Topic: living alone

lt's helping me in the way that it's forcing me to get on with my life at least for the moment, instead of being in limbo.lt's giving me a well earned rest from all her stuff to and l hope it's also forcing her to think about all that too, and us. But l'm worried this "just nothing" might do more harm than good .

l;m starting to thing what's a few more mths after all this time, maybe wait until after l go up again now.

Hey rx,

Checking in to see how you are?

Any more thoughts on your trip?

Cmf

Hiya cm , and thanks for checking in on me appreciated.

As for the next trip ahhh, surprise , that one's on hold again with some stuff that's come up atm.

Not much else going on in the us department , just doing life, such as it is. l feel like going north again though God it's been cold.

rx

Hi rx

Maybe the universe sent you a message - your car breaking down, and the lady admirer walking past :) That there will always be other possibilities if things don’t work out.

Is your trip on hold because of things that have come up for you or have things come up for gf?

Hiya LL , thanx for dropping in. How have you been doin?

But haaaa ya think , never know and it'd certainly be a welcome reminder right now as we speak and you should just happen to ask actually. The next trip , hmmm. lt's probably time.

Ummmm, l broke it of with her.

Tbh honest , it started as a break but we'd still talk a bit and you know, there's always been some other things. Things to me very very important but we just haven't been together enough lately to just see, feel them out. But among all the other crap , they're still there, even after 3yrs, even long distance and even after talking about them and thinking they're sorted mths earlier a dozen times-out of nowhere boom, they're back , like it never happened.

ldk ,they aren't fixable she doesn't even acknowledge them and l've become pretty convinced lately, as gorgeous as she can be, they're also just another part of her too and character.

Well , last we were talking out they all just came yet again, like nothing had happened , again ! Not a mth ago or 6 or 12 or whenever we'd sorted them last time. lt's just too much on top of everything else and l was pretty convinced by then and after the last time just to ice the cake, again, they aren't going anywhere. l said l'd had enough and broke it of.

Still thinking it all through.

rx

Hey rx

It would’ve taken so much thought and inner strength to get to this point.

So I hope it’s ok for me to say as a complete stranger (I’m sure others here would say the same) - I’m proud of you rx.

I agree about parts of a person’s nature that tend to stay the same. And if they don’t acknowledge or see how it affects others, it’s even more likely to just continue on that way.

You’ve done extremely well to pick up on that.

A new chapter for you hey! Stay strong, and keep us in the loop with how you’re doing. It can be difficult when you still miss someone.

Yeah I’m doing OK thank you :)
I’m living with my former husband (who is now female). And we are no longer a couple. So I don’t live alone, yet loneliness has really hit me in the last couple of years.

Haven’t worked out what to do next. We have school-aged kids.

Thoughtful conversations like these on BB inspire me to keep going and hopefully find a way forward.

Take care

LL

Hi LL and thanks for the thoughts.

Well , these things have always been there, and they'd normally show this or that about a persons character. But she's pretty hot headed also and tbh,right through l've always just hoped l was wrong and it was just stress and stuff bringing them , or that she would work on them.

As if everything else hasn't been enough though on top of it, these things just haven't changed, matter of fact l think they're worse if anything.

But your situation, what you must've been through and your family, l couldn't imagine. Hope you've got a thread if that helps and people have been there for you with support. Not to mention some real life help also.

rx

l do wish there was some way , of talking it out.

lt's mind boggling to me that even as a grown woman, and an extremely intelligent one, that there just isn't with her. We have done with all these things many times, you think they've gotten somewhere, gottem through, there's an understanding, then boom, nope, sorry. l can do that with myself and my faults, why can't she ?

Some people just have their ideas and even if proof of the opposite is in front of their very own eyes, those ideas are just cemented in and nothing, nothing, changes them. l've seen and been around these traits in people a few times through my life and know how it all goes very well, it's a life of shear frustration basically bc nothing convinces them to just see, what they flat out just refuse not to. And so the very things that any of it is all about, never change, they just keep reappearing , as if nothing happened, they just keep doing them.

lt's so bizarre.

Hi rx,

My ex husband was like that. Never admitted fault, never saw when his actions were wrong. He could argue he was right till he was blue in the face, even if he was clearly wrong. He'd just shut you down, end of conversation. It was bewildering.

Hi cm and thanks for that.

