe it is worth hanging on to that glimmer of hope? Just maybe?

    Big hugs

    Cmf x

    1 person found this helpful
  7. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2865 posts
    23 November 2021 in reply to CMF

    Hiya cm , and thanks as always.

    l wonder all the same , and much more. And it's all such a testament to us as two and individually toward ea other , that in all this time and pressure and being apart, we actually grow . lt's the same the second she gets of the plane or we step out of the car here at home, another 3hr drive up from the airport, it's instant, like she never left.

    We've always felt like all life as we call it, our only future and my feelings are usually spot on, and so that's another thing we can't shake, l dunno. Does make us think that it's not only the only way we can go , but that everything will be alright.

    lt's only the logical side of things interfering and reminding me of the obvious gamble, bc l could be wrong.

    rx

  8. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2865 posts
    23 November 2021 in reply to randomx

    The worst things is l can't feel the situation. l've relied on intuition and feels my whole life and they;re as l say 9 out of 10 spot on. But the reasons l just don't know how to handle this is bc l just can't feel that part of it, it's just not there, can't work that out. lt's always there, but in this , it just isn't. Hence l've done cards quite a bit more than usual the last 12mths, trying to tap into it, but it's still just not there. My daughter hasn't had it coming through in hers either., very strange

    What l do feel though and always have, is that this is our last stop, as we say, all life. And l can't feel anyone else, only us. That's why l've tried hypothetically putting myself into a moving on frame of mind awhile back , just to see what comes through as a way of feeling it. But nothing, can't feel or imagine anything else, and it just feels totally wrong even trying to.

    But l just can't feel just wth to do in this and how to handle it either. Nothing's screaming stay out of it or your going to get hurt, but nothing's screaming stick with it hold in there. There'd normally be one or the other in any huge decision, has been my whole life. But in us, l hear nothing.

    lt's thrown me so much .

    rx

  9. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2865 posts
    28 November 2021 in reply to randomx

    l'm amazed l'm even here or able to even think tbh. Ex and l have been messaging all wk d problems , gf and l have been messiging all wk her problems and just talking too, and on the phone all wkend as well but haaaa, l don't knowwwwww.but l need to get a few things out of my head.

    We don't know if we're doing the right thing and l don't know if l'm doing the right thing. l mean she could have to leave the country, we just don't know. But if we let ourselves get involved again , it's putting everything we have left in the tank and heart into hoping and working on her being able to stay , but what if it doesn't work ? And it could be another 6mths, 12 mths , we don't know.

    l just don't know if we're being fools in this, we could both very easily be left burned out and heartbroken if it doesn't work. Do we keep going trying everything and give it our best shot , or let ourselves fade away to protect ourselves. l just don't know.

    As l say , l can't hear or feel screaming inside yea or neigh , nothing, why can't l feel that. We've spent so much time together this last wk even from a far , and so much discussion too , and lawyers and what if's and ideas we're coming up with and new info and on and on. We've even talked about us both going over to Portugal for 2yrs if she can't stay. But l can't forget my daughter and God know even if it did come to that , when it would be but right now my d is def; in no shape for me to be away 2yrs.

    lt must be amazing to be involved in a hassle free not a care in the world relationship, l forget what it's like to live like that. Do they even exist , can't remember.

    rx

    2 people found this helpful
  10. jtjt_4862
    Valued Contributor
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    jtjt_4862 avatar
    314 posts
    1 December 2021 in reply to randomx

    Heya Rx,

    Sounds like you're having a rough time. Sorry to hear that man :(. Has your daughter considered a mental health care plan with her GP for her depression? Might be good for yourself too to seek a relationship counsellor for some professional advise regarding the situation with your gf.

    Sometimes we tend to cling onto things real hard, not wanting to let go of them because of what they represent to us. Even if it's not good for us, we still cling onto it in hoping that things will change. As we cling on harder and harder, it wears us off, and we get exhausted to function properly.

