Firstly thank you for your very thoughtful message.
Yes you are correct in noticing that I have not really said how I feel.
I feel hurt from the years on criticism that really now I understand is more about his want to control how things are done in the house and these are not in a mean way it is more about control of doing things in a better more efficient and cost effective way.
The problem we face is he does not see this as a problem. Why not do it this way because .....
I could go on with lots of examples but ultimately it has caused years of being controlled and feeling that I am not valued, my opinion doesn’t matter.
Now I am no wallflower and this is a trait from my Dad, I can be stubborn which is probably serving me well all these years but now I am feeling a lack of desire for this man because of reaching this pinnacle of make or break.
We have not been intimate for almost a year and it’s not that he has not tried, more so I think I am protecting myself and my guard is up.
I am confused, do I still love him? Not sure, we have not said those words for years to each other, he is not big in that department of communication of feelings.
He does not praise me, tell me he is proud of me, celebrate me. They say foreplay starts well before the bedroom. He hasn’t understood that, out day to day life is boring. Not uncommon for him to fall asleep on the lounge watching the 6pm news.
He is a good man, provides, means well. He considers providing for the family is everything he does as most important, and it is however during this period of providing for us he has ultimately forgotten to have fun along the way.
I am not sure where we can go from here to get back to a time when we didn’t micro manage our life and let things be, they don’t have to be done perfectly or done his way.
I feel lost, lonely and confused , our counsellor said that for us to move forward we need to remove this boulder which is resentment and regret. Very true but he also said my husband has to learn not to try and control me, I am an individual and I may do things in a different way to him and relationships require compromise, cooperation and collaboration to succeed.
The compromising part is what I think my husband is struggling with.
What do you think?