And thanks for knowing what l'm talking about and having known somebody serious in your life too, with the same. Sometimes they can just make you think your going a bit ga ga as you'd know.

rx

Hummm, thinkin thinkin, , of course.

Did a stoopid thing and read some of our old messages, l just stumbled over them, long forgotten, they're still on my pc.

Sooo much love all through them, especially from her , and plans and thoughts , things now are hard to believe. l think it's the stress of being apart and our worries in that department now, on top of this damn course she's been doing, it's very very heavy stuff , and she's been as crook as too and worried sick about falling behind.

Things she was coming out with were just ridiculous, and old ground from yrs ago, or stuff we'd just discussed only wks ago, She does have a habit of rehashing like it never happened , but the last few wks have just been ridiculous.

Maybe l should've allowed though with the state she was in. l dunno why to she's letiing this damn course get on top of her the way she is though, it's only part of what she's doing but it's not even that important in the big scheme of things. lt is very very intense though, nonetheless.

rx

l dunno.

l've had to be patient and allow though so much of all that courts stuff though for so damn long , and support , and listen , and spend hrs on the phone many many times to trying to get her for this or that with it and with different lawyers,

That was suppose to be the end of it and we made it. She won her cases and from here it was suppose to be back onto our life now though. Yet now she's dumped herself straight into all this creer stuff, and then there's the where we'd live thing, God ldk.

l'm obviously crazy.

Sounds like she changed the goal posts on you.

I wonder...does she feel so confident you'll just wait around that she does what she wants without really thinking about your feelings?

Sometimes I think M is like that, hence why he let's things slide despite how upset I get.

She admits she's really messed up dumping herself straight into this career stuff. She didn't even really need to at that.

Yeah , l know , same with m.

But ahh, there has been times for sure l've thought l've needed to be a bit less waiting in the wind, and accommodating , for sure . l'm hoping right now some of that will be sinking in her end actually.

And actually, that's why this break and me getting on with life.

l dunno what sort of effect it'll have on her though bc any coming to her senses thing comes back to that seeing what she wants to see stuff. l think the loneliness of me not around though might just straighten out some of that eyesight well, that's one of the hopes anyway.

rx

Well it should do something. She's thrown herself into new things & keeping busy while you just sit and wait.

Hope she sees the light. Can she postpone or defer this career stuff?

lt's too much to go into like here but straight out of her courts thing and visa conditions, she was backed into a corner day one, that's why it all started.Most people have no idea what Aus immigration put people through.

She could dump it if she's living with me, but in this case, and apart all this time, what if we didn't work out, that'd leave her in an even worse situation, couldn't do that to her. l'd rather she works this through now .

l mean say in your sitch , sis moved out you and m dropped everything and moved in together tomorrow right, you couldn't be sure it'd work out. He might drive you crazy living with him 24/7, you don't really know bc you haven't had much real time together for any period.

So see, we haven't either for 18mths now, l can't guarantee it'd all work out, it's been so long.

Yep. Understand completely. This is why the sis thing is so annoying cos I don't really know what it looks like if it's just he & I. We might be bored, we might fight, could be great, we might spend more time together, find common interests etc. She is wasting our NOW time. I don't wanna find out after 5 or 6 years that we really aren't suited or maybe we are? I don't know on a daily basis who he really is without her.

You are doing the right things as far as maybe being a real couple one day. How long are you prepared to wait to find out?

Take my hat off to you

Yeah see that's it , and in your sitch really you don't even know because of her around, l could just imagine the frustration.

l can't commit now without some real time first so l can't ask her to dump it all and get on a plane like this. But anyway, l'm not waiting it out we're still on that break,basically split actually and l'm leaving it for now. We might see in 6 mths, not sure right now.

On the gf front , damned if l know , wondering what that means lately. We don't seem to wanna stick to our breaks very long but at the same time if we don't that limbo and where to feeling just thuds on home again. l'm at a loss as to just what the right thing to do is from here.

We both agree we'd love to just spend a mth or two together up there and just see where we're at first of all . She says she's changed a lot , not feelings , just in life and ways . l know l've been seeing them and wondered myself to. l also feel like l have to and l notice things as far as we go from my point of view as well. But then God almighty we've been living apart in two different sitting and on texting and calls 17mths now, of course things are starting to bite for us both.