    Amidst the clinging, we forget that there's also the option to let go; To let go and see where life will take us. There's no right or wrong answer to either choices, we just learn from our actions/experience and keep moving forward. Society kinda taught us to be judgmental about our choices, and we can imagine all the 'what ifs' in the world to ensure we make the supposedly "right" option. But I feel the better way to go about this, is to have that self-awareness of your actions, but do not be afraid to do what you feel is right for you. That way we can gather the courage to do what's necessary for our own survival, and learn from the experiences to make better choices next time.

    From the sounds of things, you're both fighting really hard to keep up with the relationship, and the tenacity is admirable. It takes two to tango to make a relationship work, but perhaps the dance scene (timing) isn't right for the both of you no matter how hard you two try to tango with each other? But I believe you'll be able to make the right choice for yourself, and for her as well Rx.

    Regards

    Jt

  11. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2865 posts
    1 December 2021 in reply to jtjt_4862

    Hi jt , and thanks for the thoughts.

    D is bp , but she won't go to any of her appointments or take her meds, we wish , but she won't. Although l don't believe the depression is about bp , matter of fact l'm still not convinced she is bp , rather, consequences from the run the poor things had this last 18mth. But time will tell . She has been a lot better just this wk and we're hoping she's coming through it.

    Haa, thanks for trying to talk me into doing the right thing which to you would be just get out of this situation l know andddd, maybe your right. What if her cases go ok though , we could have our life back forever, l'd give it 60 40 our favor , to hold on for that and a maybe, don't know. l also could be wrong with those odds.

    But nah , we don't have to try to keep us going or hold onto anything , that's the easy part unbelievably with what would tear most couples apart and we're closer than ever. But of course the stress of it all especially for her , not the us , her situation, is another matter entirely.

    And of course the smart thing for me to do is a no brainer obviously but doing the smart thing has taken many a couple and love apart and robbed them of what could've been that they never find again even 20yrs later, seen that quite a few times. So the no brainer is every tough call. Can't feel anyone else , neither can she.

    rx

  12. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2865 posts
    1 December 2021 in reply to randomx

    Although.

    My older brother and he's w had to break up for 2yrs back when they first met due to circumstances they were both in. They got back together later and have been happily married 25yrs . Maybe a temporary break up could work for us too , in a just protecting us just encase scenario.

    The breaks we've supposedly tried to have , not that they lasted long anyway , we're one thing , but actually breaking up , until we have an outcome, is another. But of course that would be the smartest most self preserving thing to do.Back to how far does being smart about it get you though , don't know.

    l hate the thought of putting a gap in our over 3yrs now , hate it . Not only but my support will help get her through this and if she's in a better frame of mind from that support and just in a knowing l am still here , it'll help her make positive moves in the cases. So that's another argument l'm having with myself.

    rx

  13. jtjt_4862
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    314 posts
    2 December 2021 in reply to randomx

    Heya Rx,

    My apologies if my words came out in a way directing you to making the decision to let go. It was not my intention, and I can understand what you meant by "smart thing has taken many a couple and love apart, and robbed them of what could've been that they never find again even 20 years later". I recall you mentioning your past relationship (the one whom you were trying to write a letter to), and I felt it resonated with what you said. You broke things off with another person, but then pondered on the thought of "what if I had just held on a bit longer and perhaps things would've worked out". I can't say whether it was the right or wrong decision, but I assumed that choice was based off your thoughts that it was for the best for the both of you (correct me if my assumptions is wrong).

    Having a break from the relationship can be a good thing as well, as it allows both people to deal with what they need to do first, before they can bring the best versions of themselves to the relationship. But that is not to say remaining in the relationship while working through their own personal issues/managing the stress, is a bad decision. If both can continue to do that and push through without burning each other out to the brink, then it's a worthy decision. But if it's impacting both of you in a major way to continue functioning properly, then perhaps it's best to rethink what would be the best option for the situation, and take that leap of faith. Whatever happens out of it, it'll be just fine and both of you can handle it.

