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Topic: Mixed signals & confusion

21 posts, 0 answered
  1. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    10 November 2021

    Hey there,

    Recently I have been starting to get closer to someone at university.

    However, I am receiving some mixed signals.

    Sometimes this person seems genuinely interested in me. And then there are other times where they are quite awkward around me when their group of friends are with us. Why could this be? Sometimes they even seem disinterested when they are with their friends.

    Perhaps, I am overanalysing and thinking a little too much about it all though. See here is the other thing, they even drop subtle hints sometimes. For instance - they raise their eyebrows at me, they also smile frequently at me and we even cuddle. However, I’m still quite confused and I am receiving so many mixed messages.

    Then I receive even more mixed messages though - they don’t seem to message me first. Yet they always view each and every single one of my social media stories. I’m so very confused.

    Needed to vent,
    PF.

  2. The Bro
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    193 posts
    11 November 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Hi there PF!

    Needed to vent? That's perfectly OK, we all do from time to time.

    So that person follows you on social, allows cuddles and gives other signals. These signals are confusing you and little wonder.

    Time to cut to the chase I think - not wanting to know you in front of friends is a worry, but the other signals certainly give you permission to ask if there's any interest.

    It can be a little bit scary, but pick your moment, make it clear you want to ask an important question, then ask how they feel about dating you on a regular basis to see how things go! Yes you can say that you are interested in seeing more of that person too.If the reply is negative, stay very cool, don't get defensive, and ask to remain friends.

    Then at least you will know what's going on instead of letting it fill your head as it probably is.

    I tried this a few times over the years and got a positive response most of the time. On the occasions when I was let down with a negative response, we cleared the air and even managed to stay in the same group of friends.

    So get rid of your confusion and go for it you fierce woman!

    Life is too short to be wondering around not knowing.

    Good luck, I look forward to hearing what you think and do!

    The Bro

    1 person found this helpful
  3. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    11 November 2021 in reply to The Bro

    Hey The Bro,

    He is awkward with around me when he is with his friends. He sits right next to me in class. Whilst his friend sit away from him.

    he also gives some very long hugs to me. One was on the train near his friend.. so I am very confused. Hah!

  4. jaz28
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    278 posts
    11 November 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Hi there,

    Confusing signals are so annoying, I feel you! The only thing I have found that works is to be straightforward, if you want to!

    Would you feel comfortable asking him about his feelings towards you? It is scary because of the possibility of rejection, but I think it is better to know for sure. It's not fair to be led on and confused as you are. I have been there.. not ideal.

    I hope it works out,

    Jaz.

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Baljit
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    58 posts
    11 November 2021 in reply to jaz28

    Hi PF,

    Firstly, its fantastic that you are able to share your inner feelings with this group.

    From my own passed experiences, dealing with mixed signals and emotions was and is extremely exhausting, frustrating and confusing.

    I think it’s time for you to remove this confusion, and only if you feel comfortable you need to be brave and have a open, honest and respectful conversation with this person so that you can both share how you feel.

    Regardless, of the outcome at least that confusion will be removed.

    Good luck and all the best

    1 person found this helpful
  6. The Bro
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    12 November 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Well that's encouraging development PF!

    Sounds like he may be quite shy? He is probably desperate to date you but afraid to ask!

    Be a brave woman and ask if he would like to go on a date and be a steady boyfriend.

    I am actually excited for you guys, loving to hear how you get on!

    The Bro

    1 person found this helpful
  7. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    12 November 2021

    My gut is telling me now that he doesn’t like me. He isn’t very responsive with his messages to me. It’s very one word answers and he very rarely asks me questions - like I will ask “how are you?” And he will says “I’m alright.”

    And he very rarely initiates messages with me... I’m confused🤔🤔🤔🤔 Maybe he doesn’t like me in that way. Although, he hugs me tightly when we are in person. And he blushes around me and he is always extremely awkward in person. And he complained about how he was hot, temperature wise, recently in class. And it was not warm in the room at all. And he had to take his jumper off. He was sitting literally next to me then. He also raises his eyebrows when he looks at me. And he smiles so much. He also gulps fast when we hug? I’m very confused.

    This is all very complicated 😦😬

  8. Matchy69
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    12 November 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur
    Hi psychedelic Fur this is such a hard thing to know whether someone likes you or not.I have been through this and my regret is not telling the person how I feel and that I like them.I regret not telling them.My suggestion is to tell this person you like them and ask them if they are interested in you.Life is so short and I know this can be do hard to ask around and tell them but what if they are interested What gave you to lose.If I was young again I would take a chance in life.
    1 person found this helpful
  9. Yorke/Yorke
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    12 November 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Hi PF,

    Sounds like it is really hard to know what's going on. I do agree with the other sentiments in the thread, that trying to read lots of gestures and non-verbal cues may be a bit of a guessing game, and that asking may be a safer bet.

    How would you feeling about reaching out honestly and seeing what you get back? If they like you too then you get to explore things, if they don't you have some clarity and can feel less confused. I know when I was interested in a friend a while back, I thought it could get real awkward if I brought it up and they weren't keen.

    In the end I did it anyway because I liked them and was struggling to get past it without an answer. They didn't like me back but they were lovely about it and we are closer than ever. Their boyfriend is also really nice and we have become close friends too!

    Let us know how you get on,

    Yorke

    1 person found this helpful
  10. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    12 November 2021

    So I messaged him recently and asked him if he would like the idea of us just catching up for lunch sometime on a day that we have no classes and just us. He agreed to it. He said ‘yes, that would be good.’
    However, he might just be thinking of it as a friendly catchup. Maybe he doesn’t think of me in that way though??