Anyway , atm , we're thinking l'll go up later in the yr for a longer stay - accommodation depending wise is the main thing. l have to go back to work for a few mths first now, too much spending and l haven't worked since last yr, and she'll have her stuff on to, ;t's crept back in to us talking a fair bit again lately , whata surprise l know. God knows. TBH , if we're still going to be together l'd rather we just bide our time , the only trouble is l don't know if we are atm

We both agree that if we are still us when l go up , she'll finish her stuff and come back down to mine at least for awhile and we'll take it from there.. The whole Sydney thing is just ridiculous anyway , with the market and rent shortages these days .

rx

Sounds like you both want to be together.

Maybe bite the bullet, spend a couple of months together & really see where you're at. Be honest about you both really feel.

Cmf

Thanks for that cm.

And yeah , we do of course. We're a bit nervous about it though tbh it's just been living on messaging and calls so long now, starts to feel surreal. l'm not sure right now when l'd be able to manage it though now that's one problem, time wise , depends how work goes and on her stuff to. What if it's 6mths away , again more limbo and surreal .

l dunno. l know the original idea of just having a break until then would be the wisest move butttt, we're bloody hopeless.

rx

It's so tricky for you.

I think it's also sweet that you 'breaks' never work as you start talking again.

If only everything blocking you could disappear and give you the chance to see...

Haaa, it's probably a sign them never lasting very long. But yeah it'll be a few mths at least, l'll have to see how work pans out.

Funny you saying sometimes you think you two might be better staying on your one or two days a wk. She says well if we can't be together all the time we'll just be together apart even some married people live like that. Well actually my brother and his gf have been 3hrs apart 22yrs they see ea other every few mths at his or hers. Sydneys a lot further though and l realized last trip bugger this l'm only doing one more trip that's it, l didn't enjoy it the way l though l would. lt would tie us over until her craps done though l suppose.

ldk, this is ridiculous how did l get myself into this bs. D loves gf but says daddd, you've gotta be able to be together, imagine having someone just local , weird, could hardly imahine that these days.

rx

Sort of a little bit happening on the us situation but at the same time nothing at this minute much really, which ironically is what the cards have said too.

One interesting thing, my brother's sort of a crash test dummy atm. The one where they've lived 20yrs 3hrs apart. She bought a new unit down in Melb then had some health stuff so his been staying down at hers 4mths now. The longest they've spent in one building together in probably 12yrs. He spins back up here every few wks to check his place and then back to hers. Although we all grew up in Melb he's never liked being down there long these days and then they usually fight to if they're together too long. The distance and time apart and now together thing all kind of echo's our situation a little except they're much closer butttt, after 22yrs they're actually doing pretty good. Could well be an us and me up Sydney for awhile later on , hmmm. Don't know what they'll do later when her health stuff is all done or whether he'll come back up here but l've got a feeling he might end up moving back down, gonna be interesting.

Done the cards through the wk been awhile they're still talking love but in the distance right now ironically. Maybe it's us and we figure this crap out, don't know. Anyway after seeing how things are working out for my brother and their situation it has reinspired me somewhat with our very similar situation. Their breaks never worked out either funnily enough , hence their 22yrs.

l have come up with very cheap accommodation alternative if l do end up staying up there for awhile later in the yr. It'll still be private and comfortable but l could stay a few mths very cheaply as compared to 1000s. Haven't ran in by gf yet though but l'll see what she thinks.

At any rate , still considering all and tossing things around. rx

Hi rx

Wow, I love how your brother has made that work. Haha I might be doing that but M & I live 10 mins apart.

It is inspiring & I'm glad you're inspired. If 2 people really want to be together they'll find a way.

Hope you continue to be inspired & work through things.

Cmf

Hi cm.

Yeah it's pretty amazing to see tbh , although l'm only seeing whatever l think l'm seeing from the outside bc we haven't has a good yarn in mths since before he went down, l might be wrong. l'm looking forward to catching up again though although he's very cagey this one and never usually says much but it is seeming like things are going really well from the few things he has said so far.

On another note l ran my idea past gf the other day and she loved it so we might have some progress. lt'd mean l'd be able to stay up there for just awhile, a mth , few mths maybe if l could handle it- not her just it. Find our feet again first of all with some time and no pressure bc it won't cost much, and just see where we're at again after all this time.

rx