    Jt

  14. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2865 posts
    2 December 2021

    Yeah she thought it'd be less stress at least breaking for awhile poss' even until her cases were over and she was worried and feeling responsible for it stressing out and messing me about too. But, she found it worse not having me and us there and l admittedly l did too.

    But nah no worries l'm interested in what people think and thoughts, one of the purposes of me talking about it here. Doesn't mean l'll take any notice at the end of the day haha, butttt, nonetheless. We're not worried about the best versions of ourselves though man we chuckle at our perfect imperfections honestly. Do people really listen to the unrealistic internet tripe out there these days, put themselves through that, really, poor souls.

    l don't think anyone could even fathom the convos we've had this last wk, it'd be so easy to stick our heads in the sand and make believe there are no court cases hanging over heads.

    Ever been married jt or in something very long term jts,10,15yrs, or truly in love? l've wondered, tell me to mind my own business no problem. The ex thing you mentioned , again l don't think people could actually fathom the intensity of both these they are and were once in life time stuff that many will never know, but l somehow fluked a 2nd with gf now and at this age . So yeah , in a way of course the ex has things to do with it bc l surely would never be lucky enough now to find this 3times. So letting this go and to be frank, l couldn't except second best now l'm afraid so yeah, aside from even feelings alone, of course, we want us if possible.

    But in talking here , one of the reasons l do , remembering my brothers situation again now and those two are sooooo special , to this day even after 25yrs, yet they survived that 2yr break , it is food for my own thought for sure.

    rx

  15. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2865 posts
    2 December 2021

    Thoughts .

    Tbh , this last wk or two and the way we've been , is as scary as hell. Because it'd be a dream come true for anyone , except that it actually feels like that's all it can be right now, a fantasy , because of these damn court cases.

    l just don't know, tbh, it's been so intense and everything is flooding back again with us but how wise is that right now allowing it and l'm back to thinking we should especially remembering my brothers thing , maybe break it off just until we know whether or not we can even be.

    l worry she'll give up though if we do now, won't have the strength alone to go through what she is.

    rx

  16. jtjt_4862
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    3 December 2021 in reply to randomx

    Heya Rx,

    It's nice to hear that you two can appreciate each other's imperfections. Accepting each other's imperfections, and working together to make things work, makes for great couples. Though, by 'best' meaning, we put in all we can into the relationship without sacrificing too much of ourselves. When we feel burnt out and slowly not able to keep up with the relationship, that's when I feel we aren't bringing the 'best' versions of ourselves. I've never been married before, and have only been in a relationship for 1 year+. Things ended because my ex felt she's got too much on her plate at the moment (throw in depression and anxiety into the plate too), that she can't give me the love she thought I deserve. After a lot of reflection, I've got a better understanding of why she chose the way out, and has helped me with accepting all that has happened, and to let her go. I doubt we'd ever get back together, but I've learned a lot from the relationship, and who knows what life will present us both with (maybe we'll both find someone else who's more better suited to us, or we both cross paths once more and be together again with our future versions).

    I can understand your reasons to be afraid. It's hard to make that choice to let go, and our thoughts of all the "what ifs" makes things even harder to let go. I suppose, you could chat with her on the option of taking a break from the relationship, but let her know that if she ever needs support with what she's going through, she can reach out to you. It is a fight that only she can deal with herself. By being someone supporting them from afar, we want to cheer on them and be available for them shall they require help from us. Believe that they are capable of handling things by themselves, and they'll call out to you if they need you. But most importantly, focus on yourself and your d's well being first. Much like in an airplane emergency situation, put the oxygen mask on yourself first, before tending to others.