    Although he did say that he would love to keep in contact once we finish this particular course.

    Although the text messages seem to be brief. I’m still so confused??

    I then said we will have to organise a time, date and place. And he replied with ‘yes, for sure!’

    He calls me ‘Very Sweet’ and he says my hair is ‘lovely.’ And he says I look lovely.
    And he called my favourite jacket cute the other day...?? I’m so confused, ARGHHHHH!!! And he told me that I could cry to him if ever I needed to. I’m still confused though.

    PF. Hope I did well! Haha.

  11. Yorke/Yorke
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    12 November 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    well done for reaching out, that's awesome! sounds like it paid off. How are you feeling now? Glad you did it?

    Again, there is no way of knowing what he is thinking about the situation without asking but it sounds like some good signs. I would take it one step at a time and enjoy the catch up one on one. That's a great start. You could talk about things there if you feel like it or wait and see how it goes, and maybe talk with them about it later.

    Congrats again, happy for you!

    1 person found this helpful
  12. PsychedelicFur
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    337 posts
    12 November 2021 in reply to Yorke/Yorke

    I’m feeling glad, to a degree. Although I am scared that I will do all of the work and make all of the effort when it comes to initiating the conversation and times we can spend together.

    I had a partner, who I left earlier this year, who was extremely psychologically abusive towards me.. It is very hard for me to reach out sometimes. Being vulnerable with someone can be so awfully difficult sometimes. At least he agreed though! So there must be some interest there. Even if it is just friendship!

    PF

  13. Yorke/Yorke
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    12 November 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    I'm very happy for you - it must be some weight off the shoulders to have had the positive reaction to putting yourself out there.

    If you do continue to make the effort and not them, that's another conversation you can have (about equal input) when the time is right. For now hopefully you can look forward to and enjoy the catch up, to see if there is chemistry and a connection.

    Sorry to hear your partner was psychologically abusive. That must make it very hard to take the first step, and all the more reason to be proud of yourself for having done so. Hopefully the nerves/anxiety associated with doing so lessens a little each time you do it. I agree, it can be so hard to be vulnerable.

    'Even if it is just a friendship' is a great way to look at it. That way if you strengthen the friendship that's a win, and anything more you can work out when you get to that point

    Yorke

    1 person found this helpful
  14. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    13 November 2021

    I’m going to back off just slightly. It’s always me initiating conversation and most of the time.
    I think perhaps I may have been coming across as ‘desperate’ or ‘needy’

    I wasn’t texting them every five seconds but I would ask them how their day was going. And I would try and send some goofy GIFS occasionally just to make them smile.

    I need to rationalise and remember that my psychological health comes first. It’s absolutely paramount to look after my own emotional struggles. I don’t think they liked me as much as I thought..

    Oh well. That’s ok. At least I still have my studies. :)

    PF.


  15. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    13 November 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Because when I asked them if they would like to go out they said ‘sure’. I then asked what type of activities or things were they into and they answered quite vaguely.
    So I felt like I would have to organise everything. And when I said what day would suit them they just said they are really busy. :/

    I’m just going to leave the ball in their court. If they are interested they will definitely pursue and initiate. :(

    Oh well. It’s a little disheartening. That’s ok though. We can still be friends though! :)

  16. Yorke/Yorke
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    15 November 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    That's frustrating putting in the effort and not getting much back.

    I really like your outlook on it though, it seems like you can see both the positives and the negatives and have come to a good choice for your health as you were saying.

    Who knows what may happen in the future but as you said, you have a friend which is great :)

    1 person found this helpful
  17. PsychedelicFur
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    337 posts
    17 November 2021

    I’m going to give up on trying to get his attention now. He seems really distant and disinterested now in me. At least I tried though. That’s all you can do!! :)

  18. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    17 November 2021
    It just really baffles me.. one minute he was all over me like a mad rash. Now the replies, that he sends me, are very brief and typically only one worded answers. I’m just a little bit upset to be completely honest with you. :(
  19. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    17 November 2021
    I’ll just let things play out :)
  20. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    21 November 2021

    I have stopped my contact with me. As he never initiates any conversation with me. When we hung out the other day... we sat in silence for twenty five minutes and he did not say a word. He just plays on his phone and it makes me feel extremely unwanted. I tried to strike up conversations with him hoping that would help break the ice.. it didn’t though. And soon after he answered my questions we went back to sitting in silence. And whilst we were sitting in silence he was just scrolling on his phone. He now does not sit near me anymore in class. And he only hugs me and then goes back on his phone, when we hang out together.

    These signals are very mixed. And I want someone in my life who will take initiative and who will be curious about asking me questions. As there really needs to be a healthy balance between two people in order to make the friendship or relationship work.
    I did ask him out for lunch or a movie and I asked him what day or time would suit. He just said “I’m really busy.”
    Prior to asking that I also asked him “what type of activities are you interested in?”
    He puts in zero effort. And the responses are short one worded answers. It’s really disheartening but it really is what it is.. I’m afraid.

    I’m no longer interested. :)

    I did really like him at the beginning because he seriously was putting in a lot of effort during the first few days of us getting to know each other. Now he is just super distant and cold with me. I’m no longer going to try win his heart over. Nor am I going to attempt gain his attention now. As I truly believe that ; people who are meant to be in your life will naturally gravitate towards you. And whatever is meant to be in your life - will eventually find you.

    I am not super depressed because I have my studies and work to help me get through it all. I just think that initiation of conversation is meant to be a mutual and equal thing. It really does work both ways.

    PF.

  21. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    21 November 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur
    I meant *I have stopped my contact with him*

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