It's such a hard hard time for you with the most important people in your family (life?) doing these things.
We can't know what we don't know.
When we DO realise specific things about our past, well I guess we can be grateful for that awareness?
It's SO important to keep "regret" at bay. I've met far too many people who are riddled with regret and it literally drives the person crazy, esp in their old age if it gets hold of their minds.
I always go back to anthropology lol and us being "mere" mammals.
We learn what we learn when we're young, mostly by modelling from our parents.
So we kind of act like in "auto" mode alot. It can become a default mode when we're not even aware of it, esp in parenting.
THEN those of us who are HERE, or in therapy, or reading alot or doing the introspection necessary, can begin to change our thoughts and therefore (hopefully) our behaviours.
We can be free of those "ropes" of our past but it's never achieved without a tonne of hard freaking work lol.
With H, what you say makes 100% sense to me, how you're feeling.
If you haven't felt SAFE with this person in the past ie emotionally safe, then I wouldn't EXPECT you to give 100% openness to H. In fact it's best you don't IMHO.
I'm certain marriages can survive without 100% investment lol.
Keeping a focus on your own independence will ONLY ever be good for you.
I completely agree about society's views about mothers. I bring it up with my C ALL THE TIME.
It's part of the destructive force threatened by the power of women.
And the never ending love and compassion of women also.
Nice that your mum visited and it went well. Hugs.
It would be wonderful if D sent you a thankyou note.
Something inside says maybe.... just maybe.... as she may be a mother one day also, new realisations will occur to her. This happened with Alexa when she became a mother but it took a while!
Now after so many years, going through hell, things are far more open. Mind you, she has her own psych now too lol AND is studying Psychology! So I'm grateful for these things lol.
Thinking of you, love you tonnes too!