    Jt

  17. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2865 posts
    3 December 2021 in reply to jtjt_4862

    Jt , your cracking me up. Mate, if we get through this the last thing on Gods planet we'll be concerned with is again, the best versions of ourselves you kidding right, after everything we've been through, l don't think your comprehending. At any rate we'll spend 12mths between the bedroom and the kitchen more like it first of all, how's that. We like the good stuff in life but eh you knock yourself out. And only one short relationship shiba, and a very short one at that, now l'd have to ask your age but l wouldn't expect an answer publicly. l think we better get you off the internet though and out there having some fun and meeting some women.

    But yeah, it's not about that it's about us ea too, her end and my end we help ea other through our times right now she's as much help to me as l am her. With my d's sitch alone she's a God sent and my business and the many other intricacies going on atm as well as MH she's brilliant. But yeah we're both also pretty good at spoiling ourselves too and number one is an obvious importance too. Tbh , things like those are the hardest part in us giving ea other up while the wait.

    But anyway , l think l'll have to stop this it's not helping and the explaining over is taking more effort than it's worth, such is the internet l know.

    2 people found this helpful
  18. jtjt_4862
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    4 December 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hi Rx,

    An experience is still an experience regardless of duration. But yes you're right, it's something I've learned thru my reflection too. Go out there and have fun meeting new people heh heh, but also to not lose sight of who I am while playing the dating game. I'm around my 30s at the moment, so yeah, plenty of time to find the right person to be with, or maybe I'm destined to live alone till the end of my days (which is perfectly fine as well). It's one of those things that can't be predicted, so just be living the moment hahahaha.

    If talking it out on the internet helps, would highly encourage to do so. I wish I could understand more about how you feel, but yeah there's only so much we can convey thru text on the internet. That said, I'm curious to know, when you mentioned that you worry that your gf would give up, are you referring to her current court case? And if so, what is it that's making you feel worried that she'll give up and won't have the strength to go through?

    Jt

  19. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2865 posts
    10 December 2021

    Well , things the cards have been talking about are coming to light and just this last few days and wks too actually , but very specifically especially in just this last few days. Which is ironic bc only two days ago l was feeling so low, so fed up with life, so fed up with the grind.

    Anyway , gf had another of her courts yesterday , she's been a mess for wks , this was very very serious stuff that could completely change her life , even her country. But it went really well and she did an incredible job. We made a plan on how to handle it as it was really the only option left and she went with that and it went really well. Things aren't done by a long shot and it could still go worst case, but right now after yesterday , just wow, she's a damn wonder women, so proud of her.

    l know we shouldn't be doing it not yet buttttt, bc of how things went it's given us new hope and right she's happier than l've seen her in 12mths. We're talking plans and marriage again and houses and the works and l know, crazy, it's not safe to get hopes up yet. We know that, we're just ravishing the feeling again for awhile. lm going up to see her after Christmas, or she may come down, not sorted as yet bc she won't get vaxed and we're not sure what flights are doing with vaxed or unvaxed. Doesn't matter l feel like a drive anyway so whatever l'll go there if we have to.

    The other thing though is l finished work last wk and as some will know from my other thread l've been struggling MH wise last few yrs and looking for a way to quit work. Well the last job for the yr is worth quite a bit and l also spoke to the partner in this property about selling, waiting on a divide , which has been up in the air 2yrs. Anyway , finally it's a go and underway as we speak but meanwhile property prices have gone through the roof here soooooo. With the sale and my last job thrown in, l may well be able to quit work . Another wow.

    l'm certainly off now for at least 6-12 mths , but if all comes together which l obviously shouldn't even be talking about yet may jinx things butttttt, l could be a permanently free agent from this day forth. Add in gf stuff, soooooo exited.

    rx

  20. CMF
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    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    8729 posts
    11 December 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hi rx,

    Apologies for not being around much. I'm back working in the office and so tired lol. I have been reading though.

    Wow, great to hear you are feeling positive, you sound so much better. Keep feeling the positive vibes, bring them into your life.

    I think it's lovely you are going to see gf after Xmas. Hold on to hope with no regrets. Cherish every moment. I'm so happy you have some positivity.

    Big hugs

    Cmf x

    1 person found this helpful
  21. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2865 posts
    11 December 2021 in reply to CMF

    Hiya cm , and thanks for the lovely words.

    But you know, it always amazes me how much braver women are in this stuff and willing to take the risk. GF said just the other night baby wouldn't you rather to live this love for 3 or 4 yrs if it did go against me- her, but to at least have had this time for us and that love , than to not have had it at all?

    Things like that and things like you've said , the attitude and bravery , l've heard so many times from women, just women in general l mean. lt just amazes me bc l don't know. Say something might be forced to end, as in our situation, that'd be 4yrs out of our lives and love yeah but for a dead end and heartbreak.

    So l'm scared to have hope actually, maybe it's the wrong way to live it butttt.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  22. Juliet_84
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    14 December 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hi random,

    I must admit I haven’t followed your situation too closely for the last while as you seem to have a lot of good advice already. But I just wanted to add my thoughts in case they are helpful. As I get older I have a newfound appreciation for the notion of ‘regret’. Being that we only regret the decisions we didn’t make or were too scared to make. It seems that you have been in this terrible state of limbo for the last few years. I think that you need to commit properly or end if for good. If you end it without giving it a proper go, then you may regret it. But if you have the courage to decide that you will make this work no matter what, then it either survives (and you will be more willing to make it work given your commitment) or you will put it under sufficient pressure and it explodes, either way you have your resolution. I understand that she wants to live here but where is she living currently? could you move to where she is so that you are together?

    2 people found this helpful
  23. jtjt_4862
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    jtjt_4862 avatar
    314 posts
    15 December 2021 in reply to randomx

    Heya Rx,

    Stopping by to see how ya doing bud. Seems like things are slowly going up on your side with your job and financial situation. That's great to hear man :).

    With what your gf has mentioned, I agree with what she said, and initially had questioned the same thing as what you've thought about. "Why bother committing to a relationship or falling in love when it'll just end with a heartbreak?". But if we look at things another way, "Why not? Would you rather live thru and experience the moment? Or regret forever for never having that experience at all?" Even if things were to end, it doesn't mean your love for each other has to end too, because love is a feeling within ourselves towards another person, and we can still love someone but not be together with them.

    I feel, life is a never ending cycle of the happy days, and the sad days. Some times we gotta have the sad days to appreciate the happy days. But regardless of how big or small the experiences are, or how joyful and sad they may be, they will always help lead us to a better life. When I say "better", it doesn't mean to expect happier days ahead. Rather, it equips us with the ability/experience to overcome what's ahead of us; to keep marching forward in life no matter what life throws at you.

    Jt

  24. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2865 posts
    15 December 2021

    Hi Juliet and no problem, thanks for the thoughts.

    But there ya go ya see, another brave woman . Actually though she's here has been all through , must be 10yrs by now. But if things go against her she'd have to go back to Portugal you see so nah , l couldn't move. My daughters not doing well l couldn't leave her.

    I certainly haven't had much luck in making any solid decision on things though that's for sure your right about that. We've both been all over the shop though we have tried. l have just about arrived at the only one we seem to be able to stick to though and just keep on going , it just doesn't seem to want to do otherwise no matter what we try or do. One good thing , or maybe not, depends how we look at it , we should have a resolution and outcome now within 6mths , one way or other. Everything happened in this last mth, strange after all these yrs suddenly the courts finally fire up a mth before Christmas. Typical.

    Soooo, we see. Hope your ok.

    rx

  25. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2865 posts
    15 December 2021

    Hi jt , thanks for the thoughts.

    l feel like l've ranted and gone over so much here in the last 6mths butttt, here we go again, l've had a bloody complicated life last 7yrs, what can l say. l'd never regret the time with ex though, even though it'd didn't work out. Thing is though, 3yrs there, ok , so be it. But at this age now l didn't want to limbo another 3 or 4 on top of it that's for sure. So that's been my thing , on top of a possible heartbreak.

    But yeah , as l was just sayin to Juliet , we should know in 6mths now- suddenly this has all only just finally come about sooooo, may as well go with it from here l guess. It'll be 4yrs by then but alas. l'm going up to hers for a few wks after Christmas borders permitting , be no turning back after that haha. Ahwell.

    rx

  26. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2865 posts
    21 December 2021 in reply to randomx

    Well much has happened on the legal front. We can't believe that after all these yrs and 2 of Covid they've suddenly decided one mth before Christmas to throw the lot at her. Good news is that the lawyers told her yesterday that so far everything she's had to do has gone really well and her cases are looking very good . But no way on earth anything is in stone as yet but she could finally well have and outcome to both early by Feb. Scary stuff.

    Bad news is she's all over the shop again , she's just exhausted but when she gets like that you really just don't know wth tbh , do l trust her and us , or don't l and it's been happening all yr. The other thing is , Covids becoming so bad in Sydney again atm that me going up is looking very very dicey at this stage. Unless things improve in the next few wks we're probably smartest to hold it off awhile. We can't stay where she's staying and so that'd mean getting a hotel and out and about a bit , so we both might be better off just staying put right now. Anyway , we'll see how things are going after Christmas.

    rx

    2 people found this helpful
  27. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2865 posts
    22 December 2021 in reply to randomx

    ldk why it gets to me when she starts spinning all over the shop, although she can come out with anything when she gets like that so it can be a worry. But she's just panicking and subconsciously ,,,,better sabotage this ,,,and the anxiety just starts spinning. l should know better by now, just let her go bc every time, every time, she goes full circle and she's just back to where she started. Us and love and the future and plans and how much she loves me andddd, just us, that really hasn't gone anywhere , it's still in there all along. l should keep those lines on my damn phone for next time.

    Who could blame her l have enough trouble dealing with it all but she's living it doing it, and she doesn't forget for one minute, ever, that things could still go against her. Must admit, have a hard time sweeping that one under the rug myself too.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  28. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    8729 posts
    26 December 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hey rx,

    It gets to you cos you love her and care deeply. I can't begin to imagine what it's like for her. The uncertainty & what she's been put through. I think the 'sabotage is just protecting her heart. It's a shame you couldn't go to visit but yeah, all this Covid is getting out of hand again.

    How was your Christmas? I know you were wondering around the forums. Was your D with you? Did you see you brother at all?

    Hope your days get better.

    Big hugs

    Cmf x

    1 person found this helpful
  29. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2865 posts
    26 December 2021 in reply to CMF

    Hey cm yeah think your spot on it's understandable, mind you that took awhile haha but yeah , making sense these days. Going ups nah, damn it, not looking good sadly unless this thing subsides in the next few wks . lt has in Africa now as quickly as it began last l heard sooooo, never know but we won't hold our breath bugger. l think they're free to move about and borders from what l gather but eh , not too keen on running about among it all right now that's for sure.

    And thanks for that too but funny Christmas turned out really nice in the end. Had a great day Friday over at the beach and yesterday d did make it over after all about 6 . So we cooked a feast and lolled around with movies pigging out, was really nice and she's seeming a little bit better too , so pleased for her.

    Reading yours over at yours , shame you couldn't have gotten a wifey break just for a day or two eh. Hope your d is ok.

    Monster hugs.

    rx

  30. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2865 posts
    26 December 2021

    Haaa, love gf's mind, it's always thinkin and full of ideas, tick tick tick.

    She's come up with a solution, l slip into Sydney pick her up, and we get the hell outa there instead, go up to qld for a few wks. Well if they don't get any worse, or somewhere there's not much Covid.

    We see.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful

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